Dark Night Of The Self

[Voyager]

Man, the first few years of personal development I was so driven, excited, grateful, calm, peaceful, joyful. I would regularly cry about how amazing I felt. I did the work as prescribed by Leo and from all the other sources.

Then I had my first God experience. It opened my curiosity up a lot, and made the world that much more beautiful.

Then the second,far more powerful God experience, which rattled me to the core, staring at the nothingness that I was. After several months it has me feeling like i'm stuck in limbo, and have no clue what is real and what is not. I am literally always in a state of unknowing and confusion. I am stuck in this Nihilism. 

I feel the only way to get out of this is to see the full picture. And of course despite feeling terrified of the existential, I can't help but continue, because I have no where else to go, nothing else I can do.

I feel like that rain drop on Leo's InSights that has bounced twice off the ocean and still has another 4 bounces before it merges back with its source. 

Leo seems to deliver his weekly Video's and looks pretty damn happy every week, considering how long his Hey's are and how Smiley he's getting! 

Am I missing something here? Are you all also facing these Dark Nights for extended periods?

How do I stay motivated when I am nihilistic,  sane when I am insane, and joyful when I am in purgatory? 

<3

[Toby]

Two things that were most helpful for me regarding the topic - at least conceptually were:
- Adyashanti's talk on "the power of the dark night"
- Bernadette Roberts - "what is self" and her other books

[Martin123]

Heal yourself completely fully with love. Empty yourself of ego. Dissolve your inner wounded child into the innocence it's always been.

The nihilistic/unreal experience serves as a wall that stops you from progressing any further without making peace with your emotions.

Let it be the focus of your efforts. Complete healing of your emotional body.

May you be guided by love.

[Voyager]

@Martin123 Thanks Martin I've followed your Emotional healing guide and it looks juicy. Looking forward to reading it. <3

[WelcometoReality]

On 2017-09-17 at 10:42 AM, Voyager said:

I feel the only way to get out of this is to see the full picture. And of course despite feeling terrified of the existential, I can't help but continue, because I have no where else to go, nothing else I can do.

You think it's understanding what's happening that will get you out of it but it's letting go of that which want to know and want to get out of it that will get you out of it.

In other words let yourself be stuck in it. Allow yourself to be completely lost. Don't try to fight it or get out of it. Experience it fully. It can't hurt that which you truly are.

[Nexeternity]

@Voyager   I think a good foundational life purpose helps alot.  For the fun of doing it, not for the meaning.

That way you can enjoy your Being while you work out letting go of the negative meanings and Dark nights you get attached to.

The life purpose can be your grounding, your balance, your temporary center as you keep cultivating Being.

Read the enlightenment books on the book list, they really help too! 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

Woah.  I just posted a similar post myself.  It is so odd going from the illusion of doing to just being.  And then trusting the automatic stuff is also a change.  The feeling of no control.  But the reality is that nothing has changed.  That's what I gotta keep reminding myself.

Edited September 20, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

@WelcometoReality Great advice

[cetus]

@Voyager @Joseph Maynor  I've been there too. Many times. Just last week I was questioning everything. I spent a few hours experiencing a state of doubt and agitation. What I've learned is the best thing is not to fight it but use it. Use it as a growth tool. Turn it around on itself and have it work for you instead of it pushing you around. I looked around and found this from Mooji. I hope you find it of some use.

 

[WelcometoReality]

@Voyager @cetus56 This post also has some great information on this topic.

 

[cetus]

@WelcometoReality Thanks. I'm fine now but I can relate to what was said here. Even though I've been down this road before- sometimes I just feel like I've hit a brick wall. It just gets stale. Something I read made me rethink my entire practice and I was seriously doubting all of it. And I really don't know why. This thick feeling of agitation just came over me out of nowhere. It wasn't like what Joe experienced of realizing he wasn't the body. I've learned to welcome those freaky feelings of being out of my skin with no solid ground to stand on. Maybe that's how I felt about my practice. Like there was nothing really there. I know- wrong attitude.  I guess it's all part of the growth process.

[cetus]

@Voyager @Joseph Maynor @WelcometoReality Now that I revisit what I was experiencing last week- about rethinking my entire practice because it felt like nothing was there. Maybe that's true on some level. Practice is an illusion? Or is that my ego talking? I'm really not sure. I'm not saying I'm going to stop. But maybe just see it in a different light.

[WelcometoReality]

5 hours ago, cetus56 said:

@Voyager @Joseph Maynor @WelcometoReality Now that I revisit what I was experiencing last week- about rethinking my entire practice because it felt like nothing was there. Maybe that's true on some level. Practice is an illusion? Or is that my ego talking? I'm really not sure. I'm not saying I'm going to stop. But maybe just see it in a different light.

Yeah it can be illusiory if it is done to get somewhere. True practice gets you closer to right now. Closing the gap as they say.. I'd ransack myself to see what intentions are there. Or maybe these doubts of yours bubble up because your practice is working and ego is feeling threatened?

[cetus]

@WelcometoRealityNo, it's not the ego being threatened. I would love to threaten the ego. In a big way!

Maybe I'm needing something a bit more than just the meditation and video's at this point, It's been a long time since I 'partook'. I'm thinking about it.

[WelcometoReality]

@cetus56 Maybe a 2 week dark room retreat?

[AlwaysBeNice]

Getting a teacher can be quite important for this reason, someone whose gone through to the end and whom can comfort you and show you things are just very fine.

And stop believing these pesky thoughts, I really like thinking: 'thoughts thoughts thoughts' at times to remind myself of the stupidity and unreality of thinking.

[cetus]

@WelcometoReality Don't make me laugh. You don't think I've thought about it. At this point I'd lock myself in a closet if that's what it takes.

 

[WelcometoReality]

@cetus56 You have? I'd never dare that. And why complicate things?

[cetus]

2 minutes ago, WelcometoReality said:

@cetus56 You have? I'd never dare that. And why complicate things?

@WelcometoRealityNo.  But you have a point there. Don't confuse effort with results.

[Nahm]

@cetus56 PARTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!