Inner Transformation

[hinawashi]

Question: When does the inner transformation take place when you're self-actualizing?

I'm asking this because I suddenly felt something strange happening to me. I'm feeling much more comfortable with enlightenment than ever before. For example, I no longer care about other people's opinions of me, I'm no longer vindictive and I don't feel the need to get even with anyone. I'm also exploiting other "unenlightened" people to constantly remind myself of not falling into the same traps as them, and really turns those I used to hate into a learning experience. There's still many more challenges down the road, like conquering my fear of the unknown and uncertain, but I know I'll eventually conquer my fears.

I've been wondering, why does this transformation feel very sudden? Is it because I haven't been paying attention to myself? If I'm not paying attention to my own growth then how can I grow in the first place?

Sorry if I'm asking too many questions here. I just needed to get my thoughts straight.

[Forestluv]

Who is the "I" that doesn't care about about opinions? What is the "me" this "I" has been concerned about?

The insights for which the self has a sense of being the decider and acceptor have come easy. Insights that reveal the self is irrelevant have been more difficult. At times, terrifying and liberating.

[Sukhpaal]

@hinawashi I know exactly how you feel. I've been meditating for 14 months and I haven't missed a single day but recently I've had somewhat of a mini "transformation" I suppose. A month ago I just woke up one day and I felt really different, in a good way of course. To answer your question, I think it varies on the person. Everyone is different, not everyone is going to "transform" at similar times. For me personally it took a bit over a year but for someone else it could take less time or more. Just be careful, just because you've had that "transformation" does not mean that is all that there is. You can develop even more and you can still become depressed, angry, etc just have realistic expectations. 

[hinawashi]

@Sukhpaal It took me 6 months to feel this sudden transformation, so maybe I'm lucky compared to you? I don't know.

I think it's more or less a phase that we would have to go through sooner or later. I do agree with you that this isn't the end of the road yet, and I still have plenty of other areas to work on, but at least I went through the very first bottleneck.

[Sukhpaal]

@hinawashi You might have been meditating more than me or maybe you're less neurotic than me? Hahaha

Yeah it feels super good to go through that first small phase. It is a good indicator that the work you've put in is coming to fruition and it keeps you driven. Look at the big picture. You did that in 6 months, imagine you in 6 years if you keep doing personal development work.

[hinawashi]

@Sukhpaal To be honest I was probably more neurotic than an average person, but I had an extremely strong urge to get rid of my neurotic personalities and break free, which led me to start this self-actualization journey and keep going at a faster and faster pace.

What I would be like in 6 years? I don't know. That would be like going into some really deep uncharted territory for me.