Should I Help My Friend? Advice Please.

[King of Hearts]

Hello,

So I have a friend that I believe is depressed. He is defiantly in a downward spiral.

A little context: We both have similar goals, vis a vis career in the arts, film making to be precise, ever since we where very young, we are both in the early 30's now.  

       The thing is he hasn't filmed a single thing in years... he has been felling horrible for years. He is basically waiting that someone will go knock at his door. Many years ago I tried to give him some advice just to break  the enercia. He did not respond very well... than a couple of years later  it was obvious he was felling bad, (and he told me) he is focusing  on felling jealous about people who break into the business and things like that. (By the way we live in a small country with no real film industry.) So that time I tried to give him some motivational words... It was the week Leo's "Strategic Motherfucker" came out, and sent it to him saying, you need to have a plan. Not that I'm very wise but I fell good and I've never been so focus on my "life purpose". That time it went really bad... He got super defensive, to the point that I had to tell him "I'm  telling you this has a friend, but don't worry I won't bother you with this again."

        Fast forward a couple of years and he sends me an email, saying in fact he need to talk to someone. We exchange a few emails... again he was a bit defensive, and then one day day we spoke face to face. He is REALLY not doing well...  I tried to motivate him a bit, the main things being trying to get him to move and to stop being so dogmatic in his views of "how to make it"  Even showed him a platform where he can write and post pictures and get well paid for it. That night he seemed better. He seemed very enthusiastic , at least with that platform.

This was already some months ago... maybe 4... he still hasn't even posted a single pictures (he has 10000 professional amazing ones). Send him an email last week  and he told me he was indeed doing worst... and that is all he has to say about it. 

(Sorry for the long intro)

So here is my question. Should I help him?  I've tried a few times...  The last time we spoke face to face seemed to have had given some fruits. I've told him a few times to go talk to a psychiatrist but I doubt he has done it.  I would like to help him, I've knowed him my all life, and he doesn't really has any friends or family he can talk to... Plus he is extremely talented. I would like to help him, but don't know if by trying again, would only hurt us both.

 

Any Advice is greatly appreciated.

[Blue is the sea]

1 hour ago, King of Hearts said:

He is basically waiting that someone will go knock at his door

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
this verse reminds me that its not that we dont have the chance/possibility/luck but we simply dont want/search for it.  normaly people would but things may happen to some people and make them derive from those needs of searching and knowing.

 

first i want to say that no one can solve your problems but yourself. you could do many thing to help him but must realize your limitations . people can help him but its up to him  to do the main work.
I think you should try to find the reason/reasons behind his depression. when it all started and why ?
inspiration and motivation works only for some time. but if the root cause is not adresed the symptoms will be back. ask him what does he thinks about most of the time?  what makes him sad? what used to make him happy, why he dosent do those thing anymore? 

[YaNanNallari]

Do something that comes from the right place

[BjarkeT]

The best thing would probably be to get him professional help from someone who really know what they are doing and maybe also read self help books that might be relevant to the situation 

otherwise the best thing i can come up with might be to send him a link to these books  

so good they can't ignore you and deep work by cal newport the books explain how you can become really passionate about your career and how you can become really good at what you do 

i hope everything turns out well

kind regards  

Edited September 13, 2017 by BjarkeT

[King of Hearts]

@BjarkeT  Thanks a lot for your comment. The problem here is that he is already very passionate and good. He has been studying the skills since he was a child...  The thing is he is not doing anything ... But all the passion, dedication and skill level is there.

Thanks again. I 'm thinking the best thing is just to hope he will get some professional help.

[King of Hearts]

@Blue is the sea Thank you so much for your comment.

I do know the answered for all those questions. I know exactly what the issue is. He is not working a big company and he is seeing some people do that.

I'm just wondering if he doesn't get professional help, if I should try and help him... with my limitations....

 

Once again, thank you very, very much for your response.

[BjarkeT]

Maybe instead of waiting for opportunitys to come to him maybe he would have a better chance if he created the opportunitys him self  

btw about being passionate  the reason why I recommended the book is because most people get passion wrong and therefore doesn't feel very happy at what they do so it could be worth reading  

 for example some people believe that you have a pre existing passion and you just should go out and do that then you will feel happy but it turns out the research according to the book shows that this isn't the best way to feel passionate about what you do one of the things the researched showed that how people ended up being passionate had a much more complicated beginning than that and it was first once they became extremely good (for example at the level of top performers in the field)that they felt passionate about what they did. Being really good wasn't the only thing that made them feel really good about what they did there where of course other things that also where important but being really good was one of the important things to feel passionate about what you did   

I really hope everything turns out well

 

[King of Hearts]

@BjarkeT Thanks again so much for the comment.

 

Yeah, interesting stuff. Maybe I'll recommend him the books. Thanks!