Self-compassion

[Ryan_047]

I'll keep it short..I am trying to practice self-love..and one of the ways I am doing that is by writing about my feelings or being really aware of them and feeling them.The thing is that most of the time I feel either depression, anxiety or despair..the rest of the time I am feeling numb,rarely feeling a positive emotion.

In those moments I am trying not to escape these emotions and just feel them..but it's so damn hard.. A few moments ago I felt so desperate that I couldn't cope with it and ended up distracting myself.I don't know what am I supposed to do when feeling like your future is absolutely hopeless and you should kill yourself so you can avoid the inevitable massive pain...

One thing that I have noticed is that during these moments,I desired really bad someone to hug me and say that it understands what I am going through..I felt like if that would happen I could finally cry hard..I am barely shading a few tears..

So..how should I cope?

[Sukhpaal]

@Ryan_047 Well first off, do you go to school? If you do I recommend you seek counselling help at your school. Usually counselling services are free at schools and I think professional help would help you greatly. Secondly, try self love meditations. They are extremely helpful but be prepared to cry because your emotions will come pouring out of you! Also do not expect your self love problem to be solved within days, weeks or even months. This process can take awhile and it is important you stay patient and committed. In a way, you also might find out that you enjoy your suffering. When I was depressed, I always wanted pity from other people. But overall, seek professional help through counselling, preferably at school if you're worried about money problems. Meditate every single day, using self love meditation and you can youtube "self love meditation guide" and you'll find many options to choose from. And finally be patient and commited! This is important. Do things you also love, like what are you passionate about? Anyways keep your head up brother and I hope you stay motivated and dedicated to achieving a higher version of yourself!   

Edited September 13, 2017 by Sukhpaal

[Preetom]

@Ryan_047 I feel you man. I wish we all could just give up our neurotic acquired customs and hug each other. You can seek professional help if its available to you.

But remember that the level of intimacy, care and understanding that you want can only be provided through your own loving attention to yourself. You have two choices. Either seek this intimacy in the wrong places like a hungry ghost or you can dive deep inside you with a sincere intention of loving every single thing that arises within you. This video is a great place to start.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_ameLVhsIM

Then I would recommend the book 'Six Pillars of Self Esteem' by Nathaniel Branden. This is probably the only psychology book you have to master to go beyond the realm of psychology. Read it like a textbook. Sincerely reading and note taking for one hour a day and reflect on the lessons. I'm convinced that almost ALL of our issues are either a escape or a defense against low self esteem. The author defines Self esteem as the immune system of consciousness. The one vital parameter controlling every other psychological phenomena.

Finally, it will take some time. consistency is the key. I myself is at the very beginning of this process. The self-loathing and fear that have been created through a decade of self denial and inattention would take at least 1-2 years to recover and completely heal. Hang in there brother! 

[Ryan_047]

@Sukhpaal Yes,I am going to school.The thing is..that I am afraid to death to share my feelings face to face.I've got such a big fear of judgement and rejection..

[LaucherJunge]

I recommend "the completion process" from Teal Swan. For me it resolved all the painful feelings in like 20 minutes doing the process permanently!

[starsofclay]

@Ryan_047 well, thank God for internet! you can share your feelings on here (in the serious emotional problems section), and if anyone gives you a hard time for it, then they need to go practice some self love themselves.

I won't say I know exactly how you feel, but I felt very similar about a year ago, even would say  up to about a few months ago, and then I finally started accepting. It took a lot of hard work to get here, and I still even have moments where I wonder if it is helping at all. Yesterday, I realized that I still haven't fully accepted myself, and will be working on that now. I think the self-love comes first. Or self-love, then acceptance, then more self-love. Who knows? We are all in this without an instruction manual. Don't give up... if you are really interested in beating this, it does take time, as someone else on here said... unfortunately depending on how bad off you are, it takes more time than some people are willing to invest, so they just take the easier way and wallow in their suffering.

The things you mentioned that you are doing will help, just keep doing it. Getting distracted is easy, that is your ego. Think of it like a toddler in it's terrible 2's and clinical ADD. It doesn't understand why you want to change, because it worked so hard to get you to where you are. It doesn't realize that all the work it put into making you "happy" is actually making you miserable. You say you write down your feelings... try talking to your ego. Give it a name if it helps, just to be able to direct your awareness on it, then tell it what would actually make you happy. That you are tired of being miserable. That you it doesn't need to block your emotions and feelings anymore because you are ready to feel them again. Tell it that you love it as much as you love yourself (because it is you), and that it doesn't have to fight you anymore. You can figure this out together. Sure, that is not the path to enlightenment, because that includes absolving the ego, but you are probably not ready for enlightenment yet. You have to fix yourself first. 

One day, after suffering a whole night with suicidal thoughts, I woke up and realized that I have a whole life to live... at least another 50 years if nothing kills me first (and I'm not going to kill myself), and I realized that 50 years is an awful long time to feel this way. I think that when you finally come to this understanding and actually feel it, then you are on your first step of this journey.  Perhaps a meditation on that idea would help. If you can't sit and meditate yet, then just keep this idea on your mind as you go about your day. Try to feel it, the best you can. If you can make yourself feel it while going to your crummy job or at school, then you are on the right track. If you love your job and love going to school, then use those as motivators to help you feel it. 
 

[Sukhpaal]

@Ryan_047 Counselors are very open. You got to have faith if you want to make progress. When I made the decision to get counselling, it was one of the best decisions I made. Try it out and see if you feel comfortable opening up. You don't have to let them know everything right away, take baby steps and get a feel for it.

[YaNanNallari]

One thing you can try is just feeling the feeling without the thoughts related to it.

[Leo Gura]

@Ryan_047

Step #1: Create a compelling vision for your life.

Step #2: Discipline yourself to start acting on it every day.

You haven't taught yourself the basics of self-survival yet. So get that taken care of before you get too existential. Don't get stuck in mental-masturbation and self-pity. Go out and take lots of action. At your age, you have tons of energy and health, you need to be working your ass off every day. Build your foundation.