Should I Entertain Dark Thoughts?

[onilsson]

Hey guys,

I have been a bit back om forth on a recurring thought-pattern I am having - and I thought I could use some external advice.

I have over the last couple of months made huge "progress" in terms of having more and more "non-dual" experiences. 

I sometimes feel that I right on top of the threshhold of transitioning into something unknown. 

Even though the pursuit of the-truth-of-myself have been what have been at the center of my focus the last couple of years, as I now start to get glimpses that are more than a handful so to say I start to get nervous and to back off. At the same time I continue forward, because at another level - I want to go all the way

I am a person who value my mental clarity and cognitive abilities quite a lot. 
When I get into these wacky "non-dual" states - i feel as I am in free fall. That my grip of reality is falling apart. This is equally amazing as scary.

Going crazy or insane is something I fear. And when I start to think about what would happen if I would truly allowed myself to fall, merge, transcend or you know - and in that, instead of fully accepting it and allowing it to become me, I would be overwhelmed and resist and try to crawl back to ordinary consciousness, and if that wouldn't work and I would be in a negative destructive thought spiral ... in that scenario my thoughts become dark of what I would have to do to stop my own madness. 

Otherwise I am right now really happy with my life. I have a stable personality and outside of this no dark thoughts or self-destructive intentions.

I feel like ought to face these silly stupid worrying thoughts that have no sense to them what so ever.
But I am at the same time a bit worried of what could happen if I did.

FUCK ME as I write this I realize I am afraid of thoughts I havn't had, in a situation that havn't been. 
 

Anyhow - any good tips or advice when approaching dark thoughts that have elements of self-harm to them?
Or any other good tips when transitioning - so that it goes as smoothly and positive as possible, and not the other way? I.e having a spiritual emergency

 

Thanks !

[Haumea]

In my experience, mental clarity and general cognitive ability are unaffected by ego death/stabilizing in non-duality.

What may be happening is that you're getting close and the ego is messing with you to warn you off.  

You can get negative thoughts, depression, even fake heart attacks.

The only difference between before and now is that the personal narrative cannot be maintained - the center point which you need to do that is no longer there, replaced by a sense of emptiness.  Everything else is the same: thoughts, feelings, actions - the difference is that it happens spontaneously.  It doesn't feed the ego, positively or negatively.

Edited September 11, 2017 by Haumea