Does Anyone Feel This Energy Frequently As Well?

[Preetom]

@Martin123 It's impossible to suppress it forever. My monkey mind tried so hard to desensitize me and make me give up this path by making me forget about all this completely. But again and again, through hundreds of self-denial and self-loathing episodes, I somehow found myself recommitting once again. Reading books, finding the right techniques and practicing them etc. 

that's pretty much my life story for last 3-4 years. Episodes of developing and losing awareness. Very recently, I'm starting to realize that it's not really my choice. I just can't shut off my consciousness and pretend that nothing is happening. This longing for awakening will probably chase me to my death bed. So I got no choice but to honor it and let it take it's course.