Someone Please Talk Me Out Of Going Back To My Lying Addiction Days

[WaterfallMachine]

It's an addiction.

It's like the craving a once addicted smoker has after a few months of not smoking. They feel the craving whenever they see someone else smoking cigarette. Their thoughts wander around to it when they're lying down exhausted on their bed. They eye cigarettes in a store but push themselves to rush past it.

That's what it's like for me with lying. 

Life has been going smoothly for me these past few months — But I've gotten back to being depressed. So much work has been piling up lately. My confidence to handle it goes down. Then my confidence in life in general starts withering.  And so I end up thinking about this again. 

It's been several months since I've been on lying sprees.  I lied because I wanted praise. I lied because I believed without accomplishments — you were worthless and a loser. People currently around me are supportive but I have this irrational suspicion that because I'm no longer lying — no one really accepts me. Yes, I know that's the stress talking. But what do I do about it? I've been slowly practicing being vulnerable for more than a year but it seems too hard, too slow, and it takes so much effort to put my full trust even with people I'm close to even if they're affirming. 

I can't seem to admit this in full detail in real life (I only lied bragging on the internet). I'm ashamed. But I seem to at least be able to ask help here.

Please, I don't want to go back. But I can't stop thinking about it.

[RichardY]

"Someone Please Talk Me Out Of Going Back To My Lying Addiction Days".

You've already decided.

Perhaps not being around what triggers the lying, or to find something more addictive to replace the lying. As for incentive, how does someone quantify the "benefits" of lying to not lying or being true to self?

[smd]

@WaterfallMachine So you're heading back to rock bottom.  How did you get out of it last time?  You said you had taken steps to improve yourself and stopped lying.  So what made you decide to quit lying last time?  What was the first step?  Revisit the first step & think about why you quit lying in the first place.  Start there & see if you'll be able to pull out of this backslide.

[Key Elements]

Why are you lying? Just be yourself. Why do you feel the need to lie? Not all lies are "bad."