I'm Suffering Internally

[AilinKyung]

I'm SUFFERING SOMETHING. I don't know the name of this disease or whatever.

I'm gonna describe it to you and I hope you can tell me the name of this suffering! 

 

On Thursday,

I was in a Business classroom;

I was really confident;

I was being myself;

Energetic;

Happy;

I was so comfortable on my own skin;

I participated the class and asked questions.

 

BUT

 

That same day (on Thursday),

After finishing business class I went to Toastmaster Club (Meet up Club). It's my favorite Club;

On toastmaster club;

I started to be anxious;

Uncomfortable;

Fake (I wanted to be myself);

Unconfident;

Unhappy;

Started to become a people pleaser;

I can't focus the present moment;

Really conscious of everything.

 

After toastmaster club I felt sad and depressed because of not being myself. 

 

I was suffering internally.

I wanted to relax but I couldn't control it.

 

It happens many many times this situation. Sometimes with different people or places.

 

I don't need anyone something valuable. I don't need approval. I don't care other people 's opinion. I don't need love.

 

CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT AM I SUFFERING ABOUT? IS IT SOCIAL ANXIETY? SHYNESS? INSECURITIES? WHAT IS IT?

I went to a "really confident girl" to an "unconfident girl" on the same day.

I went to "being myself" to "a people pleaser and fake girl" on the same day.

 

I want to stop this kind of suffering; What do you recommend me to do? and How can I call this suffering name?

 

 

Edited September 9, 2017 by AilinKyung

[AilinKyung]

@Mad Max I really appreciate your answer!

I tried to read your answer many times. It was a little bit complicated to understand.

I definitely gonna look for more information where you highlighted!

 

Yes, I have a normal and dysfunctional family.

My people pleasing attitude maybe comes from my dysfunctional family and my past experiences.

 

Thank you so much! You helped me a lot! I'm gonna learn a lot more about psychology! 

Edited September 10, 2017 by AilinKyung

[AilinKyung]

@Mad Max no need for love and approval; I learn from Actualized.org videos!

The video names are "How to be yourself" "How to be attractive" 

[Michael569]

There must have been a "trigger event" something that cause the emotional reaction, that led you to become unconscious. 

What you could try is to contemplate that event. Take a piece of paper and write down what happened , everything you remember and maybe you'll discover what triggered you: a person you don't like, a particular smell, large crowd of people, someone acting the in contrast with your values. 

Or get into a meditative state and once you manage to calm your mind, return in your mind to that place or any other place that triggered you and try to look around for some clues. 

In my life I tend to find that when I am undergoing a situation that is going against my core values, I feel strong emotional reaction. The trick is to accept it and become aware of it in the first place. The second step would be to try to identify the cause. 

[The Universe]

On 10/09/2017 at 1:10 AM, AilinKyung said:

I'm SUFFERING SOMETHING. I don't know the name of this disease or whatever.

I'm gonna describe it to you and I hope you can tell me the name of this suffering! 

 

On Thursday,

I was in a Business classroom;

I was really confident;

I was being myself;

Energetic;

Happy;

I was so comfortable on my own skin;

I participated the class and asked questions.

 

BUT

 

That same day (on Thursday),

After finishing business class I went to Toastmaster Club (Meet up Club). It's my favorite Club;

On toastmaster club;

I started to be anxious;

Uncomfortable;

Fake (I wanted to be myself);

Unconfident;

Unhappy;

Started to become a people pleaser;

I can't focus the present moment;

Really conscious of everything.

 

After toastmaster club I felt sad and depressed because of not being myself. 

 

I was suffering internally.

I wanted to relax but I couldn't control it.

 

It happens many many times this situation. Sometimes with different people or places.

 

I don't need anyone something valuable. I don't need approval. I don't care other people 's opinion. I don't need love.

 

CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT AM I SUFFERING ABOUT? IS IT SOCIAL ANXIETY? SHYNESS? INSECURITIES? WHAT IS IT?

I went to a "really confident girl" to an "unconfident girl" on the same day.

I went to "being myself" to "a people pleaser and fake girl" on the same day.

 

I want to stop this kind of suffering; What do you recommend me to do? and How can I call this suffering name?

 

 

You're most probably having a spiritual awakening. Same symptoms for me. If you try to resist this stuckness it will get stronger. Don't. All of these videos could help you : Good luck  :

 

[smd]

@AilinKyung Was Business Class in the morning and Toastmasters in the evening??   

If so, I think it's your energy level.  Mornings have high energy & everything is going to be awesome.  Afternoons & evenings, the energy drags and now you can't keep up with whatever it was you were doing for the Business class.

Also, maybe you were prepared for business class in the morning and ill-prepared for the Toastmasters club?

Lastly, the energy in the room might be different.  Maybe everyone in the Toastmaster's room was keyed up & tense, so the fear of it, the live presentation of unknown things, rubbed off on you.

[AilinKyung]

@smd eeeemmm it's nothing related what you talked about.

1. First, this kind of social anxiety attact appears with specific type of people during a day or night; any time.

2. Second, Toastmasters members are really motivational, energetic and inspirational people.

3. Third, I didn't prepare anything on toastmasters.

 

Anyway I have tons of reasons about not being related what you have said.

 

I think one of the reason that causes me social anxiety is because something happened in my childhood experience. Also, my parents are normal, mediocre, disfuntional people. I believe this is the origin of my problem.

Edited September 21, 2017 by AilinKyung

[sgn]

54 minutes ago, AilinKyung said:

2. Second, Toastmasters members are really motivational, energetic and inspirational people.

Do you feel the need to fit in with that description?

Edited September 21, 2017 by sgn

[AilinKyung]

@sgn I don't have the need to fit in. I'm just describing the people I have met to @smd

[Key Elements]

@AilinKyung If your external environment is troubling you internally in subtle ways, and you find it that way because your thoughts are there, try going to a quiet place, like the library, and be in the present for a minute and let go of everything (all the stories you've experienced during the day). Then, after you cleared up some thoughts, be prepared to work on something. Remember, when you are present in another environment, everything else that you've previously experienced doesn't really exist. They are just trains of thoughts. 

[Vytas]

What can I say, I feel like I have the same mindset. It feels terrible when you try even unconsciously to live up to your persona thus sacrificing your own happiness. It is funny because just 2 hours ago I watched this insane video which really hit me. It penetrated me soo deeply. Basically what it says is that base your worth not on the outside things. But on what you truly are, and above that be courageous. Even though you may look stupid, be yourself! Thats the quality which is definitely above fear.

So there is the video. Hope it will touch your heart too