My Search Is Over - Realized My True Nature - A Short Self-reflection (shrooms)

[Franz]

The sheer memory of the experience I am about to share still makes my body shake (No BS). Writing this text seems almost impossible, but Iam trying my best, out of gratefulness.

After a series of minor mushroom trips in the 3-6 gram range during the last months, I felt ready for the final breakthrough, or ego-death, the ultimate surrendering. For everyones safety, I will not go into details about the exact dose which did the trick for me, but it was A LOT. The experience still caught me off-guard, but I made my way through hell ( this is not an allegory), also thanks to a beautiful person, my dear tripsitter aka GF, who stood by my side until the job was done. Eternal gratefulness towards her soul.

After fighting "chaos dragons" (most accurate description I can come up with) for two hours, which felt like eternity, I was finally weak enough to give up my life. Dont get me wrong, this was not some "bad trip" kinda stuff, I literally had to face the fact that everything I ever did, loved or thought to be is, ultimately, a lie. Thats the nasty face of surrendering for you! I did the most counter-intuitive thing and willingly accepted defeat, death and insanity. Dont underestimate the hardship of letting EVERYTHING go, its terror.

Then, for a split-second, I accessed the "collective consciousness", "god-mind", or whatever you want to call it. Franz was gone, I was still there. Instant realization of my own nature, which is love (cliche much? because its true, my friends). This stage has to be experienced! My words here are silly and will only evoke concepts in your mind. The beauty is beyond anything you can imagine. It is heartbreaking, purifying, and humbling in the most glorious way. I spoke the Truth (in any imaginable way, capital fucking T) to my girlfriend for a few minutes. She was barely able to follow me at all, which is fine, but she got the general idea, and cried tears of joy just like I did. BTW, I did not feel any difference between me and her. Slowly, I morphed back into human mind and form, not without some treasures nobody can buy.

My state of mind after the experience is nothing short of perfect. I am still the same guy as a person, but my mind is silenced to a large degree. I can finally see the world for what its always been. Awareness is through the roof, video games are not engaging anymore (lol). Distinguishing between genuine life goals and egoic desires is easier than ever, and there is much work left to do. Self- realization opens the door towards the actual work. 

 

Some one-liners that inspired and actually helped me:

 

Enlightenment is just a word, a concept. Dont pay too much attention to it, you ultimately have to let it go

Love (surrendering) truly IS stronger than hate (resistance)

Everything is based on the eternal conflict between resistance and surrendering

There is great power in non-resistance. Most people would consider this a weakness, though

If you hear the call, accept it

You are never alone, and never unloved

Everything is just a game, and death is not real (you still treat it differently, which is fine)

Duality and death is a necessary lie (for now...)

The ego is here for friendly competition, you can work with it, not against it

Follow your best intuition, never become consumed by things YOU FEEL are wrong

If you encounter malevolence and"evil", be its last host. You have the power to let it go, and it will disappear

You will encounter WHATEVER you TRULY want to encounter in life

Life is LITERALLY a reflection of yourself. Dont underestimate this

 

This is a love-letter towards LIFE and TRUTH. Dont waste your existence, I beg you. It will all come together just fine in the end (spoiler - there is no end).

 

Your most humble servant,

Franz

 

Edited September 8, 2017 by Franz

[Real Eyes]

Amazing report.  The "surrender" thing is what I struggle with most.  Because what if I surrender to some sort of malevolent force?  If I knew I was surrendering to the highest good/truth, it wouldn't be as scary.

[Franz]

7 minutes ago, Real Eyes said:

 

7 minutes ago, Real Eyes said:

Amazing report.  The "surrender" thing is what I struggle with most.  Because what if I surrender to some sort of malevolent force?  If I knew I was surrendering to the highest good/truth, it wouldn't be as scary.

Hello there. You are spot on, you will not surrender without a serious fight. All those objections came up for me too, because it sure as hell does not feel like you are surrendering to something good! But if you do, you will see through your own illusion, which is the ego! It lies to you in various ways, told me I will 100% end up insane if I give in, never be the person I was, or will be an outcast for the rest of my life. And it all felt super convincing.

[Real Eyes]

5 minutes ago, Franz said:

Hello there. You are spot on, you will not surrender without a serious fight. All those objections came up for me too, because it sure as hell does not feel like you are surrendering to something good! But if you do, you will see through your own illusion, which is the ego! It lies to you in various ways, told me I will 100% end up insane if I give in, never be the person I was, or will be an outcast for the rest of my life. And it all felt super convincing.

Are you of the opinion then that anything "evil" that we encounter is nothing but our own projections?  That there are no malevolent forces "out there"?

[Franz]

18 minutes ago, Real Eyes said:

Are you of the opinion then that anything "evil" that we encounter is nothing but our own projections?  That there are no malevolent forces "out there"?

I want to give you the best answer I can come up with:

Evil arisis out of duality, which again is a form of resistance (Just imagine your skin, resisting the outside world). The collective awareness split itself to create a feeling of human duality. The individual awareness forgot where it came from and got caught up in being seperated. Seperation implies: I know what can hurt me, so I know what can hurt YOU - that is the birth of Evil. The Evil is out there in everyone including you, because you know how to hurt others. You do not have to act it out. It will disappear when duality is over, if it ever will. Our current life would not work or make sense without duality, maybe we will transcend it somewhere down the road.

My guess: If every single individual realises its core nature, the illusion of seperation will vanish. We may evolve into something completely different.

How do I know that stuff? Just experiencing Non-Duality. There is nothing evil there.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Franz

[Max_V]

Thanks for the story, it was really interesting. 

I kinda feel guilty. I feel like I'm not putting enough work into this, not reading and self inquiring nearly enough. School is something I'm really intertwined with atm but I still feel really inauthentic.

Hopefully one day, I can have the full time and commitment to go as far as you have into this. 

Tomorrow I'm going to one of Rupert Spira's lectures and I plan to just completely throw myself in there and just give everything I have. So I hope he can clear up some stuff for me and my understanding can deepen on this topic so I can get more involved in this work

 

 

[Joseph Maynor]

Here's the key question: Are you Being right now?  Can you be it right now?  Forget about thoughts or memories.

The Psychedelics might point you to Being, but Being should stick.  I'm starting to worry that these drugs are giving wrong beliefs and notions about what Being is.  Being is no-thing, the object of no belief.  All beliefs that point at Being too literally die on the vine.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Franz]

30 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Here's the key question: Are you Being right now?  Can you be it right now?  Forget about thoughts or memories.

The Psychedelics might point you to Being, but  Being should stick.  I'm starting to worry that these drugs are giving wrong beliefs and notions about what Being is.  Being is no-thing, the object of no belief.  All beliefs that point at Being too literally, burn in absolute shame.

I have nothing to defend, and I am not going to argue.

52 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Being is no-thing, the object of no belief. 

 

Thats a belief about the nature of being. Who told you its true?

[5driedgrams]

I'm tearing up reading this. So happy for you! All the love and respect in the world to you and to your mvp gf!!!

[Franz]

2 hours ago, Max_V said:

Thanks for the story, it was really interesting. 

I kinda feel guilty. I feel like I'm not putting enough work into this, not reading and self inquiring nearly enough. School is something I'm really intertwined with atm but I still feel really inauthentic.

Hopefully one day, I can have the full time and commitment to go as far as you have into this. 

Tomorrow I'm going to one of Rupert Spira's lectures and I plan to just completely throw myself in there and just give everything I have. So I hope he can clear up some stuff for me and my understanding can deepen on this topic so I can get more involved in this work

 

 

You are most welcome. About your "guilt": dont beat yourself up, or think that I am someone special now, or more advanced. I just had the genuine desire to know these things, and eventually the answer came to me, in weirder ways than i expected. Your time will come! Much love

 

57 minutes ago, 5driedgrams said:

I'm tearing up reading this. So happy for you! All the love and respect in the world to you and to your mvp gf!!!

Thanks man, I really appreciate it. About my GF... well, we have never been closer than now.  

[Max_V]

@Franz Thanks, I will work hard

So awesome your girlfriend is so helpful and loyal to you.. keep her close to you man, she sounds really special.

[Real Eyes]

@Franz  Can I ask about your other practices during these past few months?  Any meditation or self inquiry etc?

[Franz]

1 hour ago, Real Eyes said:

@Franz  Can I ask about your other practices during these past few months?  Any meditation or self inquiry etc?

Sure thing. Daily Meditation and contemplation, mostly. Also, my lower Dose Trips every 2-4 Weeks were spent in Meditation and goal-setting, lasting 4-6 hours. I was consistent but didnt beat myself up if I missed a day here and there, being busy with University and stuff.    

Edited September 8, 2017 by Franz

[Visionary]

7 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Here's the key question: Are you Being right now?  Can you be it right now?  Forget about thoughts or memories.

The Psychedelics might point you to Being, but Being should stick.  I'm starting to worry that these drugs are giving wrong beliefs and notions about what Being is.  Being is no-thing, the object of no belief.  All beliefs that point at Being too literally die on the vine.

Nothingness is beyond Being, my friend. And even beyond non-Being. 

[Moreira]

It's curious why nature give us survival instincts that make us ego centered while the direction to go is love and altruism.

The paradox is when you are loving others you are loving yourself because there's no separation. But not vice-versa.

[Gabriel Antonio]

Great job!

[Joseph Maynor]

3 hours ago, Visionary said:

Nothingness is beyond Being, my friend. And even beyond non-Being. 

I might agree with you.  It looks like I probably do.  I'm talking about what Being and nothingness reference.  But even that is a duality.  Language is a duality.  Rather than your "nothingness" -- I prefer "no-thing-ness."  Nothingness sounds too much like a belief.  No-thing-ness gets at the non-dual aspect of Being better than nothingness does.  This is my preference of course, not the absolute truth.  

Belief is not reducible to thought or to duality.  Even saying "Being is One" is a duality.  Oneness implies a duality, it implies a not-oneness.  Once the Mind-Matrix takes a slice with duality, even if it carves with the finesse of Bobby Flay, augmentation of Being is necessarily effected; fantasies are born.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[pluto]

Lovely trip report, thank you for sharing. Just one thing i would like to clear up.

You said: Love (surrendering) truly IS stronger than hate (resistance)

^ fear is the opposite of love my friend hate is illusion created by fear and yes love is definitely stronger as darkness cannot exist in lights presence.

Love = Light = Truth

Fear = Darkness = Illusion = Hate

(Connection/Separation) Ultimately

Namaste

Edited September 9, 2017 by pluto

[Alex K]

Guys, look at this as a confirmation that this is possible. Franz will further the beauty of this throughout the world. I have Jealousy, use it as an exercise, do not resist it.

Al lad is actually legally available in most countries - substance Leo used to hit rock bottom.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Alex K

[Franz]

2 hours ago, Alex K said:

Guys, look at this as a confirmation that this is possible. Franz will further the beauty of this throughout the world. I have Jealousy, use it as an exercise, do not resist it.

Al lad is actually legally available in most countries - substance Leo used to hit rock bottom.

Thanks man, this is a very good way to put it. Dont be jealous, your way might look very different from my own. Just listen to that silent voice, calling you to search for "something" (even though its nothing).

 

Another "fun fact" I clearly remember saying to my Girlfriend at the very peak of the experience:

Every word that I (and thats you, too) say is a compromise! The whole system of language is flawed beyond belief, you are playing the "devils game" as soon as you open your mouth. And thats ok! Just dont get hung up on anything someone is saying. Look into someones eyes, willingly accept their flaws, and give them a hug. Thats "truer" and more honest than any word you might say.