Dealing With Persistent And Nice Ex

[Ricksta]

I'm struggling to end things with my ex and need some advice.

We broke up because of differences in values, goals and communication difficulties, so nothing dramatic, and it was an amicable breakup. Thing is though that she is still messaging/contacting me once or twice a day, as if trying to keep the door open. Because we really liked each other it is difficult for me to put a stop to this and move on.

The answer I'm looking for is something along the lines of what would Elliot Hulse do. I would like to deal with this in a decisive grown-ass man manner. Telling her to stop contacting me doesn't work, she always finds a way to contact me and I don't want to go the route of blocking her. Ignoring her also is difficult because of the good relationship we shared in the past.

Side note: It is interesting though to do some research on this aspect of breaking up because most of the content out there seems to focus on dealing with a difficult ex or trying to get your ex back. So neither of these two is relevant in my case. Also if anybody knows of a decent book that will make a solid difference in the way I deal with relationships that would be appreciated. I've read most mainstream ones so it would have to be something a little less well known.

Shot for the help

[Santiago]

34 minutes ago, Mad Max said:

Seems to me like you're both trying to keep the door open. Saying that going No Contact with her doesn't work because she keeps calling you back, is bullshit. You're obviously enabling her behaviour by answering her when she reaches out to you; if you didn't, she would've most likely given up already.

You're the one who's confused, not her. She's a woman. It's only normal that she would follow along if you keep on being nice to her. She's just following your lead.

Also, in addition to liking male attention, women like to keep men on the side as future prospects, in case it doesn't work out with other potential partners/providers. That's just what they do.

The bottom line, is that the problem lies with you. You're sending mixed messages, because you're not clear on what you yourself want yet.

Sort it out for yourself, and then act on it. Don't send mixed messages. Don't speak in anagrams. Be cut-and-dry. Set clear boundaries. If you want her back, tell her. If you don't, tell her. If you want her as a friend, tell her. But make up your own mind first.

Done.

Exactly what he said, I know because a friend of mine has been struggling with breaking up for like 6 months now!!! they have broke up like 20 times already and it's always the same, the girl contacts him and insists and then he goes back to her...

In his case I know 100% he allows this to happen because he is very insecure and he thinks that he will never get any other girl, he thinks he just got her out of luck because she chased him, so he deeply believes that he is worthless and won't find any other girl, that's why despite of being suffering in this relationship he keeps allowing her to come back by not blocking her or by unblocking her eventually to check the messages...
And in this case the relationship they have is super toxic, with verbal and physical aggression on both sides, bullying, infidelity, etc. But even tho he is suffering A LOT he still comes back to her, it just amazes me how your fears and insecurities you get from childhood make your life so miserable.

 

So if you want to leave her just block her, delete her everywhere and if she comes physically to your house just ignore, plug the headphones on and keep doing your things.

Edited September 7, 2017 by Santiago