Moving To The Other End Of The World- And Leaving Family Behind?

[Pelin]

My husband got a job offer from Singapore, which is like 13 hours by plane so the other end of the world for us. It looks like I could find a job teaching English there as well, so we're considering moving there, and in theory never return to Turkey again. It's a big decision to make, and of course we have some concerns. 

One of the biggest concerns is family. We haven't told anyone besides my mother-in-law yet, and she didn't take it very well. She's always saying, put your family first, you can't come over when there's a family crisis/funeral etc, I want to look after my children and so and so on. She's going nuts (her other son also lives abroad but it's 3 hours by plane). I know my mother won't be that hysterical, still I love my family and don't want to upset them, but I feel like we need to move on. In Turkey politics is corrupted, although the constitution seems to be secular, more and more it's moving towards an Islamic society and is becoming unbearable, employers are exploiting the employees, giving them ridiculous salaries and have them work way over 8 hours. Streets are not safe, I wouldn't prefer to raise kids here.

On the other hand, it's the land that I was born in, and considering I have worked in the two top institutions in Ankara and they probably won't hire me back, if I need to turn back, I'll  have to work in a worse place. So will my husband. We are so confused.

My instincts always say "go". I left my hometown and my family without a doubt, but it's just one hour by plane. This is a much bigger decision to make. 

Any suggestions on decision making process? 

I would also like to hear your experiences of moving to another country and if there's anyone living in Singapore, I would like to hear your thoughts as well.

[Key Elements]

@Pelin I think it's awesome if both of you decide to make that move. The children will get exposed to the world better if they grow up in two different parts of the world instead of one. You will see the difference in having multiple backgrounds.

"The world is a great book of which they who never stir from home read only one page." - Augustine 

As for work, yes, it's a good idea once you reach a new place to try to find work that you like. At the same time try to go for passive income online. For example, like actualized.org . Leo is earning through people purchasing his life purpose course. Do a life's calling (life purpose) that you like and meaningful. 

A great starter book to read is Guide to Investing by Robert Kiyosaki for passive income. Once you got that figured out look at Leo's Spiral Dynamics clip and there's a book on Spiral Dynamics. I've listed both books in the book list section of the forum. 

Btw, looks like you're planning to stay long term. Make sure all your legal documents  (passport, visa, etc.) are long term stay. This is #1 priority. Do this now. Beautiful flight map, btw.

[Pelin]

@Key Elements Thanks a lot for your recommendations. I've watched Leo's Spiral Dynamics talk but haven't read the book yet, will definitely check it out. My husband is quite good at investing, but maybe I should get my hands on it, too.

About passive income, I have a blog (on minimalism, mindfulness, consumerism etc) which I'm planning to expand and monetize in the future. Right now I'm just writing once a week and I may need to learn more about blogging, e.g. how to expand it, monetize it without flooding with ads and make it bilingual. If I can't find a job immediately,  I will consider it. And maybe with my adventures it will grow bigger. Thanks

[Key Elements]

@Pelin You're welcome. I wonder why you say that you'll never return. There is always hope and nowadays different ways to travel and stay in touch with family. I know you already know that people work remotely. It would be wonderful to work just from your smartphone. For this, a person has to be creative and work his/her way towards it. If there is a will there's a way. It can be done. Some people do this and travel business class or first class. You get cushy seats, and it reclines into a bed. There are frequent flyer miles programs too. Well, this is not the main point. What do you think? Every minute life is already a phenomenal adventure.   It's meant to be lived to the fullest. Just taking a baby step (an action) changes the whole thing. Those baby steps could add up to something wonderful. 

[Naviy]

I'm Russian from Moscow, have been in Turkey twice.

Half a year ago I have quit my job and moved from Russia to Bali for living (it's even bigger distance than from Turkey to Singapore, hehe). By the way, last week I've been in Singapore for transit too. This weekend I'm gonna visit Singapore again - for transit too.

My personal opinion on changing countries.

I think that "social atmosphere" in a country really affects your psychology. Your normal state always attunes to the normal state of people around you. If you live in a quite unfriendly place, where it is normal to be unhappy, unsatisfied, angry, obsessed, bitter, disappointed, manipulative, fake moral, rigid, dogmatic, frustrated, concentrated on low quality values, closed minded etc., then it will affect you even if you do personal development and even if you do not have undeveloped people in your social circle. This "social atmosphere" is like air that you are breathing - you cannot avoid breathing it. 

I think Turkey and Russia have sort of a similar "social atmosphere" - quite frustrated and heavy. Singapore is a modern, developed, international and tolerant place. I think Singapore definitely has a better "social atmosphere" that can boost your growth and healing (IMHO).

In my case, changing Moscow to Bali made me more optimistic, relaxed, more creative and I accept life more. Simply because "standard social atmosphere" for Indonesians is much less heavy and frustrated than for Russians.

Also, changing countries helps you to become more openminded. And being more openminded helps you to understand things and people more. This understanding decreases levels of negative emotions and frustration in you. For example, I used to be afraid of Muslims and even hate them, because Muslims that I saw in Russia, usually were "bad people" and also because of all the media constantly talking about "Muslim terrorists". After having new experiences with new Muslim people in Indonesia, I started to actually understand what they value and why they behave this or that way. And I felt relief from hatred and frustration from inner conflict and lack of understanding. It's a good growth.

As for the family. What's most important is that you will have your husband for support. You can contact other members of the family via Skype or something. This is not such a super huge difference from real life communication, not so scary as it looks.       

[Pelin]

@Naviy Thanks a lot. Social atmosphere is why I don't want to return to Turkey if I leave. It's like this part of the world has always been full of conflict, even before the beginning of history. I feel we carry all of this in the subconscious of the society. I'm really happy that you made the move and you're happy about it.

We applied for a visa and my husband signed the pre-contract. I think I'll still be in TR for a few months but hopefully I'll move there and find a job in the new year.

[Michael569]

In majority of cases, our families will not support any decision that threatens to integrity and comfort of its members. Ask anyone who has moved abroad. Family members will unconsciously( or consciously)  manipulate you to feel sorry for leaving them even though in most cases there is no real threat unless you would be leaving a mother with progressed Parkinson's with no one to care fro her. I have moved away from home 4 years ago yet I am being bombarded by self pity nearly daily. Most of it by family members who are healthy, and well taken care of. 

Following your agenda and your values will bring you a true satisfaction and regardless of your decision, in time family will learn to accept your decisions. Singapore is not close but you can still come around twice a year. Tickets are not astronomical. 

Putting family on the first place is not the wisest decision as that presents a massive distraction and often hinders your personal growth. 

Take the opportunity and see how it goes, chances are you'll both hate it and come back. You can always find another job, the market is huge and if you already have some experience you wouldn't have a problem