Sex Before/after Marriage? (non-religious)

[Shir]

Hey everyone ! <333

I was curious on your opinion on this topic, as I'm MUCH more of a spiritual person than anything else; so, this topic personally has nothing to do with religion per se, what so ever. 

For reference, I'm a 25 year old young lady that's never been in a relationship (at least not a 'conventional' one, aka long-distance relationships till now - never got to meet the guy; there have been only 2 major ones I'd say - been deeply in love, both broke up with me). So naturally as you can imagine, I'm a virgin. And actually, a virgin in ALL sense of the word...sadly never even held hands nor kissed a guy...or even been on a date (never been asked in person)  Which to be honest saddens me as the years go by because I do not consider myself a non-social person and am very friendly and welcoming, not trying to toot my own horn but just being honest about my situation personally. Other than this, I'm a heterosexual lady who can verify that I do hold a lot of sexual desires and wants (basically do desire sex, to speak rawly).

When I was younger, I felt like the "right" thing to do (for me personally) was to wait till marriage for sex, and for the longest time I was very okay with this notion. However, being as I'm NOT religious, I know that personally speaking I couldn't actually say this as it would seem "silly" to be this way if I'm not religious/doing it for religious reasons. If I had to say why I still wanted to wait for marriage, for sex, I'd say it would have to do with spiritual and self respect reasons (still holds true to this day) 

Thinking about this more as time went by, I had gotten "softer" on the issue and I thought that maybe it was okay to have sex (PERSONALLY SPEAKING) - if I was engaged? Basically, I could possibly have sex before marriage if it was actually to the same guy I'm of course getting married to. 

To try and summarize this so far, in a perfect world, ideally speaking - I would rather save myself for marriage and if not that, than at least have sex with said engaged partner, beforehand.

Today, I feel very torn about all of this because to me this is a topic I hold close to my heart as I am a sensitive person and I want to respect my body the best way I can. This is sad to say, but to be honest one of the reasons I've held off sex for so long (other than said reasons + insecurities) is because I'm afraid of "giving it up" to the wrong person. I know I'd be devastated and hurt, as dramatic at that sounds. To me personally, sex is SO much more than the act itself and I truly want to share it with someone I deeply desire, want and am madly in love with. And, I feel like that commitment of "marriage" makes it that much more special per se. That being said, I know that just because someone has sex AFTER marriage, that doesn't actually mean "all will be well" - I know that there are a lot of things to take into consideration, like sexual compatibility ect...which I'm very open to discuss deeply before getting into anything ( if someone was curious that I'd neglect that haha). Other than this, when I find myself digging deeper into my emotions and reasoning behind all this, I've noticed that I hold this fear - I'm frankly afraid of having sex with someone, and them leaving me/breaking up with me. I cannot help but think how used I'd feel, no matter the pleasure that might be beforehand. I'm terrified of getting used, especially being a virgin for so long and putting such importance on this topic personally. 

I also wanted to state that - I have no problem with other people doing what they want with their bodies and I know I have absolutely NO right to judge - as long as they are being safe, and respecting the other person and themselves, I think all is well. I just wanted to say this because I really do not want to come across judgmental or a snob - I'm ALL for people doing what's right for them, including myself. <3

As for myself, I have gotten "offers" for sex before but clearly turned them all down and always stated that I'm not into hook-ups (nor will I ever be tbh) and am looking for something serious in my life, as I always felt so to begin with. 

From everything I've said above, I think you can sort of get the jist of the situation. Basically, I don't feel like (where I live) there are ANY man who would even bother being this "traditional" and wait for marriage/engagement in order to have sex (which tbh I totally respect and understand that view as well) and to make matters "worse"..men that would actually be up for something like this are of course considered religious and that already doesn't make me a candidate per se. So from the dating pool I basically don't feel like I fit anywhere, per se. For example, from where I live, secular ppl would be like wtf? no sex? 25?! but religious people wouldn't bother with me as I'm not religious of course, according to them at least. I know, technically speaking that there are men in the world who would be respectful and wait and respect their partner (if that's what she wants) but sadly I don't feel like there are such men here, where I'm from. 

The ONLY thing I've found close to my situation are the Christian community (traditionally speaking) that I've seen online in the US that hold similar virtues to having sex only after marriage/saving oneself for marriage. I've seen people who could easily date one another in those communities, as they of course hold similar if not identical beliefs and virtues. That being said, I'm not a Christian but wanted to bring this up as an example how I don't fit it anywhere from the varies examples above till now. 

*Sigh* I know I shouldn't blame the fast-paced money hungry, instant gratification, sex filled world we live in, but I cannot help but lose hope in finding someone similar to me that would want to wait as well. The thing is, the "last guy" from the 2 guys was actually a perfect gentleman and held virtues close to mine, including this, however he wasn't from where I live (no wonder I keep falling for men that aren't from here) and that in itself was a blessing and not because he was far away as it is (US) but also because he broke it off with me. 

To be honest, other then the "finding men" problem that would be okay with me on this issue, I actually don't even know if I'm being too hard or rather that I'm actually doing the "right thing" with myself on this issue (sex).  I know I should never do anything I'm uncomfortable with yet I have this sad feeling that no one would want me unless I put out in a relationship...at least where I live. I feel like nothing is sacred anymore and that there's no hope (in today's world) about finding a guy who would respect you enough to want to wait for sex. I don't know if it's just me feeling so but I cannot help but express my concerns.

Phew...that was a long one, so sorry. 

I'd LOVE to know your thoughts about my situation - am I doing the right thing? should I even be hopeful? 

Thank you SOOOO MUCH for reading everything ! <333

[SFRL]

 

[aurum]

@Shir

I don't believe in waiting for marriage to have sex for a couple reasons.

One is that it would be repressing a natural, healthy urge in myself. My sex drive is so overwhelming at times that if I didn't express that energy through actual sex, I'd 100% end up as the creepy guy sitting alone watching porn all day and hating life. Also, I'd would lash out and judge everyone who was having sex because secretly I'd be jealous.

The second reason is that I need to know that I have sexual chemistry with the girl I'm going to be committing myself too. If we are going to be having sex for years and years, we better be on the same page. Otherwise that relationship is basically doomed to fail.

The third reason is more of a "guy" thing. When I meet a girl for the first time, I'm not automatically thinking about how can I get  relationship with her. It's not personal, I just don't even know anything about her and I'm happy having casual sex. The best relationships I've had are when a girl and I were just having fun, but then as we got to know each other we realized we actually both wanted to commit.

[Shir]

@SFRL Haha, this was HILARIOUS !!!! Thank you for the good laugh

Always interesting seeing the male perspective of things !

[Shir]

@aurum First off, thank you for the honest and detailed reply ! I really do appreciate it <3

As I've said towards the previous comment, it's wonderful seeing the male's perspective on things and I can imagine it would help me understand the topic better for myself, outside myself. 

I appreciate the honesty and read all of your reasons - I completely agree with you when you said that it's a natural urge, sexually speaking. Hence why I've found it really challenging for me because tbh I do see myself as a women with a passionate/mid-high sex drive (I know that might seem silly to say, being a virgin, but I feel like this way now then I can only imagine how the real deal might make me feel). As you can imagine, it's hard to repress these feeling BUT at the same time I'm still very happy and proud to be virgin, as much as I'm "denying" myself of the pleasures of real sex, per se. 

With sexual chemistry, I totally agree as well...that's a HUGE factor in any relationship (I can imagine, apart from asexual couples) and sadly I HOPE that if I do same myself for marriage, that I'd at least be able to get a glimpse and see for myself if sexual chemistry does exist...somehow. I'm a VERY open person and am open to anything kinky ect so hopefully lots of talking and getting to know the other person more would do it's justice. 

The third reason - hmm...I can see how you said it's a guy thing. No offence but I'd never be that "type of girl" to hook up and then find out if I want to have a relationship with a guy. Sorry to sound blunt but it seems very cheap to me. So I just know I'd have no part in the hook-up culture whatsoever and am proud to admit that. However, if this is something that works for you then by all means - kuddos to you. 

 

Thank you for your reply !

[aurum]

@Shir

This may be too blunt, but I don't believe you.

I think you're afraid. You're afraid of what would happen if you had casual sex, and so you've constructed this whole identity of "the proud virgin" in order to avoid that.

Ask yourself: is this role I'm playing still serving my needs?

If it is, great. Keep it.

But if it's not, and I highly suspect it's not, you may want to make the conscious decision to start dropping it.

[Shir]

@aurum Of course I'm afraid on the matter of what would happen if I had casual sex...hence why I prefer not to even go there. Like I mentioned in my original post; I've had "offers" but denied each and everyone of them. I would honestly never be happy with casual sex; I get very easily attached and with all due respect, I prefer to be treated as more than just a one night stand. Which sadly, you men think all women want casual sex and that isn't the case. 

And you know what? I AM proud to be a virgin. Not because I'm "better" than anyone else who isn't a virgin (FAR from it) - but because I listened to myself and did what's best for me and respected my integrity. So by all means, you can call this an act...I call it having some self respect for my body and not giving it away carelessly to any other horny guy that couldn't care less about you, basically treating you like a walking pussy. 

Am I sexually frustrated? Do I have needs and desires too? OF COURSE. I would never deny that and am VERY honest about things like that. Aka...I'd never lead the guy on into thinking he can have a piece of ass just for the fun of it but at the same time will admit to feeling sexually frustrated (if asked about, that is). 

Furthermore, just because I have self respect and don't want to throw away my virginity and act all sleazy and hook up with every guy there is- doesn't mean I should fall into the trap of "being like everyone else" just to prove a point. I don't NEED to have casual sex in order to prove a point to you nor anyone else. 

Thank you for you input and by all means - you can keep on not-believing me all you like. 

Good day ! 

[Sevi]

@Shir my situation is quite similar to yours. I had 2 boyfriends but I didn't have sex before marriage and I'm not a religious person either. I understand where you're coming from. 

I would say rather than defining your desire as marriage, it would be a better fit to express it as a meaningful long term relationship where you and your partner have mutual comfort and commitment in it.

You need to consider that a man's needs and expectations from a long lasting relationship naturally will have differences than yours. You want your very personal choices and wishes be accepted and embraced by a man, which is a very understandable desire. But on the other hand, have you educated yourself well enough to understand a man's deep manly desires and fears and ready to welcome them yourself? What you are asking is quite unique and I honestly believe that which is possible but it's not a one way highway.

You might be creating a lot of pressure on the topic by expecting things to happen only in the the way you designed in your mind. It can be more comforting for you to be open to the universe, meaning, things can happen in a different format. 

You can easily see if someone values you as a person and a woman, when they try their best and if it doesn't work, it would be unfair to say they used you. I think it's about building the mutual trust along the way with the other party, by putting aside all the judgements and assumptions; and being truly open to communicate and be willing to be vulnerable... the more we try to protect ourselves from being hurt, the more we fall apart from being in deep intimate relationships.

[Shir]

@Sevi Hey There ! <333 

First off, would like to say thank you for you honest and sincere reply - I was worried I won't be able to hear another ladies perspective and this was actually comforting, in a way  I'm relieved to here that your situation is close to mine...makes me feel less lonely haha. 

21 hours ago, Sevi said:

meaningful long term relationship

I completely agree - I was actually aiming for that if "all else fails"...I think the problem is that I want to feel fully committed to and special in a way, hence my idea of marriage/saving myself for marriage. Which I know seems silly (in this day and age, I guess?) but I think I'm just protecting my heart more than anything else tbh (well not gonna lie, being as I am with this attitude, it helps that I don't have to worry about any unwanted pregnancies and or STD's). 

21 hours ago, Sevi said:

have you educated yourself well enough to understand a man's deep manly desires and fears and ready to welcome them yourself?

I have tried to understand them more so in the past few years yes...even the sexual, lustful part which tbh I very much like in a man and WANT to respect it and honor it because I totally see that side in myself as well...I think that's why I'm soo held back...because I understand BOTH sides of the coin (for lack of a better term for it) and still want to honor "him" and "myself" which I don't know how I could do that based on my fears. Hence why I thought that maybe waiting till being "engaged" could be the sweet spot...for having sex? I can imagine it would also help to determine sexual compatibility and if something goes wrong, well at least I know I was special enough to be engaged to...I guess.

 

21 hours ago, Sevi said:

What you are asking is quite unique and I honestly believe that which is possible but it's not a one way highway.

Thank you ! <3 and omg I totally agree...I would never make a person do it "my way or the high way" sort of deal haha. Basically what I'm trying to say is, I respect the other person enough in order to not lead them on into thinking they'd have sex right then and there ect...so in the sense I'd only want to be with a partner that he himself was willing to do something similar like I wanted, hence my heartbreak from the recent guy I loved. 

 

21 hours ago, Sevi said:

You might be creating a lot of pressure on the topic by expecting things to happen only in the the way you designed in your mind. It can be more comforting for you to be open to the universe, meaning, things can happen in a different format. 

Thank you for this...it was very insightful !

 

21 hours ago, Sevi said:

being truly open to communicate and be willing to be vulnerable... the more we try to protect ourselves from being hurt, the more we fall apart from being in deep intimate relationships.

As I was reading this...I had a realization about myself. I have absolutely NO problem being emotionally vulnerable (if anything, I'm personally all for it and have been exactly that in my last "2 relationships"). However, the issue I have at hand is being Physically vulnerable AND Emotionally vulnerable...I cannot even fathom being able to do the two in something that is less than an engagement/marriage situation - for myself only. I'm honestly just afraid of "giving my all" to someone I trust, love and adore; only to see it break down and crumble away. I feel like I've given my heart before, twice now, only to be disappointment and heartbroken. It makes me terrified to think what would happen and more so how I'd feel to give away "my body" to someone and go through all that heartbreak all over again...I hope you see my problem here. I know love isn't perfect and cannot be calculated like math but in a sense I'm trying to avoid heartbreak as much as possible at this point. I think that being 25 and still a virgin, makes me feel all that much more vulnerable because I've kept myself...to myself all along and haven't let anyone in that far. 

I fear like I'm waiting for this perfect guy and I don't even know if he exists tbh. Not to mention that, my standers seem very silly considering I'm not religious...people might shy away from someone like me because there isn't an apparent reason that is holding me back from sex, in a sense. *sigh*

Anyways - sorry for the long winded post - you really got me thinking ! I appreciate your reply, thank you very much ! <3

[wavydude]

Jesus christ girl just get yourelf some good dick. You treat sex like it's some sacred thing and loosing virginity changes everything, well it doesn't, you're the same person after, it's nothing super special.

You say you're ok with being a virgin yet you post on a self-developemnt forum about it torn by your sexual urges so you're definately not ok with something. The funniest thing is that you describe what sex means to you yet you never had it. It's like a guy who's been sitting on his couch watching discovery channel and now he's ranting how important traveling is. It's all concetps that has been put in your head by society and yourself, it has very little to do with real sex. Just try the real thing.

I cannot speak for all the men out there, but I personally would't like my future wife to be a virgin becouse if you're a virgin it probably means you're pretty bad at sex and relationships, have't explored enough and basically don't REALY know what you want from a partner.

If you think you will just save yourself untill that perfect guy show up, you will connect perfectly and live happily ever after you're up for rude awakening, life simply does't work like this. Cases like that are very rare ( honestly I don't know any couple like that), having good relationshps requires work like any other aspect of life, which means making mistakes and getting hurt.

Meeting people and progressing through all the phases of physical and emotional connection ( from holding hands through kissing to having sex etc. ) is an amazing process, it grows you as a person and is unique experience. I honestly don't see any other reason to not do it than fear.

[Shir]

@wavydude Wow...I appreciate your response and the time you took to write all this but there's no need to be so harsh about it. 

Like you said, life isn't perfect...I AM VERY PROUD to be virgin because it has been the best thing I could do for myself sexually speaking, yet of course I do admit to having sexual desires and urges! It's only natural. I really do not see it as a bad thing at all. I'm sharing my personal question with the forum in order to gain more opinions about this as my situation IS different because it has absolutely NOTHING to do with religious practices ! aka saving yourself for marriage for religious reasons.

And you know what? If I really wanted to get some good dick, you best be sure I could. And no I'm not even bluffing - it's literally just a phone call away. and furthermore - to me sex IS sacred AND special ! I'm not saying it's the same for everyone nor does it need to be but I sure as hell and not going to let you belittle me and make me feel like I should treat sex like everyone else. I take sex VERY seriously and will never make absolutely any compromises whatsoever about sex. You best believe that ! 

And so what if I can describe what sex means to me? are you serious? you're saying like that's a freaking crime ! how absurd of you to think that I don't know what sex is or could be like....hello I'm 25 and have had PLENTY of open conversations about sex from the inside out. And, just because I'm a virgin - that doesn't mean I'd be shitty at bed. It's asshole jerks like you that think that virgins are timid little fragile women who know less then you do. I hate to break it to you but you're honestly the one living in a bubble, not me. I promise you that when I do have sex, no one would be able to tell if I was a virgin or not. I know what I want EXACTLY, what I desire and what I crave from a partner. Just because I'm not out there acting all slutty about it, doesn't make me any less of a person than any other experienced women. Like whoa aren't you the judgy asshole huh?

Moreover - I know what I'm worth and if a guy doesn't want to wait for me then guess what, he wasn't meant for me and I deserve better than that. Trust me, if the tables were turned then obviously the same can be said about me. I'm not trying to sound sexist but everyone has their standers and has every right to feel comfortable and behold themselves and respect their own dignity

3 hours ago, wavydude said:

loosing virginity changes everything

You know what? THINGS CAN CHANGE. Emotionally and Physically ! and just because you feel like that wasn't so for you, doesn't mean that others will feel the same, including me. 

Furthermore - you'd be freaking surprised and just HOW many couples are actually okay with saving themselves AND are pleased with their significant other ! It doesn't take a genius to know that sexually compatibility is very important and as long as you're very, very open and honest about what you want, desire and have...then there's nothing more you can do then well, doing the do. 

3 hours ago, wavydude said:

I honestly don't see any other reason to not do it than fear.

That's EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG. FEAR ! 

[wavydude]

Quote

And so what if I can describe what sex means to me? are you serious? you're saying like that's a freaking crime ! how absurd of you to think that I don't know what sex is or could be like....hello I'm 25 and have had PLENTY of open conversations about sex from the inside out. And, just because I'm a virgin - that doesn't mean I'd be shitty at bed. It's asshole jerks like you that think that virgins are timid little fragile women who know less then you do. I hate to break it to you but you're honestly the one living in a bubble, not me. I promise you that when I do have sex, no one would be able to tell if I was a virgin or not. I know what I want EXACTLY, what I desire and what I crave from a partner. Just because I'm not out there acting all slutty about it, doesn't make me any less of a person than any other experienced women. Like whoa aren't you the judgy asshole huh?

ohh boy you're up for some reality check 

 

I didn't mean to offend you just wanted to let you see through your bs. I'm not saying you are going to be "shitty in bed", but if you have no experience you probably will be and there is nothing bad about it. Exploring your sexuality is fun stuff and maby you should look at it more from this perspective.
 

Quote

That's EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG. FEAR ! 

Well if it's only fear that's holding you back there is no other way out than to face it.

 

also one question, do you masturbate and/or watch porn ?

[Annie]

@Shir When I was still a virgin I also wanted  my first time to be something special, a sacred moment shared with that special someone, etc. It all came to be very different than I could have ever imagined. In my case in it was a very very negative experience but I'm not saying that's normal. What I am saying is that it's nice you have all those ideas about virginity and future sex life and all but don't get too stuck on any type of ideas you may have because life often surprises us and turns "plans and hopes" upside down. Don't overthink this issue and simply go with the flow. Everyone is afraid of being let down by a partner but this uncertainty is part of life. No risk no fun.

[Sevi]

@Shir yes, vulnerability is something important to take into consideration to decide what actions to take. Especially female energy is a sensitive form which is made of a delicate substance, so that you wanna protect it the right way and keep yourself balanced; but already you seem knowing yourself well enough, -that's what matters the most- especially in such very private subjects. It's essential to take your time to clear your mind and to see clearly where you stand.

I'd like to say, to work on differing the social judgements, social conditionings from our inner-selves and also to see our inner judgments about ourselves and life would be a very liberating act. (For example, to believe that you are vulnerable -or that much vulnerable- might cause you to not to take actions while some part of you is willing otherwise, it would be smart to detect if it is just a inner judgment of yourself or not)

Lastly.. if there are heart breaks and disappointments.. that might mean that maybe you were on the look of the things you hold dear to your heart appear in life the way 'you' designed in your mind.. then the picture, pictures you saw was not an exact match to that.. so the difference, a dissatisfied expectation creates those reactions to whatever is in front of us.

mindfulness practices are such wonderful tools to enjoy life deeply for what it is, and how it appears itself before your eyes:) then it gets easier to understand people, where they come from thus to love them just because..

Actually when you start to experience to really love the 'other', there is actually not any heart breaks my dear. But it takes a little time..

Wishing you all the best❤

[Sevi]

17 hours ago, wavydude said:

Jesus christ girl just get yourelf some good dick

AHHAHHAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Principium Nexus]

My girlfriend was also virgin at 25 and held the same believes as you which is completely understandable. Women want a relation that is preferably long lasting and don't want to get used, so sex after marriage seems like an idea that both will be bound by law to stay together and will live a happy life after. Thus it sort of eliminates the possibility of something shortlasting or 'being used'.

What we are actually looking at is a trust issue or you held it because of culutural/religious believes. You can only start to trust someone if you try to get into a relation and be there for each other.

If you really fall deeply in love sex after marriage seems unrealistic, you have human urges that should be explored and also strengthen a relationship, when you hold yourself back for years (don't know how quickly you will even marry), than this will affect your relationship in an somewhat negative way. Most guys even though they really respect you need to get a sexual confirmation that you like them. 

When you postpone sex for a longtime, they will start to question if something is wrong, because they do love you and dont want to lose you.

Realisticly speaking sex after marriage, if you really in love is not easy and will only be something you put up to yourself because you hold a certain belief of being used.

I would advise that if your dating someone get to know them really well, see what character they have and if it is something you are looking longterm for. If you are not sure if you really like him then don't have sex until you know for sure. Also hormones might exaggerate your feelings from time to time, which can make a guy look more or less attractive. If you are on a low know that it could be due to hormones and don't conclude things to fast, likewise when your at a high, if you give it some time you get a good picture what your feelings are.

Also lets focus on "The One" topic! I think this doesn't really exist and have a good reason, so waiting and sitting till one hops by is not the best choice.

-We all are constantly changing, our physical appearance and our psychology and worldviews change as we age.

You held certain believes that may apply at this time to your perfect guy, but over time we change as a person and then we think it was not the right person. The mistake is that we keep searching, each time we find someone that resonates with our current state and then after a while feels like your moving apart again.

The human psyche takes time to adapt, even in relationships its not all roses and moonshine. Commitment or other fears might kick in from both sides, but slowly challenge after challenge you begin to strengthen your relationship and that person will become the one. It is all about mutual effort! You can only receive what you put in and only effort will make it work. If things do feel bad, give each other some rest, but do talk about what is bothering you.

I'm going probably little bit off-topic, from sex after marriage to relation advice haha.

The point is, start dating, look for someone you like, if he resonates with you and you like him in general only have sex if you fall in love and you had decent amount of time to get to know him.

[Shir]

@wavydude

17 hours ago, wavydude said:

I'm not saying you are going to be "shitty in bed", but if you have no experience you probably will be and there is nothing bad about it.

I am going to kindly contradict that. I think that's bullshit. Like I said, just because someone is technically a virgin - doesn't mean they are going to be shitty in bed. Like for real, we aren't living in the middle ages and sex is pretty much talked about everywhere, shown everywhere. I KNOW I won't be shitty in bed, and that might seem like a smug thing to say but hey, if there is actually ONE thing I'm pretty sure about ALL THIS thread - is that I won't be shitty in bed. Granted, everyone has their preferences and what they love, still doesn't mean I'd fall short on something per se. 

Also, just for a quick analogy - I know this has nothing to do with sex - but that's like saying just because you never painted/drew anything...that you're gonna be a shitty artist. Which that is freaking dumb. There are MANY talented individuals who never painted/drew in their life and once they did, they were naturally amazing and extremely talented artists. And yet, there are ppl who paint and draw for years and never come close to that capacity of such talent. You could say the exact same thing about sex - just because you've been fucking for years, doesn't mean you're this amazing lover. And so, just because I haven't had sex yet - doesn't mean I'd be shitty at sex. You don't even know me to begin with, and that's a pretty shitty assumption to say to me and ALL virgins in general. 

And you know what? I get it, you think all that I want is bullshit. But, what I think is real bullshit is someone my age giving into society and having sex just to please a partner when they don't feel comfortable about it. When they don't want it. Then they feel all the heartbroken and regret  ever sleeping with someone to begin with. Like damn, just because I respect myself and am not sleeping around like everyone else and actually have standers and have desires of what I'd like in life - that means I'm the bullshit one huh? Interesting. 

That being said, I realize that things don't always work out the way you plan, trust me I know exactly how that feels. But, as long as I'm going to stay true to myself and hold myself high and actually listen internally to what feels right (example - staying a virgin until I meet the right guy) then heck, I'm going to do exactly that. I don't need a reality check. I don't need to be belittled by men like you. Thank you very much. 

18 hours ago, wavydude said:

also one question, do you masturbate and/or watch porn ?

Since you were so curious then yes. I do both. Happy? 

I'm no prude, I have sexual desires and urges and yeah I will admit it IS hard. But you know what's harder? being heartbroken. 

[Shir]

@Annie Hey there ! <3

First off, thank you for your comment and thoughts - I really appreciate it

19 hours ago, Annie said:

In my case in it was a very very negative experience

Awee...I'm so sorry to hear babe !  I hope you're doing okay despite that.  Sending you warm hugs ! <3

 

19 hours ago, Annie said:

What I am saying is that it's nice you have all those ideas about virginity and future sex life and all but don't get too stuck on any type of ideas you may have because life often surprises us and turns "plans and hopes" upside down.

I'll try my best to remember this, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me ! 

 

20 hours ago, Annie said:

Don't overthink this issue and simply go with the flow. Everyone is afraid of being let down by a partner but this uncertainty is part of life. No risk no fun.

Thank you so much for this important advice, I'll be sure to keep this in mind if I do manage to find a future partner <333 !!!

[wavydude]

You totally missing my point. I didn't say you will be "bad at it", its not a competition, there is no bad or good. What I meant was that you won't know your your body etc. fully and  you will have much to explore untill you actually try it out and if you build up so much anticipation the experience will probably be much different than what you think. For my first sexual experience I was with this hot girl that was super horny and asking me to fuck her but I was so nervous and had so many wrong ideas about sex from watching porn that when it came to the thing I couldn't get my dick up 

I asked you if you masturbate only to show you how silly is this belife you hold. You say that to you sex is sacred and special yet you watch other people fucking on screen while stimulating your vajayjay with your hand or some othere foreign objcet for pleasure. Do you see how ridiculous it is ? 

You shouldn't be ashamed of your sexual urges, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You need to realize you are compleately fine weather you slept with 0 guys or 100. Having sex doeasn't make you bad or good person.
 

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Like damn, just because I respect myself and am not sleeping around like everyone else and actually have standers and have desires of what I'd like in life - that means I'm the bullshit one huh? Interesting. 

To me it looks like you are the one not respecting yourself by not respecting and dismissing your sexual urges.

Being heartbroken can be hard and trust me I know that, but living in fear is even worse. 
My advice would be to just drop this whole belife  and start seeing someone you geniuenly like without ANY  expectations and see how it goes. 

Edited September 11, 2017 by wavydude

[Principium Nexus]

@Shir I agree being a virgin doesn't mean you are bad. It is true that you have no/less action experience, but in general if you are good with dancing or rythm in general and read which spots give great satisfaction then you already have a good understanding how to do it