Consciousness Without Meditation

[kkk]

I don't know if somebody here experienced something outside of meditation.

But 2 weeks back I had a weird experience. My roommate's financial and status life is improving while my is going pretty slow. So one time some of his friends gifted him a lot of stuff because he was moving out of the country. So I got really envious , like couldn't even have an eye contact with him at that moment. That day i couldn't just go to sleep because inside i felt like life is so unfair and I was thinking about stuff like - if I know there is god, I would just commit a suicide and go beat the shit out of that asshole piece of shit.

And after 3 days, I was talking with my roommate and he really likes to talk about how good his life is, sometimes I swear to God he is just trying to drill  into my eyes how big he is, so I felt small...but then I noticed that envious feeling in me....it was there, but it was like 10 times weaker and it just didn't hurt anymore. After that envious night i noticed that there is much more peace inside me.

I was wondering maybe someone have similar experience...and has something to say. It would be very interesting to hear. Last days I even have some masochism inside me for some mental trauma...because I know those strong emotional experiences have some power. 

P.S...Sorry for my English, there must be a lot of mistakes in post. And I know that I m ego that doesn't exist, that is fiction.  

 

[Ayla]

@kkk

Envy is a real poison. It is VERY common, so take a bit of the pressure off yourself please. It is one of humanity's biggest conditioning.

Of course, that does not make it right. You know why? Because this will not hurt anyone else but yourself! In fact, you being envious of your friend, means that you are concentrating all your energy on that and bringing it into your reality. YOURS, not his! 

Your friend is not the one hurting you. It is your own hurt that keeps you a prisoner of your own fear and envy and hate. You don't want to live like that, do you? Why would you? 

Try to find one good thing about your friend and only focus on that. Every single time you see him, focus and concentrate on what it is you admire about him, 

Also, listen to as many videos you can from Teal Swan and Noah Elkrief on youtube for free.  

Learn to breathe without pause between breathing in and out. Learn as many breathing techniques you can. That is also free. 

Last thing: smile. Have you ever tried to remain upset while smiling? 

 

[kkk]

Thanks Ayla, for your answer. But in this post the culmination was that peace after envyous night. I think I had so much envy that I couldnt take it in souch proportions, so now I feel it 10 times weaker,

Quote

Last thing: smile. Have you ever tried to remain upset while smiling? 

Sounds very simple, In those upset moments I just forget about any technique that could help me.

In next day wil try to concentrate only on good things he has 

I know its fuckd up that I m envyous on my friend that much and I cant even be a true friend to him because I want to be better than him so much...but that how I feel and I cant help it. I think thats because I feel that my parents have some expectations for me  to be better than anybody around me.. 

[Ayla]

@kkk  OK good. 

One thing at a time. 

Focus on one positive thing about your friend. For YOU, not for him!

Worthlessness - look it up on youtube!