Current Conundrum

[Finn]

I've been trying to figure something out for a while now, but I haven't been able to.

I've seen from up close how cruel the world can be to a person, but I've also seen what some people are capable of if they possess discipline and high IQs. Problem is that I saw it in the exact same person, meaning that with all the terrible stuff out, it's still possible to do amazing things. You'd think that that would be motivating, and in a sense it is, but the fact that I'm not able to do anything useful with my life while having no monstrous issues in my life like physical abuse makes me feel terrible. It's a sense of guilt and futility at the same time: "don't complain, stop being weak, you have no reason to feel bad, get to work you loser" and "you're not good enough, you know you can't be like those extraordinary people, you're not smart enough, you can't even clean your room, you're pathetic".

How is it possible that I hold those conflicting ideas at the same time and how do I get out of it?

[ajasatya]

hello @Finn. your words touched me very deeply because i know how it feels to be where you are.

you may feel lack of motivation because you still haven't experienced true wonders of Life. it's a common phenomenon nowadays. sometimes it felt like society was deliberately hiding Life from me so i would grow sick, filled with guilt and anxiety.

this is what i did: i used my suffering as a fuel to throw myself in new contexts. sometimes i'd just go out on a silent and lonely walk to breathe consciously.

right now i'm throwing myself between people who practice syntropic farming. we want to heal this planet. the task is very simple, anyone can do it! and it feels good to work in contact with the green nature. would you want to join us? i think it's easy to find practitioners where you live. the creator of the syntropic farming practices was born in switzerland.

Edited September 4, 2017 by ajasatya

[Finn]

58 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

you still haven't experienced true wonders of Life

That's basically what it is, yeah. And I know it exists, which is kind of where the suffering kicks in. I reckon it has to do with the way I was raised (overly protective parent), which has lead to me lacking independence and agency. I need authority to get me to do something.

1 hour ago, ajasatya said:

i used my suffering as a fuel to throw myself in new contexts. sometimes i'd just go out on a silent and lonely walk to breath consciously.

That sounds both painful and awesome at the same time.

[ajasatya]

2 minutes ago, Finn said:

I reckon it has to do with the way I was raised (overly protective parent), which has lead to me lacking independence and agency.

oh, we're on the same boat then .

3 minutes ago, Finn said:

That sounds both painful and awesome at the same time.

it is. but it's also healing. come on! it feels great to learn how to deal with emotional pain. it's a true master that guides you towards your heart. don't run away anymore.

[wavydude]

6 hours ago, ajasatya said:

6 hours ago, Finn said:

I reckon it has to do with the way I was raised (overly protective parent), which has lead to me lacking independence and agency.

oh, we're on the same boat then .

How did you manage to overcome this ?

[ajasatya]

@wavydude moving out and working to live an extremely simple/minimalist life and focusing on my healing process.

[Finn]

@ajasatya I've been thinking about doing that exact thing. I need to find a way to do it, it seems.