23 Y/o Desperate For Change Paralysed In Life

[Thisisit]

Hi everyone, new to the forum although I have been following Leo's work for about a year now. It is an invaluable resource. I am new to personal development. 

I will briefly outline how I came to be in this position and I will try to keep this as brief as possible although it will be difficult to articulate everything.

I am a 23 year old male from a 1st world, western country who is paralysed in life (socially, career wise, emotionally, financially etc etc) and seemingly unable to move forward.

It's important to note my awareness has risen a LOT over the past year and I am well aware that I am 100% responsible for me being in the situation I am, even if it isn't my fault per se.

I am aware that my personality, thoughts, emotions, physical body etc are not essentially me. And I am aware I create my own suffering as we all do. I logically know what I must do to proceed in life ( sort of ) but I think my emotions or rather my unprocessed emotional traumas are stopping this and keeping me playing out reactive repetitive self destructive behaviours.

I am no longer ignorant, but my actions suggest I still am. By action I mean lack of action really.

I want to give you a bit more background info now. So please bare with me. (if you are still reading thank you so much I am very, very grateful) 

I have survived severe depression over a number of years, the first couple of which were characterized by daily suicidal thoughts and extremely low levels of fuctioning. (Often just drinking water, urinating and ruminating)

Social isolation and an inability to confide in my family compounded this and did lasting damage to my psyche. I have only worked for 12-16 months in my life and have had zero connection with others outsids the family since leaving school. (although school merely kept this fact hidden) 

When I first became severely depressed I was in college and working part time and I felt at the time the cause of the depression was falling behind and extreme anxiety over my future. (which I undoubtedly had)

I discovered later I had lived my whole life with very high anxiety constant since childhood aswell as in a continuous fearful state. I realise my depression was inevitable regardless of what the "reason" would be.

I realise I am totally limited by my own fear, primarily a deeply ingrained fear of being judged. This keeps me from meeting new people or getting out there in general.

In the past year I have discovered mindfulness and the truth about the nature of reality around us. (Conceptual understanding only)

An example of something I now know to be the case would be:

I realise that if people are continually tending to be rude to me, its me, I am giving of a vibe due to my past conditioning that may invite this. 

I feel I need to jump in to the freezing, icy pool of life. I have hid in my comfort zone (depression and anxiety - paradoxically a comfort zone) for a long time and haven't even tipped my toes in the water. 

My life these days consists of swallowing anti depressants (which I know first hand to be unfathomably bad things - which again paradoxically were once necessary to keep me alive) and living with a constant unease and a deep sense something is wrong inside me.

Depression is not my problem, but rather a consequence of not being truly myself or living the life I should be living.

I can feel something in my body also. I have a tension in the upper body that when I first noticed it I realised I have always had it. Its like I am emotionally and spiritually broken.

The only thing that is 100% the most important for me to do now is meditation, self inquiry and the "jumping into the pool of life" component but I can't seem to do any. There is a part of me that wants to stay miserable and I cant defeat it.  

I am seeking any advice here. Just a reply would be incredible. Just chime in please with your best advice. I am very socially isolated and would greatly appreciate advice on how to build a social circle from literally nothing. I don't even have social anxiety primarily it is more of a knock on result of my emotional issues. The real me is funny, charming and kind. Its just no one finds out

I look forward to any replies, have a blessed day.

Charles

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Edited September 3, 2017 by Thisisit
Spelling errors

[Juan Cruz Giusto]

Hey man... I'm 22 and in a similar situation - not that serious though. Anyways, after reading what you've written, the only way out if this is taking action. Discover your Life Purpose (take the course if necessary), meditate for 1 hour a day and do some retreats and for social situations, just go out and meet people. I've read a really good book about women and how to meet them and it's called "Models" by Mark Manson...

It may sound simple, and it is, but you just have to take action. No amounts of reading or thinking will get you out if this... It is simple but it's so fucking difficult. Everyone struggles here, EVERY FUCKING ONE. So feel relieved that you are not the only one having these type of problems. Also, read some books to get your ass moving.

I hope you get better

[hundreth]

Hey! I've been through similar issues and here's what I learned.

First, focus on the little things about yourself. Wake up on time, clean your room, make your bed, go to the gym, eat well. If you continue to implement these personal improvements step by step, your mental well being will sky rocket and your confidence will go up.

Second, join group activities you are required to participate in weekly. People will come to know how awesome you are over time.

Good luck!

[JustinS]

I was once in the same position as you years ago until I got a glimpse of hope that has changed me onwards and that was magic mushrooms. It was pure divine love and it was me, and it loved me absolutely unconditionally. From then on I started daily meditation, then to yoga, then to clean eating, and eventually unplugging from mainstream society. Though tripping can be tricky if you are not mentally prepared for it especially if you are going through severe anxiety and depression. It could make it worse, but if you surrender as if your life depended on it than you will get a glimpse and will know that it's something worth striving for sober. 

Feel free to PM me whenever you like. 

[WelcometoReality]

@Thisisit I've had social anxiety and depression from my mid teen years mid twenties. Great that you have taken your first steps toward resolving your problems. The recipe for success is rather simple but also very hard to do. That is facing your fears, go out in public, have conversations with people. Feel awkward and judged. Do this daily and in a way that triggers light to moderate amounts of fear and anxiety. Make sure to reward yourself for the effort you put into this.

You can message me if you have any questions or just want to talk to someone whos been in your situation.

Cheers

[ivandrade10]

Heys guys,

Maybe this might be useful to you?

Check the video, and see if it interest you. 

 

[Thisisit]

I am absolutely humbled by all of your replies guys - thank you.

[thehero]

I would recommend neurofeedback. It cured half of my OCD, social anxiety and depression. It's still there but it's a lot more manageable now. I'm kind of grateful it didn't all get cured in the sense that I like being capable of curing my own shit instead of having it being cured for me. I used to have that back tension all day (it was really painful and crippling for me). Neurofeedback got rid of it, I am grateful for that. 

Leo always iterates that a good sleeping routine, exercise, meditation and healthy eating habits are all something that one should not estimate. Apparently all 4 of these as well as emotional mastery should help a lot if not everything. 

I would journal and figure out what your biggest pain in life is. After you figure it out, I would go on a journey trying to figure out what the solution to it, whether it be from Leo or someone else. Because I can promise you, your cure is out there, regardless of the issue  Because of this, I am very grateful for personal development. 

A great idea to note is that anything is possible with good training. Even happiness. Good luck my friend, I know you will make it out good if you put in the effort. 

[Miguel Oliveira]

This post was soo good in the sense that I just entered this forum today to see people that have the same difficulties as me.

Today was my first day in college after summer vacations and it was soo bad.. I started again on a degree that I have some difficult (mainly due to mental blocks), I don't have deep down connections with anyone, even my friends that live with me and are my colleagues in school since almost 10 years ago I don't have that connection that other people have with each other. 

Here in Portugal there is a , let's say, movement of people that are the ones that initiate the freshmans with all sort of activities, like getting on doggy position (not sexual ahah), screaming out loud, getting to do awkward things, chanting against other colleges and I, when I was a freshman, I almost did end this movement and  I would turn as one of the people that initiate the freshmans but my OCD and depression make me 2 weeks before the year ends quit that and now after 3 years of that I see all guys here in that movements, so happy, they have the academic spirit and I just go to the classes and come home. This thing kills me on the inside seeing this guys everyday, everyday and I'm not a part of it. I just imagine when I graduate the regret (i have it so much right now) of not have not been in that groups, hell not had "lived" college.. College is passing by, just one year left and I already have that depression, when the others just want to finish college to earn money and work, and I am here with this war inside of me..

 

I see in my mind being a social, fun, extroverted, business oriented guy but right now I'm on my bed seeing my college in front of me and have that crying feeling soo rooted in me, all the people enjoying college, making new friends, making connections, learning, making retard things, and I am in my bed feeling empty, feeling that I'm not a human like them, feeling like I'm another type of being, not worthy of getting a job with successfull people, not worthy to talk to the girls that attract me, not worthy of having retard friendships..

This sense of "college is passing by, life is passing by" and one year to graduate I already sense the regret of not having stories, the regret of not had enjoyed, lived college is on me, soo freaking bad, so freaking bad..

Action seems so difficult to take and in my mind excuses like, "You gonna take action but kid, you just have few months before you gonna enter the grow up world, and your childhood that you like so much gonna vanish" appear over and over again. Feelings of the best years on my life had passed by and I didn't enjoyed anything, this kills me so bad, so fucking bad..

I see all the time Youtube videos about Personal Development, I know what I need to do to talk to girls but I can't take action, just can't.

Feel like when I'm gonna start my work life after college I can't enjoy life like I can now in college, this fucks me up..

 

So much anxiety, so much pain..

 

I feel you!!

[wavydude]

damn I'm in very similar situation and can strongly relate to all of this but you have to stop beleving that college is supposed to be best years of your life and after that you got into boring adult life. There's so many people who start to live awsome life way after college. Closest example look at Leo, from what he say he switched he's majors in collage and also wasn't sure what his calling is I also imagine he wasn't very social but after that he went on to starting succesful buisness, making hit yt videos on how to make a girl squirt and now he's all enlightened and shit.

Life is what you make it every second it happens no matter what age are you.

[smd]

@Thisisit I feel for your issues, man & I wish I had more to give.  I can only say that just about everyone starts with nothing.  If you want to build a social circle you need to be able to go out to restaurants, bars, or other places & just meet & greet people.  If someone makes eye contact, give a smile & say hello.  If they want to talk, introduce yourself & work on your handshake technique.  Learn people's names & what they like to do.

When I was going around trying to build a new social circle, I'd go into places early, regularly, & introduce myself to the staff.  When they weren't looking I would write their names down, their location, & if possible something about them so that if I saw them again, I could have something to talk about.  When you get used to it, you won't have to write it all down (but it helps!).

One thing to keep in mind in all of this is that you don't want to talk about depression or negative topics.  Keep that to your inner social circle, such as family & friends that knew you from before.  You're not hiding it, you're just not talking about it.  In fact, in most social circles, it's very rare for someone to come out & talk about some serious problem.  They won't bother you with their problems, so you simply do the same.  I'm not sure why that is, but it just is.

I mentioned it to someone else just recently, but 80% of life is just showing up (Woody Allen).  All you have to do is be in the room with the other people, even if you barely get to talk to anyone at all.  Eventually, people around you will know who you are & some people will want to know more.  You have to be out there in the wild, around other people, a lot.  If you stay at home, you don't run into anyone, nobody will know you, & no interesting activities will occur.   So you just have to focus on being there & the rest you will learn on-the-fly.