Childhood Bullying

[Psyche_92]

Hello guys,

for a long time i've been dealing with memories from the past, especially from being bullied as a child, and i can't seem to find a way to stop letting them affect me. For the most part they come and go, and when they come they tend to stick for several hours, and i can't really help but feel very sad and depressed during that time. Since yesterday i'm having a really hard time again, because i saw one of my bullies while i was outside. Even though it was over 6 years ago, i can still feel the pain and anxiety when i see them in public, and they mess my day up in a total if this happens. I tried to look them in the eye, and even at this age they are grinning at me like they remember what they've done and don't care about it. I'm sick of it, since this is holding me back from living a normal life, getting outside on a normal basis and not just once in a while, getting a job, meeting new people ( i have no friend right now, but also undeserving i feel).  Because of this i'm experiencing social anxiety, which makes it very hard for me to  go out in public, since i'm always scared that i will face one of em, when for example i want to go to the grocery store. Lately i'm trying to tell myself that they ruined my past, and that i don't want to let them ruin my life, but the pain is so deep that the anxiety quickly takes over again. I'm trying to meditate each day for about an hour, and practice being in the present moment but it's not helping that much. I'm 24 right now, and in my head i have so many plans for the future, but i just can't help and feel like i will never deserve a good life ( i think that i feel undeserving of being happy because of years of bullying in my childhood ). Sometimes i'm even considering living abroad to start a whole new life, in a different environment with different people, far away from all the shitty people that ruined my past, so that i don't have to see them anymore. At the same time i feel like i don't have to move, because i didn't do anything wrong, and they are the bad people, but yeah... 

If anyone has tips on dealing with this, that would be highly appreciated.

[Franko]

Hi

Anxiety sometimes get so much intense, it's hard to cope with. I get what you are saying. First know that that's ok; every person at least once in their life has these moments. I have had them.

Then, you can only know that what I'm saying is truth, if you test that, so, don't believe your mind. Believe your direct experience. But: Do you even know what your direct experience is? Really? Said that

 

What you are experiencing can be labeled as anxiety. It makes very simple the stuff. Mind wants to complicate it, with stories and memories and lies and rational facts and all of that. Just label it as anxiety. Is that simple.

Then, learn that you can learn to cope with anxiety. I know a lot of ways, I will present some:

1-Meditation techniques.

NOT ALL MEDITATIONS WORKS. It has to be one specially designed to cope with anxiety. I recomend an online course (https://palousemindfulness.com/) Which will give you a lot of support through this process. It's the righ instruction.

2- Physical exercise and occupation.

It's really hard to do an exercise when you are feeling down. But this is the thing: You get energy, by using energy.So, move your body. Make Yoga. Make something you loved as a child, even if you don't want to, just do it. Go to work. Do something. Dont stay home.

 

3- Being physically centered- This I recommend. It's the simplest most straight way.

George Leonard, in his book Mastery adress that. If you are physically centered, it's impossible for you to be psychologycally lost. Again. MInd complicate stuff. It's very simple.  Page 157. Do it every morning for one week, and you will find your balance

https://www.thecorporaterookie.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Mastery.pdf [Note: remember to buy the book, support the autor]

4. Get into the path of mastery

This is the most gratifying thing you can make. The book above can help you a lot. This is, I would say, the most foundational book you can read. Decades of learning. The only I can say, this book saved my life.

 

[Max_V]

I know this is very hard, but go sit down with that pain. Don't condemn it, don't deny it, really feel it.

It is not good that something like that from the outside can control your inner state. Work on that. Work on not caring what other people think.

An amazing book that could help you with this is Six Pillars of Self Esteem - Nathaniel Branden.

Also, Leo has a video too, Not caring what other people think.

But first you have to confront those past memories. Sit with them and completely surrender yourself to them. This not easy at all but when you shine awareness on these memories and trauma's that come back, slowly you start to accept and open yourself up to them.

Good luck. My best friend got bullied too during our childhood, and he is still affected by it too. So I can see how this is troubeling you very much.

[Space]

@Psyche_92 I'm the same age as you and also experienced quite a lot of bullying when I was in school. I don't feel like it has affected me as much as it seems to have done for you, but I may just be suppressing it somehow. Who knows what real affect it had.

Anyway, I don't have a lot of advice but if I were to say anything it would be just to let the thoughts be. Don't try to get rid of them, don't try to force them out of your mind, don't resist at all as this will most likely just make it worse. Instead, try to be as mindful as possible, and just observe the thoughts objectively. See them as thoughts and not the content. Have a friendly attitude towards them and just be ok with the fact that they will arise without your conscious effort. Eventually, just by being ok with the 'negative' thoughts, they will subside and gradually disappear. The mind needs time to purge. It may feel chaotic, but in time they will go. But you must not resist, just let them come and go.

[Timotheus]

@Psyche_92 I've been there too. Have a bit of faith in this whole journey, be as conscious as possible as you meet those people or remember shit of the past. Soon it won't affect you anymore and you will even love these people for what they truly are.

And remember they probably also went through some traumatic events which motivated them for these actions.

This too shall pass.

Love.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Timotheus