How To Overcome Perfection And A Need For Control

[Mitch]

As of late, I've been quite good at weeding out the blocks that stand in the way of where I want to go in life until I hit this one.

To give a little backstory, I am an independent musician, songwriter, and producer. I love music and there is a certain space that I feel with it that I can't really describe. However, whenever I go to create a new song, I become extremely anxious. Part of this is because I have a foggy idea of what I want to create ahead of time and when it doesn't translate as intended, there's some sort of emotional repercussion. I've kind of struggled with being a perfectionist for as long as I can remember and I can trace it back through my childhood, due to perceived demands from my father as well as the reactions I got from peers and teachers for doing fantastic things.

While I've known about the perfectionism for a while, the need for control I discovered more recently. When talking to a friend about one of his past relationships, I noticed that in my most recent relationship I needed control. While my ex never criticized me for being controlling, as I was usually open to whatever she wanted to do, I realized that I wanted her to be a certain way and to better fit into my idea of who I'd want in a partner.

Recently I've also noticed myself gravitating towards women who don't have it together. I have thought of three reasons for this. One could be that a sense of having no control feels good to one chronically in control. Another could be (though it sickens me) that in order to maintain a better sense of control, naturally I need to be with someone with little or no control. Lastly, acting as a stand in for my father to my sister when I was younger, being a "guardian" or "protector" could have been wrapped in with the ego and now this gravity acts to main this identity. I actually find it really hard to not help people but that could also be due in part to thinking what it's like in their place.

Additionally, I notice I spend a lot of time trying to optimize my life so I am making the "best" use of it as possible, though on a rational level, I see that there is no one way.

After contemplating a bit today, I see that perfection is something projected onto one's reality. It's similar to labeling something as good or bad. Perfection is different in the sense that it's a more global labeling of one's circumstances, that this particular arrangement is the best possible of any arrangement. That said, since perfection isn't inherent, it is possible that multiple arrangements could be equally perfect in one's eyes. I'm unable to see that really even though the thought came to mind.

I also discovered that control is the apparent ability to reach a set of circumstances. Based on that, it seems likely that I desire control over as much as possible so I can better seek out perfection.

While I know that I need to realize an answer for myself, I turn to this forum because I feel pretty stuck here. I could use some advice to get the ball rolling.

Thanks,

Mitch

[Truth]

A lot of this has to do with forcing or pushing your agenda on reality. and reality isn't too keen on giving you what you want mostly because of the all the agendas already in place, and I'm not just talking about other people's agendas and other things, I'm talking about your internal agendas (eating, pleasure, TV, Facebook, friends, family, listening to theory, distractions etc.) so now not only are you trying to push your agenda onto reality but you're pushing yourself onto reality as well. (your muse, your creative ideas) and as you've noticed it's tough. 

So ultimately the best strategy for this is to just step back, kind of look at the big picture, and kind of wait for that higher muse to hit you in the face and you can do this by getting inspired by people you look up to, motivated by their work, look at their processes, and things such as this, naturally this will move you and connect with your muse and your creative side creating a better chance for your ideas to flourish into reality, because that muse can be a powerful force when you're actually directly in touch with it. 

As for with control, the Ego can't get what it wants without control, but since we're not here to transcend the Ego let's talk about masculinity. Your gravitating towards woman who don't have it together actually makes you feel like more of a man, it feels good. It comes down to articulating what you actually want in a partner but also, making sure that you're not denying the feminine energy, or the femininity that women take on as their lifestyle. see Psychology of the Male & Female Mind for more information, critical for understanding women, yourself and what you biologically want from woman, and not just your ideas of what you want. But if you're looking to transcend all your Egoistic deficiencies that's gonna take enlightenment work which Leo has videos on too. 

 

Leo has some good perspectives on perfectionism and creative blocks so I'll include these --> 

 

Edited September 3, 2017 by Truth

[Mitch]

@Truth

I guess I'm not creatively blocked. More so, I am blocked in my development and growth. I'm able to produce music better than ever yet it comes at the price of anxiety and a lack of faith in the quality of my work.

I managed to stumble across this video this morning too. This is more along the line of what I want to work through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhvsQRKVUU

[Truth]

28 minutes ago, Mitch said:

@Truth

I guess I'm not creatively blocked. More so, I am blocked in my development and growth. I'm able to produce music better than ever yet it comes at the price of anxiety and a lack of faith in the quality of my work.

I managed to stumble across this video this morning too. This is more along the line of what I want to work through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrhvsQRKVUU

I'm definitely the adaptive perfectionist in that video, starting to see deeper that it's not perfectionism or a need for control but anxiety and not being optimistic, looking into those you'll find deeper issues ultimately getting down to fears, insecurities, self esteem, identity, assumptions, false beliefs and even just better strategies and techniques which will feel like you're taking steps back but I guarantee you're taking leaps forward. Lots of inner work to be done 

Edited September 3, 2017 by Truth