How I Bet Social Anxiety For Good [highly Practical]

[Gabriel Antonio]

Background

Pretty attractive guy, but always insecure inside. Nobody could see how nervous I was feeling, but I was. And, let me tell, my mind would always race whenever I was interacting with anyone who was outside of my comfort zone. In other words, I could only be me with myself and my mom. Haha, ain’t that ridiculous?

 

How I Did It - Most Important Insights

Exposure therapy. Sorry to break it to you, but the only way out is through the continual exposure to social situations. If you are able to bear the uncomfotable feeling that arises, you will gradually become stronger. You don’t need to force yourself to talk. What I am saying is:

 

Talk Bullshit

People don’t really care about the minute detail. They care only about the energy behind what you are saying. Words aren’t that necessary. When you allow yourself to talk in whatever way you want, BAM! You instantenously demonstrates relaxation.

 

People will like you when you start ALLOWING

Do you overanalyze a conversation? NO! Cut that shit! It is all about the flow. Don’t criticize yourself so much, just take it lightly. Seriously, get comfortable with talking about things that you never heard before. You will be amazed!

 

Just listening to people is NOT enough

You need to start VOICING YOUR THOUGHTS WITHOUT FILTERS. Ok? So you got to train the follwoing speak, act the first way that comes your mind. This is called spontaneity. It is amazing when you have it

 

Energetic Boundaries

So, here’s the thing: DO NOT allow people to “throw up” shit in you. Seriously, guys, I used to do that. So whenever I am interacting with someone that is being disrespectul, rude, clingy; I make sure to SET LIMITS. Ok? Because many people are energy vampires. Where do you think the idea of “vampire” com from?

So… make sure to say:

“Hey! My time to speak.”

 

Voice Your Needs

Are you the type of person who always say “I am fine” to the question “How are you?”. BULLSHIT! Some days we are simply tired. So, start practicing being more sincere: “I feel like shit”, or “Well, it’s not one of my best days, but it’s okay!”

 

Do Not Pretend

That’s the thing people do. They don’t understand shit of what they’re listening, but they don’t interrupt. Dude, debates are formal shit! DO NOT LET PEOPLE BULLDOG THE CONVERSATION.

If something like that happens, make up an excuse and exist the closest door.

 

Practice Yoga or Weightlifting (Release Emotions...)

Your problem  is very likely physical. If you do not feel good in your body, you will feel terrible in social situations. That’s it. By correcting only your breathing, you will release a lot of emotional baggages you have been carrying. So…. Take a deep breath IN. . … . . .. . . . .. . . . . .. . . . .. . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . ..  AND OUT *all the way through...

Socialization is extremely easy. If you allow yourself to let go. If you can’t do that, practice some relaxation breathing exercises. And BOOM! You are back to normal.

I want to program this into your subconscious mind: the more natural you are, the better. If you are forcing, breathe deeply. Your breath will correct everything that you try so hard to correct. Haha. It is that simple.

 

Comfort Zone Challenges

NLP did not work for me. Hyponisis triggered in me the insight that “Oh… I can actually step out of my comfort zone.” But, after the first session, I didn’t feel this effect again. So, I quit hyponis also.

However, comfort zone challenges are the fastest way to become more confident. It is down-right exposure. But it fucking works.

Please, you do not need to do anything “wild”. For example, some comfort zone challenges are:

1- Enrolling in skateboarding classes

2- Learning a new language with a native-speaker.

3- Travel (It can be around the city)

4- Make a random comment to a cashier

5- Start making fun at people. You know, very silly jokes.

(For example, there is a girl who always wears black, and then I told her yesterday that because she wasn’t wearing black, something would happen. Obviously, in a relaxed manner.)

So, you see? Small dosages but REMEMBER: BE FUCKING CONSISTENT TO GOING TO SOCIAL THINGS. Stay more in social events. Go to your local church or yoga studio. Talk to your neighbor. BE PRESENT in a conversation. If you are in your mind, BAM! Get out. It is sorta meditiation. If you are stuck in your mind, BAM! But, above all:

 

Be Authentic.

- Do whatever you want, and don’t apologize for how you feel, act, or say. In essence, be more “selfish”, “cocky”. I warn you: people will criticize the hell outta you. Your world will start to collapse when people start disliking you, but then you notice that: “Huh, they have forgotten about what happened.” Trust me: people forgive much more than you think.

It’s okay to lie.

It’s okay to manipulate.

t’s okay to have negative thoughts.

It’s okay to judge people

It’s okay to gossip

It’s okay to be negative

Seriously, try them out. They have terrible aftereffects are nasty. On the other hand, you will quickly see how good being truthful is. However, you will notice something:

if you are present, you cannot judge.

Because there is not enough space! If you are present, your whole being is in the thing you’re doing. If you are not totally there, then you will miss the opportunity of gaining true insights and instead engage in mental masturbation. 

And, in a way, people will like you more because then they will have the opportunity of being themselves also. Remember: socialization has a lot to do with being light. 

 

Follow-up Questions

Do you take everything personally?

Do you take everything seriously? 

Can you allow yourself to gossip? I don’t know about you, but I would feel very guilty to do that. I used to NEVER gossip, but I admit that very rarely I do out of my unconsciousness. And it feels dirty. Yuck!

 

You did not came here to be perfect, you came here to real

 

Just speak your mind and follow your breath.

Well, these are some tips. But, please, if you know you suffer from Social Anxiety, remember that Experience is King. In other words, you have to be okay with making mistakes. Just don’t break the flow, you know? That’s how to have a good conversation. You are inwards but at the same time you are sharing. All we can do is sharing.

You live in a different universe than I do. We need your uniqueness. People are not trustworthy. One day they hate you; the other they LOVE you. It is ridiculous. So, if someone insults you, understand that they are simply telling you "I am in so much pain!" 

In a way, we’re kind the same (but just different)

The trick is to be half-inwards and half-outwards. 

<o>

[Gabriel Antonio]

@Wormon Blatburm YES! 

Get out of those forums. When I was 17, my hair was shedding. So I started to search about that in forums. WORST IDEA EVER! Hahaha! The people there were filled with depression. 

The thing is, don't take your social anxiety too seriously. Just be with it. Don't place too much attention. When I was trying very hard to beat it, I would get virtually ZERO results. However, when I started to practice yoga and tune in to my body, BAM! I naturally started to become more social. 

As you said, social anxiety comes from a desperate ego, an ego that wants to maintain a perfect self-image, which is a complete waste of time. 

Be criticized. 

"There are three way to avoid criticism: say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing."

Aristocle  

[Ry4n]

@Wormon Blatburm Yes omg people focus so much on the problem and not the solution itself.

@Gabriel Antonio Great Post! I used exposure and response prevention for OCD, and it was very effective. Your tips remind me of the stuff I learnt from ACT therapy funny enough. Also, did you ever try float tanks to be more confident and relaxed?

[Gabriel Antonio]

@Ry4n Hahaha, no! But I bet that must be great. 

What has been helping A LOT is some deep breathing exercises. People with social anxiety just don't know how much of the problem is stored in their bodies. 

As soon as you free up that blocked energy, BAM! You feel relaxed once again. 

And when you feel relaxed, people start to love you. 

And when people start to love you, you rediscover the meaning of life. 

SHARING!!! IT IS NO USE HAVING A TREASURE DEEP-DOWN IN THE OCEAN. SPEAK UP! THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR YOUR VOICE! 

Again, people, stop being so passive and actually do something. That's the way to break free from your mind. Move your body. Shake it. BREATHE! 

[Afonso]

Great to hear! What did it for me was constant surrender to the feelings through meditation and dissolving energy blocks.

High five for the insight that it's the energy that matters.

[Truth Seekah]

[Gabriel Antonio]

@Truth Seekah EXACTLY! 

People give way too much attention to the minute detail. Life is pretty much a joke, so why do we keep on taking everything so seriously? 

@Afonso Yeap! It is all an energy game. Words don't matter that much. People like you more when you're truthful.