My Journey Through Life

[Amit]

It's tough to get into the flow, but tough to stop once in it, 

Keep writing to flow in one direction, so that it makes an impact, 

For survival of ourselves, we sacrifice ourselves, 

Writing also helps in exploring our subconsciousness, 

Put out the work, and never care for appreciation, 

Keep doing your duties, don't care for fruits, 

Keep loving being what you are, let them be whatever, 

Sacrificing for righteousness, makes you a winner forever. 

[Amit]

Such empty and blank it is, 

I've assumed it to be so full,

Full of people they are so repetitive and empty, like machines beautiful yet, so empty it is, 

Imagined her to be what not, thought she would be the most precious to get, after finding her, she's the emptiest, 

I don't like this emptiness, please save me someone, please help me someone, give me what I imagined it to be so fulfilling,

It's a rollercoaster, it's an addiction to keep checking out, yet never getting fulfilled, 

It's so empty after you sleep, and I keep waiting when will you miss me again, 

Please merge in me forever, I don't want to feel empty again. 

[Amit]

When I'm thinking, it gets derailed, 

When I'm talking, it gets more derailed, 

When I'm writing, I find it again, 

The peace while writing is so enchanting, 

Being merged and putting it in words, what a flow,

Everything else is falsehood, I didn't know,

Suffering, trapped into desires, is a wrong path, I keep going in

Writing it down, makes me feel happy at peace, 

Texting is what I do to express myself, 

Can't chase her around like animals used to do. 

 

[Amit]

6 July - cut the clutter

Edited July 7, 2020 by Amit
spelling

[Amit]

I am tired of this, I want to die, can't take it anymore,

Deception, lies, manipulation all they know, 

God If you're really in me, give me the power to rise above all this, 

Rise above this cycle, I'm really so tired of all this, 

And it seems to go nowhere, I just want to die to pure bliss, 

Give me that, my Lord, I am tired and fed up of the chimpery, 

Please I want to give you my life completely, 

It's not worth living seems like, better if you just kill me at birth, 

I don't want to live it's so ugly, 

Disgusting, can't take anymore, 

Give me the forever peace, make me desireless, 

Please God, take my fears away, this world is not for me. 

[Preety_India]

 

Why do you want to die? 

There is so much work to do in life. 

Immerse yourself in work 

Even if you are in a relationship, you will get bored. 

There is no experience in life that gives ultimate satisfaction. 

You have to keep engaging yourself in something to kill boredom. 

That's life. 

Hang on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[Amit]

@Preety_India  wrote it after someone played with me, while I put my heart out for her, at that moment, I just wanted to write whatever was coming to the mind. But in retrospect too, It's okay, because I was not aligned at that moment, and looking for happiness in her, it was ego's desire, at that beautiful moment, I was having a conversation with god.

I really want to transcend relationship and other lower needs, and was constantly thinking about fulfilling it, I notice it's just a vicious loop, So after each meeting with God, my neurotic tendencies decrease. 

Thanks, what you're saying is wise, But I constantly keep forgetting it. It's a pattern for me, but it's losing its intensity.

In the last 3-4 months, I have recovered from some heavy gross addictions with the help of higher learnings. Only issue is I'm not being at my full potential, because of my needy patterns, which I am working on, and hope to finally break free. Also, I'm thinking to start searching for someone compatible to marry and make it fully stable, so I can merge in the work. 

Edited July 7, 2020 by Amit
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[Amit]

How shallow you can be, huh, unbelievable. Growth, what you want to grow to, there is nothing like that. These are just thoughts, relativistic maya, absolutely there is no difference, there is no growth. Absolutely we do what we're supposed to, changing the world, are you kidding me, noo really. Well... you can't change the world, though it might seem like you are. But there is still no change, you are illusory, world changes itself, you don't matter.

Edited July 9, 2020 by Amit
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[Amit]

why this repeats every time in my relationships

 

[Amit]

 I'm a true fan

 

Edited July 9, 2020 by Amit
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[Amit]

 

Edited July 10, 2020 by Amit
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[Amit]

 

Edited July 10, 2020 by Amit
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Edited July 11, 2020 by Amit
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Edited July 11, 2020 by Amit
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[Amit]

 

[Amit]

I'm going to have some questions, which I'll ask myself and find out how much I've improved on a particular dimension

Ego:

• How much Can I take a sarcastic remark on me? 
• Am I really listening to others truly, or degree of projection is just too much?
• Do I understand him/her before commenting, am I sure It won't hurt him/her?
• How often I'm opening social media, and looking for if my post has got new likes, views, comments. It's ok to make posts, comments, and replies. but checking in for likes, views, comments are ego chimpery, a very good indicator.
• How much distracted I am from a commitment.

Time Management:

• For what duration, I am able to focus at a time and how many times a day?
• How many times do I check social media and chats?
• Am I having time for meditation and contemplation?

Organization:

• How much brevity is in my texts?
• How much clarity, can a child follow along?
• How much Meta tagging I'm able to do?

Edited July 12, 2020 by Amit
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[Amit]

Even though I like just flowing freely while writing, organizing helps so much recollecting later. I can't even go back to my old notes and find a summary of it. I'll try to organize text from now on, to increase its value. even if I don't read it again, someone else reading it will easily get what's being said and not lost inside it.

If it's just journaling I can just flow, but good if I give the text a topic name, and edit it for brevity. It's good to write whatever comes to mind in the first draft, but it takes quite a large amount of editing work to make it premium. 

[Amit]

Another realization was about the importance of mantras, till now it was a theoretical concept.

Mantra shifts your perception at the moment, it's like the quantum shift. you're lost in the issue, and feeling bad while struggling with it. Now, you use some willpower and do the mantra pronunciation, after some time you are again in the aligned state, and found your flow again, now resistance is gone, frustration is gone and if you are not majorly struggling with the lower desires, you'll be able to switch to the flow in the work. it's truly magical in its transformative power.

[Amit]

From today now on, I will put two compulsory posts, first about how much time I was focused and details of it, and second all the insights I got during the day. focused time will include anything that was a flow state, like if I wrote a good long post, organized it, edited it. maybe made a video on youtube out of it. If I look into codebase working into a feature, learn something, worked on my personal website, or solved problems. but it should be more than 40 mins of duration. 

to track this, I'll start the stopwatch, every time I sit to study, and stop it if  I get distracted by pornhub or anything of that sort. the frequency of reporting will be daily. so It will have some meta-information, such as date. 

the insight post, will be anything comes to mind which was a potential value, to log it. think about where it might be used and accordingly tag it.