My Journey Through Life

[Amit]

I get angry with my own judgement of myself as other. Why I try to help people, why I try to make world a better place... No, not because I am a good person, but for survival. It's an survival trick to earn browny points from others by helping , to make a network such that I survive. If I don't do that my fear cripple up and make me unstable, only God saves me then. God is what we are... God is never to be forgotten, God is true love, even the romantic. Survival always takes me to the Shittiest of situations... Living far from the population, might make it easier to evade it, but if you're in the middle of it, you are immersed into it. But God want you to be the part of it, being in it and yet desire God. Why God does that is because he wants to see it from every angle, every possibility, that's why it goes infinite, all the manifestations comes true in the end. 

[Raphael]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

57 minutes ago, Amit said:

I get angry with my own judgement of myself as other. Why I try to help people, why I try to make world a better place... No, not because I am a good person, but for survival. It's an survival trick to earn browny points from others by helping , to make a network such that I survive. If I don't do that my fear cripple up and make me unstable.

That's an excellent insight. I also noticed that in myself, when I wanted to help people, to "show them the way" I would do it because as an ego I wanted to feel good to help people and be the one that would improve their situation.

[Amit]

@Raphael exactly and ending up feeling more miserable as other's ego is such an powerful animalistic force, which you can't change from an ego's survival perspective. For real change to happen, one must focus on itself and only itself... This is the only way you can change others, not by trying to force them into change... Let those huge egos suffer till death, they need that... Some of them don't need to be said anything, they will just change... So only working on oneself is the way.. 

[Amit]

मैं शंकर का वह क्रोधानल कर सकता जगती क्षार-क्षार।

डमरू की वह प्रलय-ध्वनि हूं जिसमें नचता भीषण संहार।

रणचण्डी की अतृप्त प्यास, मैं दुर्गा का उन्मत्त हास।

मैं यम की प्रलयंकर पुकार, जलते मरघट का धुआंधारय।

फिर अन्तरतम की ज्वाला से, जगती में आग लगा दूं मैं।

यदि धधक उठे जल, थल, अम्बर, जड़, चेतन तो कैसा विस्मय?

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

 

मैं आदि पुरुष, निर्भयता का वरदान लिए आया भू पर।

पय पीकर सब मरते आए, मैं अमर हुआ लो विष पी कर।

अधरों की प्यास बुझाई है, पी कर मैंने वह आग प्रखर।

हो जाती दुनिया भस्मसात्, जिसको पल भर में ही छूकर।

भय से व्याकुल फिर दुनिया ने प्रारंभ किया मेरा पूजन।

मैं नर, नारायण, नीलकंठ बन गया न इस में कुछ संशय।

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

 

मैं अखिल विश्व का गुरु महान्, देता विद्या का अमरदान।

मैंने दिखलाया मुक्ति-मार्ग, मैंने सिखलाया ब्रह्मज्ञान।

मेरे वेदों का ज्ञान अमर, मेरे वेदों की ज्योति प्रखर।

मानव के मन का अंधकार, क्या कभी सामने सका ठहर?

मेरा स्वर नभ में घहर-घहर, सागर के जल में छहर-छहर।

इस कोने से उस कोने तक, कर सकता जगती सौरभमय।

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

 

मैं तेज पुंज, तमलीन जगत में फैलाया मैंने प्रकाश।

जगती का रच करके विनाश, कब चाहा है निज का विकास?

शरणागत की रक्षा की है, मैंने अपना जीवन दे कर।

विश्वास नहीं यदि आता तो साक्षी है यह इतिहास अमर।

 

यदि आज देहली के खण्डहर, सदियों की निद्रा से जगकर।

गुंजार उठे उंचे स्वर से 'हिन्दू की जय' तो क्या विस्मय?

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

दुनिया के वीराने पथ पर जब-जब नर ने खाई ठोकर।

दो आंसू शेष बचा पाया जब-जब मानव सब कुछ खोकर।

मैं आया तभी द्रवित हो कर, मैं आया ज्ञानदीप ले कर।

भूला-भटका मानव पथ पर ‍चल निकला सोते से जग कर।

 

पथ के आवर्तों से थक कर, जो बैठ गया आधे पथ पर।

उस नर को राह दिखाना ही मेरा सदैव का दृढ़ निश्चय।

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

 

मैंने छाती का लहू पिला पाले विदेश के क्षुधित लाल।

मुझ को मानव में भेद नहीं, मेरा अंतस्थल वर विशाल।

जग के ठुकराए लोगों को, लो मेरे घर का खुला द्वार।

अपना सब कुछ लुटा चुका, फिर भी अक्षय है धनागार।

मेरा हीरा पाकर ज्योतित परकीयों का वह राजमुकुट।

यदि इन चरणों पर झुक जाए कल वह किरीट तो क्या विस्मय?

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

 

मैं ‍वीर पुत्र, मेरी जननी के जगती में जौहर अपार।

अकबर के पुत्रों से पूछो, क्या याद उन्हें मीना बाजार?

क्या याद उन्हें चित्तौड़ दुर्ग में जलने वाला आग प्रखर?

जब हाय सहस्रों माताएं, तिल-तिल जलकर हो गईं अमर।

वह बुझने वाली आग नहीं, रग-रग में उसे समाए हूं।

यदि कभी अचानक फूट पड़े विप्लव लेकर तो क्या विस्मय?

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!
 

होकर स्वतंत्र मैंने कब चाहा है कर लूं जग को गुलाम?

मैंने तो सदा सिखाया करना अपने मन को गुलाम।

गोपाल-राम के नामों पर कब मैंने अत्याचार किए?

कब दुनिया को हिन्दू करने घर-घर में नरसंहार किए?

 

कब बतलाए काबुल में जा कर कितनी मस्जिद तोड़ीं?

भूभाग नहीं, शत-शत मानव के हृदय जीतने का निश्चय।

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

मैं एक बिंदु, परिपूर्ण सिन्धु है यह मेरा हिन्दू समाज।

मेरा-इसका संबंध अमर, मैं व्यक्ति और यह है समाज।

इससे मैंने पाया तन-मन, इससे मैंने पाया जीवन।

मेरा तो बस कर्तव्य यही, कर दूं सब कुछ इसके अर्पण।

 

मैं तो समाज की थाती हूं, मैं तो समाज का हूं सेवक।

मैं तो समष्टि के लिए व्यष्टि का कर सकता बलिदान अभय।

हिन्दू तन-मन, हिन्दू जीवन, रग-रग हिन्दू मेरा परिचय!

[Amit]

I was contemplating about what's the worst obstruction I face when taking a challange. I was doing this assignment given to me by interviewer and I found to be stressing myself out of the game. Now when I was trying to find out where is this coming from, I clearly see the time when I was preparing for an engineering entrance exam, and from a point of successfully accomplishing something, I kept myself bringing down and cleared the exam in second attempt while I was a good student and could have cleared it in first attempt itself. I find this pattern of getting the initial inspiration by first beating myself to work. And then when I am at this flow state, which is joyous, I tend to go down and down till I feel the regret again and then had to beat my self up, this has been a constant. But working on myself had now brought me to this point, that my self esteem is high to the point that I am mindful of it and evading it. But the inner gremlins still giving me some bad time, which I hope to transcend. 

[Amit]

Being in the higher consciousness state and being more mindful are the different words for the same thing. In this state, you are aware of both the big picture as well as the mix you're in currently. It gives you an eveolved perspective. You're just not suffering because of normal focusing in detail, and getting stuck it in. As soon as you suffer you're aware that you're in this mess and can come out as soon as you decide to the absolute state. The non dual state of peace makes you heal, releases your tensions, and then you can again enter into the mess from a completely different and better angle to deal with it. So taking pauses when you are stressed and escape into the absolute God state, devotion state whatever it may be gives your subconscious the time to solve the challange. So if you get it, no challange is too big... It's just a matter of time if you already have a dream to realise.... 

Combined with high self esteem makes it the most potents of force in the world ?. 

Edited June 9, 2020 by Amit
Ps

[Amit]

After I am submerged in it for some time, It starts making me full. I start slipping into the unconscious patterns of thoughts and emotions arise simultaneously. Now with this awareness, I can instantly switch to journaling mode. Being full makes me crave for some happy chemicals, it's what body needs. So there are many ways to get that, but the new way, which I am unconsciously resistant to is to be in Satsang. Satsang cuts the rope of desires and makes you start anew. If you are aware of the ego, It can build into the huge momentum and flow in not so much time. That's where having a better consciousness comes handy. By being aware is to not fall into traps, It's to keep moving towards your goal. It's what makes you disciplined, self-control gives you this huge force and you're successful in no time. but it's hard not to fall into traps if you are not conscious, so be loving towards yourself. even if it's the worst emotion, you can come out and start again and that will always be a new day. It's not a circle, it's spiral. and you move on it back and forth, but more aware you are and it moves towards something... still from a big picture, it doesn't matter... but relatively life is enjoyable.

Edited June 11, 2020 by Amit
typo

[Amit]

Lord Shiva blesses everyone who goes for his help. he never discriminates between good and bad humans, for him, he knows the human nature so thoroughly. His map of reality is so crystal clear it looks like reality itself.   For him everyone is equal, they are all parts of him. In them, he finds himself. His wife is also a part of himself, he gives himself the birth, he is the mother, Nurturer to his creations and destroyer when it becomes baggage. he is it, he lives inside his creation. 

[Amit]

I was feeling victim for why people misunderstand me all the time, the problem was I didn't knew that they misunderstood me, they just felt repellent from me. Now I understand, they have a completely different world than me, and they interpret things from that pov, not what I am trying to convey, the more the difference, more they misubderstand... So it is very necessary to keep looking for feedback and not putting it all out there. Understanding them better, going into others shoes is an high skill, I never realised, I took empathy for sympathy lol. 

They basically try to come up why I said a certain thing, and if it's critical to them, most probably they take it as a conflict or why they would say that. Not realising my whole paradigm might he different. If I said two things at once, they will get confused and can map it to each other even when it's not, if they are afraid of you at some level. So better to make it easy for them by taking what mess can occur by something and making it easy to understand, and say less not more. More makes it complex, and most likely slip away. 

[Amit]

Solipsism has a negative connotation to it, but it seems so true in the context that, you can only try to interact with others but never truly know about what they are thinking if they don't speak it. Also, you have an only finite time to make it a good life, so you can't waste it on speculating about others. The issue comes when I'm being in a deeper relationship, in that if another person is absent, you have to just keep guessing about it, that's why it's preferred to have your partner near you, thus finding a fantastic wife is so important or just be alone. Being alone takes more. 

Better if you keep a partner who can forgive, who has a big picture perspective, who can see the deeper you and kiss your wounds, not just being selfish. Being selfish is the worst thing you can do in a relationship, but trying to be selfless, doesn't work either, it takes years of experience and observation with intentions to get it right.

[Amit]

Currently most of the society is structured where there is patriarchy, so men think they're in a better position, and women despise them for that, and they feel exploited. But it's an natural desire in both of the genders to outdo others at deepest level, to the point that it has become more about who wins the war and not cooperating and looking into the hearts. Men feels it's the woman's responsibility of empathy, while women think men doesn't reciprocate it so why care, and it is becoming worse. 

The toxic PUAs and typical orange mentality worsens the situation. While female are also colluding to enhance such a polarity. The issue is with people stuck in their heads and not seeing the point of life. It's like the person cutting the same branch he is sitting on. 

[Amit]

Given my personality, it's better for me to talk to myself than with others, it would be sure way to get most out of myself. Sex is a duality, so let it go, I am fulfilled about it anyway, but will welcome it if come walking to me, that was always my whole strategy, not what is taught in theory... Who needs sex when you've got God, and you can always have with yourself, solo is definitely better than doing it with a shitty person. The people you come to contact with affect you in a deeper way and sex will waste a lot of you, so it's ok to watch porn, if I'm not doing it the whole time. 

Feminine resides in me, so I don't need another, but it will be fun to experience a different one. Survival and reproduction are such a powerful force, I couldn't have realised it earlier when I was stuck inside my head. Now when I have truth, I can see it very clearly. I need to do more observation with this new paradigm and make it permanent one, and also looking forward to change my false beliefs. 

 

[Amit]

Ego backlash still happening. I'm way too focused on my ego self, constantly trying to feed it dopamine by not exerting self-control by the excessive use of social media. I have this itch that I know way too much, and people will benefit from what I say, but I see it keeps taking more and more of doing things for them. And still they don't want you, the ego is rubbing against mine and I can't take it more. Better if I let go of it and single mindedly focus on softwares. It's very satisfying feeling yet to learn new things and coming up with an algo. It definitely makes me creative. 

Helping people is not what I should strive to do, it should just be as a rant if I'll post something. So until unless I'm very angry and have a definite message, not going to put anything out there. It's important to make that decision, or it keeps bugging you. Its definitely better to read books and write blogs. After I finish BST problems today, I'll try to set up a blog page. 

[Amit]

This job stumbled on me and now it seems so fantastic when I look back. Looking forward I don't know what would be it like but I'm not going to get attached like I used to. Girls, haha they're funny, I like them, but just give and receive, nothing more. Not selling my heart for sex. My heart is for my work. That's my love, that's my child, don't need a pussy for that. I don't appreciate the good looks, but I see the beauty of the soul, and woman are manipulative, chasing woman is for looks, for the materialistic pleasures not the soul. Soul just is, it's being. 

[Amit]

Not getting time to read books, not even meditation. Time management is in shambles due to social media  distraction, and that's for the pleasures of interaction, talking to feminine gives a very different perspective but also lowers the consciousness for me. But avoiding this makes it harder to move on. But I have to brute force to be on plan and try to suffer it through. It's for the love anyway, not for woman, not for the ego, it's for the God. That's what I am striving towards, better if I be fully aware of it all the time to avoid backsliding away from it.

Let's not underestimate worth of my time and not be kind to others, not everyone deserves to hear the Truth, it's for my own self and for someone who ask for it. It can't be given for free. 

[Amit]

I hate ignorance not only for others but for myself, that's why I make offensive remarks if I see it playing out in front of me, and that's what makes me a repulsive force. The world is in dark ages and they better keep away from me for not hurting their bubbly little huge egos. I don't care about you scumbags, play in filth, keep suffering you animals. Shit heads, you think you're smart for avoiding it, no you're an ignorant you'll get keeping fucked up untill you do what I said in the first place.

No it hurts it, you're not being respectful, bitches really, you should be ashamed of yourself for being so in the dark that you can't see the light, writing filth doesn't make it. 

[Amit]

It makes me angry when I see ignorance and blind following masquerades as wisdom, it is worst than keeping the mouth shut, it's the devil's work, devil uses some of the feminine as the medium by tricking it and moves the world towards hell. Feminine is attracted toward devil as it seems to be the only force, devil claims it to be the God, gives concepts and theories and seduces the feminine which in turn seduces the globe. That's why the wisest turn into asceticism because they know that world is satanic. The trick is that God never claims anything only devil, because it has been created by God for keep the world moving in darkness, so that it's harder to achieve him without faith, and you have to give it all away completely. 

Female is the vehicle of devil, but in that too she is serving God only, to trickery and deception. 

[Amit]

I finally understand why it's good to be good with people. My whole life, I was a good person but not authentic, when I became authentic, all my animalistic nature came to the forefront, everyone could see it and judge and reject me for it. And the circle is becoming complete again, I am good again, but it's different as I also realise badness to good people. That's survival, attachment to false self. 

False self have desires, desire to be in comfort of a kind loving person, desire of being appreciated, desires never end, untill you realise you're not the desire. Desires are thoughts, attachment to feeling good. 

But life is a roller coaster, and Truth has to be accepted, and chased, not happiness and feeling good. 

Also I'm it, others are me myself, I'm rude and unfair to myself for not being perfect.

[Amit]

Now I see, how arrogant I was. though I am growing so much still when I see other people going at a faster pace, well it makes me humble. Thank you, great people, I won't name them but they are an inspiration to me. After I got Deeksha from my Guru, it has become quite a journey of beauty and positive, daily something happens which moves my heart significantly. Oh god, I am still in my shell, thinking that I'm great, I surrender myself completely to you in the worship of your infinite beauty have yet to be seen.

Please master take me to the higher planes, make me yours. I don't want anything else, that I've seen you. I want to just merge inside you. 

[Amit]

I had this fragmentation of seeing survival as something against me as a wise person, picked it up from leo that it is something of inferior kind. Now I can conclude that survival is not a bad thing, we all are trying to optimize our survival and even God tells us to self love, and that love your survival too. 

Survival is not an isolated process, but an inherent one, other things born out of survival and not vice versa, survival is primary, but it will feel dearly to only once you see yourself for what you are an conscious being, not the ego construct, which you keep mistaking yourself for, and as conscious being you have choices to set your agenda. From an aligned perspective comes the righteous of self agendas. No don't try to chase alignment, because it's what you are in this moment, you're already aligned once you empty your brain, and choose to be here, choose to detach yourself wisely from things which are against your survival of your consciousness. 

Never get stuck on words but try to see what they are pointing towards, as words can't be truths, truth is you to directly experience and explore and build over what you realise to be true.