A Class Full Of Girls

[Marinus]

Within 2 weeks I will be in a class full of girls. The last 6 years I only had guys in my class, so a class dominated by girls seems very intimidating to me. As you might guess I don’t have much experience with girls. In my previous class, we had some girls in class and they got a lot of attention. I wonder how this would be if it was reversed as in my upcoming situation, how would this be for the girls in such a class.

Has anyone any experience with this or some advice to deal with this?

[Elisabeth]

What's your age and subject of studies?

I mainly have experience the other way round as a girl among a lot of guys. There's been something missing at times, but never a real problem. 

From what I've observed girls can be a little ... mean ... to the only guy among them, mocking him to test his reactions, especially if he's good looking and especially at a certain age. But. Most times you won't encounter any trouble at all. So don't be too concerned about this. Do what feels good to you, be prepared for a handful of surprising reactions (expecially at the beginning as the dynamics establishes), but trust that given enough time the group will accept you just fine without you trying to fit yourself into some kind stereotype or behavior that goes against your grain. 

[ajasatya]

1 hour ago, Marinus said:

Has anyone any experience with this or some advice to deal with this?

yes. don't try to get something out of it. don't try to impress and don't crave for approval.

if you need to talk to any of them, look straight and deeply into her eyes. if you manage to maintain a humble attitude, you'll have nothing to hide. this is actually an acing advice for almost any situation in life.

[Marinus]

@Elisabeth Thank you!

I'm 20 years old and I'm going to study Applied Psychology. I'm not the only guy, it's more something like 10/90 or even less.

For me it's the social setting that's so challenging, normally I was quiet and now I want to change that, by being more authentic. Thank you for informing me about the test, I didn't expect that. I think the best thing I can do is to stay true to my values. In your situation, did the guys test you too?

[Marinus]

@ajasatya Thank you, that's some solid advice!

[Elisabeth]

3 hours ago, Marinus said:

@Elisabeth Thank you!

I'm 20 years old and I'm going to study Applied Psychology. I'm not the only guy, it's more something like 10/90 or even less.

For me it's the social setting that's so challenging, normally I was quiet and now I want to change that, by being more authentic. Thank you for informing me about the test, I didn't expect that. I think the best thing I can do is to stay true to my values. In your situation, did the guys test you too?

20 is fine. Even if you "mess up everything", people get more gentle than in their teenage years. Plus, everyone is gonna have bigger goals and concerns on their mind when starting university. You'll relate just ok over the common subjects and struggles. First year university, at least for me, was socially easy. 

In my case, guys (the teenage math geeks) were more prone to simply ignore me, so my 'test' was more to show that I know a thing or two and that a girls voice has a value. It can still be a struggle doing my phd. But I've also enjoyed some pleasant attention in other male-dominated groups, and there also always was a guy or two who cared to help me out. 

Edited August 31, 2017 by Elisabeth

[Spiral]

Good for you, make em fight over you and then pick neither of them

Or don't do anything and they'll leave you alone. You'll be fine, they are harmless.

[Santiago]

As en engineering student I say that you just hit the jackpot my friend.. In my classes it's the other way around, we are 90 men and 10 women.

You just focus on the subjects and get good grades, do some talk with the girls around if they are receptive and if they want to talk to you(and you want to talk to them ofc), and that's it, they will come to you if they find you interesting.

I think there is nothing to fear considering that you are 20 years old, the girls are probably mature enough to behave, and don't feel intimidated by them, remember that they are just like you, they fart, they poop, they have fears, they do stupid things for approval, they eat unhealthy food, they masturbate, etc. They are very relatable and approachable, and they are probably a little bit intimidated by you because you are a guy.

This makes me want to study psychology btw.

[5driedgrams]

     I had a lot of trouble with girls in my class taking my attention away from my studies. They still continue to take my attention away from my work lol. If I could give advice to my 20 yr old self in class, I'd say be a boss at the class! I dicked around when I was 20 and missed a great opportunity (being that my mom worked for a college at the time and I got reimbursed for the classes I passed) If I was acing the class, I'd have great grades AND the girls would have wanted me to help them study! Instead I was busy trying to make them laugh, didn't pass the class and didn't get anywhere with the girls haha

[Santiago]

21 minutes ago, 5driedgrams said:

     I had a lot of trouble with girls in my class taking my attention away from my studies. They still continue to take my attention away from my work lol. If I could give advice to my 20 yr old self in class, I'd say be a boss at the class! I dicked around when I was 20 and missed a great opportunity (being that my mom worked for a college at the time and I got reimbursed for the classes I passed) If I was acing the class, I'd have great grades AND the girls would have wanted me to help them study! Instead I was busy trying to make them laugh, didn't pass the class and didn't get anywhere with the girls haha

Yeah, like I said and like he says, focus on your studies and just ignore the girls, I mean you can talk to them or flirt with them but give more attention to the class than you give to them.

By being focused on your studies you become instantly more attractive to the girls around, you have a purpose and you go for it, that's very attractive for girls. They also love smart men. So it's a win-win situation, you will feel amazing if you do good on your studies, and that translates in being more attractive.

[Marinus]

@Santiago Last year I studied engineering, so I had a similar experience.

2 minutes ago, Santiago said:

By being focused on your studies you become instantly more attractive to the girls around, you have a purpose and you go for it, that's very attractive for girls. They also love smart men. So it's a win-win situation, you will feel amazing if you do good on your studies, and that translates in being more attractive.

That's exactly what I had planned, because of my life purpose.

I consider myself as a people pleasure and I don't want to walk into my own traps.

@5driedgrams Helping them study, that's a great idea! Teaching makes you learn the subject better.

@Spiral My ego would like that 

[Marinus]

19 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

In my case, guys (the teenage math geeks) were more prone to simply ignore me, so my 'test' was more to show that I know a thing or two and that a girls voice has a value. It can still be a struggle doing my phd. But I've also enjoyed some pleasant attention in other male-dominated groups, and there also always was a guy or two who cared to help me out. 

What is the purpose of these test, is it to test his confidence? When I was 13 and the girls that would bother me I was insecure, but I acted to appear cold and emotionless. This was probably not a wise strategy. Maybe the math geeks had the same mindset. 

[Elisabeth]

On 1. 9. 2017 at 9:41 AM, Marinus said:

What is the purpose of these test, is it to test his confidence? 

 

Frankly, I'm not sure, I never participated. Testing boundaries, I'd say. Since everyone is unsure, the group dynamics has to be established. But again, probably less of an issue on the university level. You'll be studying psychology, you figure out

[Haumea]

Quote

As you might guess I don’t have much experience with girls. 

Quote

Has anyone any experience with this or some advice to deal with this?

The cure for a lack of experience is having the experience.

The problem isn't lack of experience - it's expectations, fear of failure (for any given definition of such), etc.

You're 20, you're inexperienced...and that's fine.  Don't put pressure on yourself, just experience and learn.

You'll make mistakes and learn...and that's fine.

You're only 20, so you're still learning about yourself.

Edited September 2, 2017 by Haumea

[The Monk]

@Marinus Yes, I've had the same experience when I took Drama class . There's nothing to be afraid of although, you may think "oh they're all focusing on me" they're not really and most of them won't care you are there. But judging by how you asked the question it seems like you're scared or intimidated by them? So really ask yourself am I going to let myself be controlled by a figment of someones imagination? . But what I can say for you is to use this as an opportunity for growth, since you seem quite shy and scared around lots of girls I would say push through the fear and talk to them about anything to improve your confidence around them, but make sure to be authentic and not needy! And for future reference if you get any ideas about dating remember you are the best person for you,  and you don't need anyone to fulfill you and you shouldn't , and if you do you're not ready for a relationship, so don't take it because all it will create is neediness and a dysfunctional relationship not one forged by true love and authenticity from two non needy entities.  Good luck!  

[Marinus]

@Mad Max The short answer is yes. I am not experienced at all, but pick-up is not my style. My style is being authentic from now on. I discovered my  problem, I think only about what they can do for me. And somehow I learned that I don't deserve affection, which is very contradicting. 

@The Monk To me girls feel like the unknown, because I lack experience. The funny thing though is that when I enter in an conversation with a girl I will be confident, if I don't expect something from her for my egoistic fulfillment.  My problem is the classic ''break the ice'' obstacle.  My subconscious is still used to the old way of thinking. 

By the way, today was my first day at college. I noticed the last days that I'm less worried about approval, because I'm more focused on truth. So today I wondered how this would effect me with all those girls around. In the beginning I felt uncomfortable, but when we had a college tour, I felt very masculine. The funny thing was that guys come to me, because we are the minority and they feel more comfortable that way. I actually felt very comfortable, more comfortable then when I had only guys around, does someone know why this could be?

We also had a speed date session with each other and I made a confident impression, because I really felt that way. I learned that exposure is way more comfortable than expecting the worst. 

Thank you for your help anyway. 

[Nahm]

@Marinus When you give the Oneness perspective, that you are overall seeking, a chance, you might feel better. All of those girls, in actuality, are also the one that you are, having an experience, of being you and all of those girls. It's hilarious because, you, the one, are doing it. It really is funny if you consider that and at least for a moment, adopt that perspective. 

Or, I'm assuming too much, you are not seeking any oneness, you prefer serperatism, and would rather believe there is something, or anything at all to even be concerned about.  Also, conscious breathing is a hell of a drug.

[Marinus]

@Nahm When I felt uncomfortable I thought about the fact that my perceptions are a creation itself so this made me feel at peace.

51 minutes ago, Nahm said:

All of those girls, in actuality, are also the one that you are, having an experience, of being you and all of those girls. It's hilarious because, you, the one, are doing it. It really is funny if you consider that and at least for a moment, adopt that perspective. 

I'm obviously not enlightened, but what people mean with your true nature, that has to be the very same nature of every individual right? I seek oneness and separation. It depends. Oneness with my perceptions, separation with my personality. The more I am in the moment, the more blissful I am. To me sleep is the most peaceful experience, because I don't have a personality that way. It made me think that sleeping might be necessary to be able to be. What are your thoughts on this?