Your Enemy Is More Witty Than You

[electroBeam]

How do you deal with people who are:

- more witty than you/are quicker on their feet to insult you.

- who insult you in passive aggressive ways i.e. that effectively lower your reputation or self worth, but at the same time the behavior is not resisted by peers because it's funny or seems harmless due to the very subtle or indirect nature of the insult. For example, say you're a vegan, and the user makes a joke like "a vegan restaurant is another word for a grass field". This is targeted at you due to you being the only vegan, the individual not being a friend of yours, and everyone else are meat eaters, or sly comments that aren't noticed as insults by peers consciously, but unconsciously negates their reputation of you.

- Who when you raise the issue that the insults are not appropriate, respond by saying its a joke, or that you are too sensitive. Basically every response is countered by another subtle insult or rebuke that is too indirect for peers to notice it's an insult.

- Or destructively criticizes you on a very regular basis. For example, your work is too sloppy, you suck at sports, we can't have you on the team you're a liability for the whole class, not just our team, you lie all the time, etc. 

- Who is too witty to try and overcome the situation by insulting them back. 

I'm not against jokes and banter, but when the individual does it on a regular basis, and does it deliberately to lower your self worth or reputation, it becomes an inhibitor for the victim facing it. 

[electroBeam]

@Ragib Ashraf what about other people's perception of you being damaged?

For example, if you talk crap about a company, the company takes that seriously as it has deep potential to stop customers from going to them. The term legally is called libel laws or defamation. In a personal context it's called slander. 

From my perspective, insulting someone's self concept has the same negative consequences as ruining a company's reputation: you may be less likely to be promoted, you may be treated or discriminated against in the workplace, due to this lower reputation that one individual is giving you.

Edited August 28, 2017 by electroBeam

[Truth]

@electroBeam 

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." 

There's actually a couple reasons one could be continuing to act in this manner -->

1. Not feeling respected.

2. Used to feel weak and in order to compensate for it they Overcompensate to fill their deep seeded insecurities. (of feeling weak or not strong or unconfident)

3. Being competitive, always trying to "beat" you in some form.

The ideal strategy is to give them what they want, what do they want? If it's respect, try to convey respect to them. If it's competition, don't ultimately play the game but don't lose either. Just let them know they are already a winner in your eyes, if you can do this you'll totally flip them around and they might even start to help you. It's best to leave your ego or "self worth" at the door and take on this attitude that you're a guy who gives everyone value, and you feel good when everyone around you feels good. This is ideal.  

 

 

[Elisabeth]

I don't hang out with these people. I think they are toxic. If they're part of a group but the group as a whole works for me, I'm just polite but don't speak to them too much. If a group is too poisoned by someone like that, I choose other groups, with regrets maybe.

Having said that, I don't care, if they're "spoiling my reputation". If the people around choose to listen to them and disrespect me, they're not worth my time. 

That's how I deal anyway. It would be a little harder with family members who can't be cut out easily. 

Edited August 28, 2017 by Elisabeth

[alyra]

if you notice passive aggression, it is because you are thinking of things passive aggressively. 

if you find your self-worth and reputation to plummet, it is because you are the one who believes these fears to be true. (or at least possibly true)