Self-worth Defined By The Approval Of Others

[Philipp]

 

Approval addiction and unstable Self-Worth

 

Yesterday I went out with my friends, and once again at the end of the night I felt sad and worth less due to the lack of approval of others ( mostly women) .

My problem is my Self-Worth is deeply linked to the approval of women and others.

When a woman shows me that she likes me, I instantly feel worthy and thus more self confident. On the other hand when I do not succed at getting the Approval of the woman I begin to feel very unconfident and worth less. Consequently my objective when I am around other people (especially women) is to get their approval to feel good about myself. This very needy behavior makes it hard to even get a woman to like me. Furthermore my self-worth is very fragil, sometimes when everything goes well I get confident, I act less needy and I feel worthy, and sometimes things snowball the other way. My self-worth is almost random, I can hardly influences the way I feel at the end of the night (or day).

I often heard about the concept that your Self-Worth should be linked to your own approval. This sounds good but I have difficulties to implement this in my life.
This is why I made this post: 
I need help, knowledge and book recomendations about  Self-Worth. 

I have already read the Diseas to Please by Harriet Braiker but I need a book which is more focused on Self-Worth.

 

I am very gratefull for any given advice. This is truly a problem I have been carying my whole life.

[Philipp]

Approval addiction and unstable Self-Worth

 

Yesterday I went out with my friends, and once again at the end of the night I felt sad and worth less due to the lack of approval of others ( mostly women) .

My problem is my Self-Worth is deeply linked to the approval of women and others.

When a woman shows me that she likes me, I instantly feel worthy and thus more self confident. On the other hand when I do not succed at getting the Approval of the woman I begin to feel very unconfident and worth less. Consequently my objective when I am around other people (especially women) is to get their approval to feel good about myself. This very needy behavior makes it hard to even get a woman to like me. Furthermore my self-worth is very fragil, sometimes when everything goes well I get confident, I act less needy and I feel worthy, and sometimes things snowball the other way. My self-worth is almost random, I can hardly influences the way I feel at the end of the night (or day).

I often heard about the concept that your Self-Worth should be linked to your own approval. This sounds good but I have difficulties to implement this in my life.
This is why I made this post: 
I need help, knowledge and book recomendations about  Self-Worth. 

I have already read the Diseas to Please by Harriet Braiker but I need a book which is more focused on Self-Worth.

 

I am very gratefull for any given advice. This is truly a problem I have been carying my whole life.

[bazera]

This is a huge problem for me too, so I would appreciate if somebody helped me and @Philipp with an advice or a book recommendation.

[MonikaBcn]

@Philipp The question is why don't you like yourself? Why do you see yourself worthless? What beliefs do you hold about yourself and your worth?

Do you know answers to these questions? 

[Bronsoval]

Confidence is a choice.  You are saying, if the condition is met, then you procede with the corse of action.  Why not choose to procede regardless of the condition?

[Keyblade Viking]

If you talk to a woman change your focus from trying to impress her, you don't need her at all so don't be needy but what you do need to focus on instead is to be your best self so when you talk to someone focus on being honest and letting your soul shine.

You can be disappointed in yourself if you fail with that but if you did your best it doesn't matter what the girl (or dude or whatever) think of you.

I'm just a complete fucking pussy myself but that's what I've learned thus far and if you just constantly put yourself in that spot where you embarrass yourself you will eventually have to beat your ego down doing that, and if you don't already know your ego is what's holding you back because you think that you are your ego so you don't want to humiliate yourself, humbleness is the key to heaven.

That is why it's a good thing to do pick up and the likes as long as you come from the right perspective (and watch that video Leo did about everything wrong with pick up)

[Philipp]

Thanks for the advices

@MonikaBcn As mentioned in my initial post my Self-Worth is linked to the approval of others, which means if I see people getting a lot of approval I think they have value. I do know that this is not healthy. My question is how do you change it, what do you have to do?

@Bronsoval I see what you mean, but my real goal is to change my flaud way of thinking that my Self-Worth depends on the approval of others, not to get the approval by working on my confidence.

@Keyblade Viking I think you are right that focusing on being more honest and authentic could help me because the approval I would get would be more real which helps to build some core confidence.  One problem is, I simply do feel worthy when I get their approval and that not that easy to change, it is not like a lever I simply pull to change that. Deep inside of my I probably believe that I need the approval, the question why do I think that and how can I change it.

 

 

[Bronsoval]

3 hours ago, Philipp said:

Eleanor Roosevelt said, " You wouln't worry so much about what other's think of you if you realized how seldom they do." Meaning most people are wrapped up in their own agenda to notice or care about your perceieved flaws.  Are you?  Notice how often you are judging other people's flaws.  If you find that you do it most of the time, a starting point would be to rid yourself of this habit, and you will feel less pressure to measure up to your own standards.  Everybody fails. Alot. Look inside and see if you will allow yourself to be happy with your flaws. You don't have to settle with all of your flaws.  Some of them will change and even dissapear as you learn and grow in self actualization.  You do have to settle with 'being flawed'.  We all are, because we are people, not robots.

 

 

 

[zenny]

@Philipp  books= the Six pillars of self esteem by Nathaniel branden, mastery by George leonard, no more mr nice guy by robert glover, models by mark manson, how to become a 3% man by corey wayne, etc

Videos= watch videos of noah elkrief , teal swan( start with videos of noah elkrief in youtube) etc

Coming back to books , its better that you start with ," no more mr nice guy " by robert glover( because, the book explains why some seek for approval, the book is all about that), then move onto, "the six pillars of self esteem"  by nathaniel branden, then move onto, "mastery" by george leonard, then, to understand more about women, read "models" by mark manson and "how to become a 3% man" by corey wayne