Im So Needy

[Siggi]

I am so needy for love.

I am so needy for people to look at me as an nice guy.

I hate it when my friends do stuff without me.

I am always paranoid that people are going to dump me and not just girls that Im dating! Its also just good friends. When I ask them to hang out and they say they're busy I start to get thoughts that go like "he probably doesn't like you", "he's getting tired of you" and "you're not gonna hang out with him again". And when it comes to dating its really bad. She might not reply to a very basic snap that i have sent her through snapchat and I start getting these extreme negative thoughts.

I am very aware of these thoughts and never act on them or show I have them, I Learned that from Leos video "how to deal with strong negative emotions". But Im so f*cking tired of generating these negative thoughts and having to go through a routine to not act on them and so on.

I want to get rid of this constant need and those negative thoughts. 

 

[ajasatya]

@Siggi you want people to hang out with you, but can you even do it to yourself??

can you go on a solitary walk and enjoy yourself?

if you cannot enjoy your own presence in solitude, then don't even expect people to do so. don't be hypocrite.

[Shin]

Who or what is needy ?

Inquire, go deep, spend a lot of time alone, meditate a lot too.

It will awful, it will feel like you're going to die, but this is necessary otherwise you'll never cure the problem at the source.

No way people will truly like you if you don't love yourself first (you could, but you would still be fucked up in the inside so ...), and to be able to truly love yourself, it takes a lot of courage and faith, because you first need to see that your current identity is false.

If you can see that you don't really are "insert your name", then there is no reason to be hurt, whatever happens.
That doesn't mean "negative" emotions won't ever occur again, it just means there will be just the emotion, and not the suffering just after (which is the real problem, not the pain in itself).

It's not that difficult, you just have to meditate and be minful 24/24 untill it becomes a second nature and you see your thoughts as something else than you, then they can't hurt you, not really.

I could tell you to develop a strong and assertive personality, but it takes longer and will not solve the core problem (it's relatively important if you want to build a strong carreer/relationships, but that's not a priority).

If you discover that your current "self" is just an illusion, then you will also understand that you can shape this illusion as you see fit.
That means you will be way more confident than any other dudes/girls out there, simply because there is no limit in your mind to what you can do.

From that emerges a deep peace and patience towards your current lifestyle, even if you have big dreams/projects and you seem very far away from them.
Nothing will seem really important, BUT you will appreciate every moment for what they are, even if you are all alone with nothing to do.

That may seem too good to be true, but it is not, and you don't need 20 years of practice to do this, you can do it in less than 1 year, EASILY.
You just  have to meditate 2 hours everyday and constantly being conscious (mindful) of your mind activity 24/24 (which is not you, the voice in your head is just an another thought).

 

 

Edited August 26, 2017 by Shin

[Moreira]

Your scarcity mentality will make everybody reject you. The rich gets richer the poor gets poorer.

If you want to attract people give first, bring good emotions, value, and people will want to spend time with you.

But the first stem is accept being alone and be happy alone, as ajasatia say, learn to be in the most absolute solitude and see there's nothing wrong, then your neediness will go away. Learn to dont give a fuk if you have friends or not.

[John Iverson]

8 hours ago, Siggi said:

I am so needy for love.

I am so needy for people to look at me as an nice guy.

I hate it when my friends do stuff without me.

I am always paranoid that people are going to dump me and not just girls that Im dating! Its also just good friends. When I ask them to hang out and they say they're busy I start to get thoughts that go like "he probably doesn't like you", "he's getting tired of you" and "you're not gonna hang out with him again". And when it comes to dating its really bad. She might not reply to a very basic snap that i have sent her through snapchat and I start getting these extreme negative thoughts.

I am very aware of these thoughts and never act on them or show I have them, I Learned that from Leos video "how to deal with strong negative emotions". But Im so f*cking tired of generating these negative thoughts and having to go through a routine to not act on them and so on.

I want to get rid of this constant need and those negative thoughts. 

 

In my case before, i'm needy too, i did 1 month isolation to people, the only thing i open before is this forum... it is important that you use meditate to be conscious... my neediness for girl is not that as needy as before anymore.. because i am now conscious, girls is one of my hierchy of needs that i working out to have that is different to one i am before..

[John Iverson]

Try to be conscious, it is enough to know why you are like that... you will find out soon.. i had watched a video of Leo that if now you have a threat you stisfy it first... I don't know what is the title of that... but also try to balance it... what ever you do try to be conscious.. you will know your self more, and it will have a change in your life.. expect to fail many time in this process.. expect as you get a long to people if you will you want to get along to girls , expect that they will turn you down.. but if someday have the realization of something.. you will get better and the attraction will improve... it is something that you will work out.. the journey is something that you will get many years.. don't change... be conscious and work that out.. surpass it by satisfy it .. then you go to the next level.. the next level is when you look back of being needy of hirls will not same as you before.. you will see it.. 

[5driedgrams]

On ‎8‎/‎26‎/‎2017 at 7:44 PM, Moreira said:

Your scarcity mentality will make everybody reject you. The rich gets richer the poor gets poorer.

If you want to attract people give first, bring good emotions, value, and people will want to spend time with you.

But the first stem is accept being alone and be happy alone, as ajasatia say, learn to be in the most absolute solitude and see there's nothing wrong, then your neediness will go away. Learn to dont give a fuk if you have friends or not.

Everyone's advice here is super sound and I'm glad everyone is taking the time to give these thought-out responses. This was a big problem of mine in high school and I wish I had this platform to reach out through at the time. This particular piece of advice as well as @ajasatya 's are the very first step to overcoming this issue in my opinion. It is also the most daunting. To go against the path of negativity your mind instinctually takes. To the "newbie" this might sound like bullshit, you might say "well if other people would love me more I would love myself more!" oh how cute the newbie mind is.  It is the exact opposite.

There have got to be countless useful videos on youtube for how to practice self-love and self- acceptance. Leo has made some videos on the subjects!

I see this is your second post. PLEASE STAY!!!! You have a great place to be honest and be completely unapologetically you here. It can be really hard to admit these types of things to personal friends in the real world. Admitting these things is the first step to correcting and/or alleviating them! Good luck! Work hard! You got this