Trip report - 300 mcg AL-LAD – Everything is made out of sexual energy This was the first trip, in which I didn't suffer. I have tripped about 10-12 times before, mostly on shrooms and LSD. Every time in those trips I sensed this intense feeling of fear and terror(sometimes deep sadness) in the first half of it, which by times made me roll on the floor shivering and sweating. The second half however was very peaceful. This kept me going. I've never experienced ego-death, probably because of this shit preventing me from going deeper. So, I already expected some shit coming up, but I was quite fed up and thought:"Okay, I don't care, even if I'm gonna die tonight, there's nothing to lose." I was lying on my couch waiting, being mindful. One hour after dropping it still no effect. "Did I eat too much and too recently? Did I buy some low quality shit? Bla bla bla.." But then..., well then there were some kind of visuals. A fractal structure. No typical geometrical fractal, more organic, alive, elegant and beautiful and so so VAST. "Is this the absolute? I mean look at this these are entire worlds! Are they? But it's not yet clear enough... What is this shit!?". I got interrupted by some intense acoustics. Sexual acoustics, and also this intense feeling( of love?) in my chest and belly. Although I didn't orgasm, this was quite nice. Then I got back again to this fractal structure. "Wait. All of this is made out of this intense feeling. This energy. Sexual energy! How epic is that!? I AM MADE OUT OF THIS. EVERYTHING IS" I watched myself laughing. It felt like hours."How could I be so stupid by taking life so goddamn serious? It's all fine. Even better, it's all epic and with every step on this journey it's getting even better!!" "Wait.. I watched myself laughing.. who was watching?" - I embraced not knowing. A thought came up. I remembered this strange intuition of: "How do I know my thoughts are as private as I think? How do I know these are MY thoughts?" Then it felt like I could listen to some of you guys' thoughts. Some questions came up, which have been actually posted shortly after this event on the forum.. Am I just deluded? Who knows. "I" thought about a coach I follow since years. Thought about his history, how he achieved what he achieved, his impact. The next day he posted an article describing exactly that.. Some time after, no more visuals, acoustics or "thoughts" as mentioned above. I went to my meditation cushion to do some concentration practice. It got SO FUCKING INTENSE, that this intense feeling of sexual energy returned( I actually got sexually aroused on my cushion, but nothing can distract me! ), but like 10x. I realized that I and everyone else can just fucking create energy out of NOTHING. Low self esteem? How stupid, your are already godlike! I remembered @Nahm mentioning how beautiful Leo is and him saying he's just as beautiful as everyone else. I glimpsed what he meant.. . Everyone of us is an entire universe of itself. Look at you. BILLIONS OF CELLS you know nothing about! Later I listened to some music. Every piece of it made me shiver. Never experienced such beauty before! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRfGG9XxJ3Y Life is meant to be enjoyed. Accept every moment of it as it is. Enjoy it! Life is such a special oppurtunity, live it! Don't let your fears drain the life out of you! Thank you to all of you guys for existing!