I Need Some Advice, I Guess...

[Psyche_92]

Hello guys,

 

This is my first time posting on this forum, and I’m not sure if this is the right place to drop my message, but I did it anyways.

So yea, for some months now I’m feeling kind of “weird” about everything in life. I’m 24, and I’m still living together with my mom, currently unemployed living from saved up cash from my last job. I don’t really have any friends, and because of my “problem” i also grew apart from my mom and family. This all started after I fell into a bad depression a year ago, which i’ve gone to therapy for back then. After ending therapy, i felt like a totally new person and started to get really into psychology. I really digged it, and started reading tons of books, watching a lot of online videos on YouTube and also about seminars, not only about psychology but also about self-development. Months went by, and mentally i felt myself growing everyday. I became isolated, but i didn't even care about it, because i was so hardcore into self-development, i guess you could have called me a self-help junkie back then. It wasn't until i started to learn about consciousness, conscious/sub-conscious mind that i really started to question my past. I came across Eckhart-Tolle and his books, and experienced being aware for the first time in my life. It was like i became a totally new person again, but this time i felt like i entered a new life dimension. My social anxiety was almost gone in an instant, and my negative thoughts flushed away. I literally thought that this was the destination i was looking for all my life, and that i had finally found it. This really felt like i took the door out of the matrix, not to exaggerate, but yeah.

A month ago i found out about non-duality,enlightenment, and ego which i feel brought me into this weird kind of state.
I feel like my family and a lot of people around me are just chasing their tails, living very unconsciously and i'm living in the midst of it. I don't really seem to care about anything anymore, and i'm amazed at how stupid and unconscious i was living my life a year ago, doing jobs that are so stupid without any purpose, it's ridiculous. I just see everyone getting in relationships for the wrong kinds of reasons, how my mom is overeating because she can't cope with herself when she's alone without her boyfriend, how my sister is living a life of addiction, and i can't really help but get frustrated about it, heck i can't even stand to be near them anymore because they are so ignorant, it saddens me honestly. ( i know this is my ego, but i can't help it for now )

I'm wishing for a life of independency, but because of this weird state i can't help but stay unemployed, because a lot of jobs i could apply for at the moment, are good for people who are asleep and living an unconscious life? I don't know, that's how i see it right now. I also feel very limited in my choices, because of my past that for the most part was driven by trauma, bad conditioning and negative beliefs which didn't gave me the space to grow, but neither to be my authentic self, and also caused me to run away from my bullies at school, ending up without a good diploma. 

The only thing that keep me busy nowadays are self-development, and i just started the life purpose course of Leo a week ago. I hope this course is going to give me some new insights, which will lead me to my life purpose, but still i need to have some kind of money to depend on in the meantime, which i don't know how i'm going to do just yet. 

If you guys have any advice, it will be highly appreciated. I'm glad i found out about Leo, but also about this forum. At least i don't feel alone anymore right now, i guess?

 

Greetz

Psyche_92

[youngshinzen]

@Psyche_92 Usual symptoms of higher awareness. You're seeing others as creatures driven by impulses, because you have understood yourself better. It's all good, it just feels weird because you need time to implement it. And don't worry about your financial situation, you will do what is necessary when the time comes. I've been there too and still am. Enjoy this time!

[ajasatya]

@Psyche_92 work towards compassion and gratitude. if you start to feel more special, more aware, smarter or more enlightened than others and start to behave as someone who cannot tolerate the company of those who suffer, you'll get stuck.

Edited August 25, 2017 by ajasatya

[Nahm]

@Psyche_92 Humility is helpful. You should bag groceries, or pump gas, or take any job anyone is willing to give you. There are no low consciousness jobs, only jobs performed with low consciousness. There is so much to be learned from being humble enough to support yourself. Your mom is supporting you and you are dissing her pretty hard. It's hard to be living with people and still maintain your focus on your self, but that's what you need to do for now. It will make you stronger than someone who lives alone and try's to grow. Your mom, her boyfriend, your sister - all those unconscious people - they are your masters. It is from them that you stand to learn the most about you. Sounds like you are doing great but maybe not realizing it yet. You have your whole life ahead of you. It's going to be pretty much how you think it will be. If I was you, I'd start waking up and being fucking awesome. Why wait?

[Erlend K]

On 25.8.2017 at 2:32 AM, Nahm said:

@Psyche_92 Humility is helpful. You should bag groceries, or pump gas, or take any job anyone is willing to give you. There are no low consciousness jobs, only jobs performed with low consciousness. There is so much to be learned from being humble enough to support yourself. Your mom is supporting you and you are dissing her pretty hard. It's hard to be living with people and still maintain your focus on your self, but that's what you need to do for now. It will make you stronger than someone who lives alone and try's to grow. Your mom, her boyfriend, your sister - all those unconscious people - they are your masters. It is from them that you stand to learn the most about you. Sounds like you are doing great but maybe not realizing it yet. You have your whole life ahead of you. It's going to be pretty much how you think it will be. If I was you, I'd start waking up and being fucking awesome. Why wait?

This is probably not the advice you want, but it is the advice you need to follow.

Sitting at home "doing self-development" can become an unhealthy addiction and form of procrastination in it self.

My advice is to just get any job to become independent, or at least able to help your mom pay the bills. You are an adult, and shouldn't be leeching off your family. Any job can be performed in a high or low consciousness way, depending on your attitude. Čiksentmihai describes factory workers he met who were able to get into a flow state while working at an assembly line.

My second advice is to try to treat your family with kindness, compassion and gratitude. You can view this as a valuable chance to develop these all-important pro-social traits. Cultivating kindness, compassion and gratitude has been a cornerstone of nearly every major spiritual tradition in history, and has been recommended by pretty much all the wisest people who ever lived, and all the modern positive psychologists. It's a more foundational part of spirituality and self-development than anything you sit alone in your room doing.