The Journey Is The Reward!!

[Anirban657]

Hey actualizers I am Anirban and I have been doing personal development since 2016 and I have had many cool experiences and self realisations. I have also read many books related to personal development and spirituality.

And I have been struggling through this for a long time. I had started using many personal development techniques but I was not getting the results for myself. I had some traumas in the childhood but after a lot of self-pity and suppressing my emotionson I reached a point when I had to start by taking baby steps.

So I started with small habits like going to bed at a fixed time and journaling. Then one day I watched Leo's meditation video and I started meditating because nothing else was making me feel good. So now I have a meditation habit of 30 minutes of meditation everyday. 

Then I had an awesome spiritual experience. After meditating for 3 months I had an ego dissolution experience. It was once of the best experiences that I had in my life. I was feeling like I was on seven heaven. That was a big change in my perspective. 

From that point of time I started taking personal development more seriously. And I started realising how I was my own greatest enemy. I became conceptual aware of my ego. I started learning more about personal development. But I did not have a vision for myself. So I had no direction in my 17 year old life.

Then again I experienced a plateau. I was doing personal development but I did not know how I was going to get the success I wanted to get. I did not care about happiness. So I became even more frustrated. I started watching less videos and not reading books for a brief period of time. I felt bad about myself.

Then got another shift. I was learning about epistemology and openmindedness and I was fascinated by it. I also became curious about spirituality. I started mindfulness meditation and enquiry. So I started doing mindfulness meditation and introspection.

But again I had another spiritual experience. You can call it a paranormal experience but I would say it was a spiritual experience. I felt like I was experiencing travelling through alternate realities. I also felt the presence of frequencies in a very subjective way. I felt like I was more than a body. I also felt like my perception had shifted like I started noticing very small things about the previously insignificant things. I also started liking nature more from that point. 

(To be continued)

[Wes Thoughts]

@Anirban657 That's awesome man. I am just getting into this stuff so it is inspiring for me to see others getting results from the practice. I need to learn to enjoy the journey more. Right now it feels like frustrating work.

[Anirban657]

Reality is really freaky and beautiful is what I will say if I am asked by anyone to explain my experiences. 

(entry no 2)

Loneliness is something that I had to deal with throughout my whole life. I had been addicted to porn and video games and negative thinking and I have overcome them to some extent but it still bugs me sometimes. 

It was a tough journey with quitting my major addictions. I started watching porn in High School and then whenever I felt lonely which is the majority of my life I would watch it and just avoid the pain. As I continued watching it I became more disconnected to the people around me and also disconnected to my family.  I felt like I was destined to die and that I was being punished and that normal life wasn't for me. So as I started doing personal development I had tare a decision for my life. I could not thrive in life if I had that addiction. It reached a point where I would get negative thoughts and negative emotional that made me unable to get out of my house. 

Then I had video games addiction. I used to wake up at 7am and start playing video games till 2am in the night. This was life for me. A continuous escapade from pain that I needed to face. The pain that I had from my childhood traumas needed to be faced or I would ruin my life and lose all the possibilities that destiny has kept before me. I had to get out of the mess. I dropped one year in high school because I was too addicted to video games to study. 

So I had to decide. I had to decide either I want to play video games or I want to study and become successful. I didn't feel like studying and I hated society.  So I went to the extent of telling my family members that I would complete high school through distance learning. Then the day came when I had to get my name removed from my school and register for a distance learning school. 

I remember I had decided to do that and then the thought came that :"What if..." That was a turning point. The shower was cold and fresh and all the resistance and society's pressure just dissolved for a moment. And I was thinking about my future. What would my life be like if I chose to not go to school. What will I be doing? Play the same video game over and over again? Get more addicted? 

So I asked my parents: "What's the possibility that I can go back to school?" Then said :"100 per cent son" . The motivation kicked in and I was back to school and doing psychotherapy for quitting video game addiction. A month later I was no longer addicted to video games and 6 months later I no longer play video games ?.

Maybe I am lucky to get a though like "What if?". Maybe I am very introspective and openminded naturally. But reality is more complex than that. I was back to my feeling of Loneliness.  I had to face it now. This time I became neurotic and tried the just do it method. That did not work. 

(then entry #1 happened)

(From to be continued)

Have you even experienced floating on water whole facing the sky and the water lifts you up and one moment you don't exert any force and the next moment it is going to kill you because you can't swim and you intuitively try to move your body so that you don't drown? I almost died. I don't know if it's a NDE (Near death experience) because I did not see any gods or demons but I almost died. I was frustrated with life and I had a spiritual experience when I lost consciousness and the pain was too much and I saw a pond before me and I just climbed the railing and jumped into the pold.  My external awareness was zero and I had no hope left. I jumped into water and I didn't even breath. I was holding my breath because I had given up.  While I was under water I was not breathing and I was conscious of that. I was going under water and then the water pushed me up and then again I was under water. I was calm and I felt the feeling of love. I am lucky that I was saved by the people. They got me out of water and I was again back to life. 

(Next entry no 3)