Detachment Needed To Self-actualize.

[The Monk]

Hey guys and girls, I've been having a real problem lately, and that is I can't be detached from needing a girl in my life.

She is of similar age to me and enjoys life,  but I seem to be very attracted to her. Since she has an awesome life and isn't needy of anyone else. I think she has also come to realize that I have a crush on her and she seems not to care, she says she doesn't want a relationship, because she is happy with what she has. But still I'm attached to her since I think about her and have dreams about her. So I feel like I want what she has, which is the ability to see attractive people and not get attached to them or not need to be in a relationship with them, or even friends with them and still be happy. How can I do this? How can I stop thinking about her and get the sense of detachment that she has gained? Also she doesn't meditate she's just a high school girl who studies a lot so where and how did she develop this profound power? Because I don't have it feel sad that I'm not in a relationship with her and I think constantly about her. So this is what I also want. Because, I was actually talking to her on Facebook and I realized that I was subtly trying to re-kindle the chance of us getting into a relationship , but she wasn't and doesn't want to how can I do this? Stop thinking, so caring, stop getting angry/ frustrated/ upset, and become detached from needing anyone? Also I've already watched Leo's video on how to be attractive, but I feel like it just doesn't give enough information on how to really end this once and for all. 

Thanks for the suggestions guys. I really appreciate them as, they have the ability to improve my life greatly and change the world for the better. 

[Epiphany_Inspired]

Hmmm...well, yes, neediness is something best to overcome...From my personal experience, you may have a few options....

#1. Do the work (self-love, etc) to surpass the neediness...

#2. Distract yourself by diverting focus to other passionate personal projects, and foster the detachment you desire within yourself ...

#3. Develop acceptance....she has said she doesn't want a relationship....there is no point in dwelling on an impossibility...

#4. realize that you don't need anyone....but if you want someone...there are 7 billion people in the world...you can find others that want to be with you too  

[Damir Elezi]

1. How do you know she doesn't need anyone? People can seem like they live a certain kind of life when in reality they are totally different. I wouldn't focus on her to much, her definition of happiness might be different from yours and even if you had the life she has, you could end up miserable. You yourself should be the only measure.

2. Neediness is hard to get rid of, I personally doubt the possibility that you don't need anyone or anything. Of course you can get the feeling of independency and that's wonderful but I think we shouldn't forget that we all live in a system inside of a system inside of a system where everything depends on everything else. So basically being independent is another illusion. 

You seem to be very upset and confused about all that. Maybe You should take a step back and first forget about her, I think your crush on her might be the real issue. Your emotions are going nuts and thoughts follow, I know that feeling. After You got over her, focus on the neediness thing, that is another issue.

[alyra]

why do you believe you need her? you don't currently have her, you never had her before. and yet, you are here, alive, and present. doesn't seem to me like you need her at all

 

try to release the urgency of these thoughts - the thoughts that such things are required. the fear to not have them. 

 

Find things which you know you'd enjoy to have, but do not feel any need for. maybe your emotional relationship to these desires can help find the insight on how to release that sense of urgency that is shackling you