Pickup: To do or not to do?

[cena655]

Hi guys,

First of all my simple question: Should I do pickup or not?

Now let me come to my personal history:

I come from a strict family where it's forbidden to have a girlfriend. I'm a 20 years old grown man and I can say that I've never had a girlfriend. Sometimes it's really depressing. 

Since the age of 13 I would feel a certain anxiety towards people, social anxiety is the right term people like to call. I always felt bad sitting in a class. Although I know my class fellows really well, I got sweaty palmes, my heart rate would increase and I would have thousand thoughts in my head saying what others might think of me. 

Even at work I get all those symtoms and sometimes I feel my belly shaking because of that nervousness. 

Also when I try to explain my problem to others, people just don't believe me. That is why I don't tell anyone about it anymore. 

Do you guys think that Pickup would improve my life in any way? Or do you have any other suggestions?

[Dhana Choko]

Have you seen a video that Leo uploaded recently about Pick-up?
 

 

[cena655]

Yes, I have. But I think that meeting new people and and approaching girls would be the first step to take for me.

[Dhana Choko]

6 minutes ago, cena655 said:

Yes, I have. But I think that meeting new people and and approaching girls would be the first step to take for me.

Yes, I understand why you would want that. It does feel good to be more confident. However I am not sure if Pick Up is ultimately a healthy way to go about it. I am sure it can teach many men a lot of things (as anything in this world) but I think it seems like there can be healthier ways about it. To me it seems like the community has a lot of undesirable effects, thought-patterns and ways of living, even though it does offer some valuable tools as well. My advice would be that if you decide to do it, you need to be very considerate on which tools you use and what kind of motivations you take on board with that type of life-style and that is very challenging and can be very confusing. I would personally wish there would be a better way for you.

Maybe Leo can shed light into your situation.

[Ayla]

My point of view on this topic is that everything is ultimately a manifestation of consciousness - even Ego, even "mistakes".. 

This will help alleviate the pressure off the decision. 

[Leo Gura]

If you're THAT behind the curve and you suck with women, then I would recommend pick up or some other form of dating material. Just do it responsibly and understand the limitations.

There is no way to get better at dating without actually dating people.

And it helps to learn the basics of how women think and what they are attracted to in a guy, because it's very counter-intuitive at first. If you've never been around women, then you will have a lot of wrong ideas about what they want.

My rant video against pickup was mostly aimed at HARDCORE players and pickup fanatics, not newbies who just want a girlfriend. Like I said in the video, I personally got A LOT out of pickup and I did it fairly responsibly.

[maikmal26]

cena 655 we have many similarities and i have been wondering the same thing,if pickup is the solution to social anxiety and would  help my life to become better.These are two different problems.Social anxiety will deminish if you start talking to people in general.Just a smile or a quick "Hi/Hello" will help 100%.In a month or so you will be able to talk to anyone without even thinking about it.As for pickup,my opinion, is that you should learn how to do it.At least the basics but you should keep in mind that you are doing it to get a nice relationship in the long run and not to make women's lives miserable.If you don't learn about pickup you might end up in a disfuctional relationship where you are afraid to get out of since a new one would be hard to get.I hope my thought were useful to you 

[cena655]

Thanks guys for your help! I truely appreciate that

Edited February 7, 2016 by cena655

[LouieC]

I think you should not do it, because it can give you the idea that you can manipulate women.On the other hand you should meet new girls and start treating them as human beings instead of objects.Also you shouldn't worry so much about having a girlfriend.

[Arman]

I think peoples concerns are valid, but not always necessarily a reflection of what pick-up actually is. Like a lot of people have never really checked out the material. Use your own barometer for deciding what is a reflection of authenticity and use your common sense. Give it a try it's awesome. 

Lifes gonna be pretty lame if you can't talk to girls dude. It will give you a lot of confidence. 

Edited February 7, 2016 by Arman

[Tiger]

Well You should check out corey wayne's youtube chanel,I believe this the best aproach because he actualy teaches you the true values of a man, I would say a more mature aproach than pick up. You can even get his book for free!!! 

[Ida]

I think you should do it! Im in same boat as you just as the other sex. Im just really nervous on how to approach it, but definitely should it help you  

[kyle barnett]

do approach woman, however do not try to get or own or impress them. Instead state your intentions and your desires as if you were to give an invitation. Work on your body language and communications skills as they will be an asset to you for your entire life. But implement them into a life long behavior rather than use them to attract woman. This is just my idea i came up with, because i am still trying to grasp it myself

[FinnishJon]

I'm wondering if Leo would be willing to share on this Forum some of the recommended Pickup community places where he learned to get better?  I have a couple of sites that I have used to learn more, and I have to say, it is a lot more detailed than Leo and catering to beginners like me, and probably Cen655, as well, since you sound like you are new to pickup.  I still suck at dating even after more than two years of practice, but I think I am getting better.  There is a guy named Richard "Gambler" La Ruina whose videos I have seen on the Attraction Rockstar website.  Does anybody have any experience with this site?  I think his approach is very good and doesn't denigrate women, but just coaches nervous, low-confidence men like myself to navigate the social cues in the bar scene. 

[electroBeam]

I'm in a similar position to you. My point of view with all of this is that if you want something, you have to get off your ass and work for it. If you want to solve a math problem, you have to find ways to manipulate it, techniques to fit the requirement you need. If you want to have a caring and loving relationship, you have to learn techniques to obtain that. Pick Up are certainly techniques that can do that. Of course though, the techniques are just tools. You can use them for good(high conscious activities) or bad(low conscious activities), if you want to self actualize, everyone is convincing you to use the former decision.

 

[Fantastic_Times]

Yes, do it but do not get too hung up on the community. The teachings are awesome (I would recommend Tyler/Owen from RSD or Alex who used to be an RSD instructor). However, the community I found to be quite toxic and more of a cult. Some good stuff here and there if you are willing to fish around. I would say that finding a local group of guys would be preferable. You can learn from them. Be mindful tho, that these people are highly selfish and ambitious people and do not really care to empathize about you or others. They're there to improve their game. I don't say this with a judging tone but it is what it is. At worst, they can be manipulative either directly or indirectly. 

Anyhow, if you want to get good at pick-up surround yourself with others that know about pick-up just like you would surround yourself with business people if you wanted to learn about business. But don't judge their ways and try to learn with an open mind. 

If anyone here relates to the Graves model (attached) I would class pick-up as a strong orange. They talk down on those in blue as "sheep" or "chodes" who are socially conditioned idiots that have no self-direction or self-expression. True criticism (sometimes) but irrelevant and useless in the big scheme of things. As such, I like pick-up in that it strongly advocates self-reflection, self-esteem building and a culture of achievement and goal setting. Yet, after you achieve all that it's time to move on onto green and beyond. This might take you a long time. It's taking me forever to get there but I'm patient and I put everything into context. I'm still terrible with women myself and find it hard to establish human connections with others.

I wish you all the best in your journey!

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, 8LanguageStud said:

I'm wondering if Leo would be willing to share on this Forum some of the recommended Pickup community places where he learned to get better?

I used some local lair forums which won't be helpful to you guys. And some other lame pickup forums which shall go unmentioned.

I used RSD Nation a lot. RSD has some of the best hardcore pickup material you'll find. But also very dogmatic community.

Finding local guys in your area who are willing to take you under their wing proved very helpful to me. You can do that by either finding a local lair online for your city. Or through RSD inner circle.

[Jecht Spencer]

Just realize that women alone will ultimately not make you happy. Took me 10 long years to figure that out. (I learned about pickup back in 2006.)

It is kind of like putting a band-aid on a sucking flesh wound.

I still find myself very much dependent on the approval of women and a few strong swigs of wine.

Just be careful is all I'm saying...

[Lynnel]

RSD Julien defines pick-up as " A never ending process of making yourself more attractive by any means available and getting women as a byproduct of that process ".

Why wouldn't you do such a thing ?  Change, lots of trauma, your ego dissolving, etc. It seems to me that expansion is quite often a painful process, be it spiritual growth or learning pick-up. If you feel you can handle that, just do it.

Anyone looking for pick-up materials, I would definetly recommend RSD. it's the best content out there by FAR.

Althought it starts as orange, I would actually put it into yellow later on, because it is a process of self-actualization, because it's a long term solution to bringing happiness and balance to the lives of man and women accross the world. (May sound too idealistic).

Edited February 7, 2016 by Lynnel

[Olafur Thorsteinsson]

I would do it if I where you, and it will get rid of your social anxiety.

I have the same problem and a lot of social anxiety. I have seen my social anxiety be improving.

I like to 100% congruent way in pick up where you are yourself, free from outcome, socializing with everyone, even the ugly old woman how is sitting in the corner (it scared the shit out of me when I did this the first time). it means that you do not fake how you feel or anything at all about you.

Let say I go out and I feel like shit, I feel like no girls will ever love me, I feel social anxiety, and I feel approach anxiety. What I will do is that I go up to the next girl I see no matter how she looks and start talking to her "hey, I feel like shit coming here and taliking to you, I am so afrait of talking to girls and I have so mutch social anxiety". I do not try to change my voice, or my body language because I am not there to try to make her like me, I am there training myself to be myself, not trying to be someone eles to be liked. She might stay there and talk to me for few minutes or she might run the fuck away from me.

Now imagen when you can be yourself, feeling the flow, feeling happy, feeling outside of your head, you don't need approval from girls because you are happy just the way you are. Then you wil start to feel people be drawn into your energy (not every body, you will almos always find haters, but you don't mind them) and then you are on the top of the pick up. pick up basicly is a tool to teach you that you don't need approval, that you can be youself around other people, and that you can be happy just the way you are.

This is the things that self-help is teaching. It is teatching you how to gain core confidence, how to get more self-esteem, how to be more funny, how to be more social, how to deal with social anxiety, how to be more self-aware, how to be more happy, how to stop being a people pleaser, how to be better in realationship (pick up helps in realationships, it sets up the foundation of being attractive). You will learn all this with pick up and a lot faster. so it-s not just about getting the girl

This approach to pick up gets me in the flow where I get out of my head, I can be me and say what is on my mind and do want I want to do and the girls tents to like it and be attracted to me (I am not a good looking guy)

I use pick up as a tool to bettering my social skils, to get rid of social anxiety, to get more outcome independent, and to be myself with out needing to thing "will they like me". I also use it to get layd, yes (I know that it will not make me happy nomatter how many girls I sleep with). But what I want to do with pick up is to be more attracted to the opposide sex and when I find that smart buitiful women that I am looking for, than I can be confident that I can get her and that I can be a good boyfriend to her with out needing to be thinking in ther relationship "does she stil love me", "mabey she is sleeping with other guy right now", "what should I do if she brakes up with me, then I am screwed. how the fuck am I going to get other girl to love me". This is why I do pick up and I know that it is my ego that drives it all.

it's your choose if you think it is worth your time