WaterfallMachine

How Do I Open Up And Get Closer To People More?

7 posts in this topic

For a long time, I've had this longing feeling when I thought of other people — whether they're strangers I see around or people I know well. My mind would keep returning to these people a day — especially the people I open up to the most. But I never get close enough in a way that's satisfying. 

Before, I thought I wanted my ego to be stroked for praise. Long story, but I fixed that need. Later I thought I needed a sense of community. I fixed that too. But now my mind still keeps returning to people over and over that I realized that I just wanted to get close to someone in particular. It's why I feel an envy when I see other people having closer relationships in real life and online. 

Not that I'm a loner and a social outcast. No. I'm more of that person everyone likes but no one ever gets close to. The easiest candidate to start with would be a long time tutor after school I had for years since I was a toddler. He's mostly that chill uncle figure I have — and  even more of a father and mentor figure than my actual dad. He complains about how secretive I tend to be so he'll be open to this happening. 

I tried showing something I wrote on paper that was private. He told me he'll read and won't respond which convinced me to show it to him. I was clearly getting embarrassed and uncomfortable that he laughed and said, "It's okay. You don't need to be shy." I said, "I hate you," but the rest of my time spent with him showed otherwise. I kept avoiding eye contact but as he walked out he said bye in the happiest voice.

And then I died from embarrassment.

I don't know why — maybe I fear rejection or conflict. I don't show a lot of deeper sides to me and showing that is well . . . awkward. What I already show is real sides to myself but I don't show the entire side of myself. And how vastly different that change of perspective would be? I'm scared of that.

It's . . . How do I do this? I don't know how to do this.


“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” 
― Socrates

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It sounds like you were in love with the teacher lol 

Don't  you worry. Just be open and really, you don't  have to be close to  anyone as this is not the case, but what you actually feel inside, which I bet it has nothing to  do with external circumstances. I don't know if my advice is good but I'm sure there are  a ton of ppl they can  help 

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@WaterfallMachine 

To me it seems like you want a deep connection with someone, but you also want to close yourself of from people. You probably envy relationships, because you have this inner conflict. People want what they can’t have, your inner conflict seems to reflect this to me. You might feel embarrassed by the idea of showing your deeper sides, because you don’t allow yourself to feel what you want to feel in that moment, like if it is a sin to feel.

I think the best thing you can do is to begin with accepting your deeper sides that you are protecting. Your mentor figure seems to accept you for being as he said ‘’shy’’. People fear the unknown, so you probably feel scared, because you aren’t used to showing your deeper side. Remember that a quick fix isn’t going to work, only practise. If I’m correct then I can relate to your feelings, because this was my issue too. To me meditation and learning about the 7 chakras (mainly the sacral and heart chakras) helped me a lot with this.

I hope this helps you.


..

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@WaterfallMachine

I believe @Marinus  has a point. 

I think you need to take a deeper and more open and honest look at yourself. And contemplate more about why you feel the way you do, instead of trying fixing the "problem". 

Understand that your ego is trying to tell you that external affirmation will lead you to where you “need to be”, and that if you believe this to be true, you get desperate and needy.

This is yet another situation where you lost contact with your higher consciousness. And that the idea of “you needing to have a relationship to be happy” just causing you to feel lonely and desperate. Instead:

Strive towards accepting that the idea of life is to not be bound or chained by anything. What you really need, is to sacrifice the comfort of having a relationship in your life entirely.

I still believe sex and relationships will contribute happiness to your life, but only when you fully can see/feel and understand how you don't NEED it.

Good Luck! This is a really hard one. I still struggle with this. 

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Do other people open up to you?If you are not used to opening up, being the one that starts makes the hole thing more difficult.

Start with the small things preferably something fun, I for instance likd this mermaid show when I was a kid. You can make all kinds of jokes when you tell someone something like that, especially if you have the confidence to back it up.

Once you started things gets easier, but don't drop everything at the same time. You can for instance drop the mermaid thing the first time you meet some because it's just something lighthearted you can joke about.

Something slightly more serious the next time, well you get.

 

Edited by Spiral

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@WaterfallMachine Hey, feel your problem in your body. Now let that go. Repeat this until you feel free.

The thing is, you'll never feel satisfied because the problem isn't there to begin with. You're already perfect as you are, and no, this is not a bull-shit new-age belief. The only thing that is there, is an emotional charge/tension block. Release those blocks. All thoughts about the problem are bull-shit.

After you spend minutes/hours/days releasing the pain that you're feeling, you'll feel free - either you'll feel the problem isn't there anymore or that it's fixed.

Edited by Afonso

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