Embarrassing Situation...

[Fuse]

Hi all, I thought I'd write here to get a bit of help for an issue that is taking over my life.

First, some background information on me. I am 19 years old and a guy, almost no friends, no job, no money, addicted to porn and basically a total loser.

The main thing that is crippling me is realizing how addicted I am to porn, and more recently kinky sex chat role play's on sites such as Omegle. I spend the majority of my free time doing this, and I've been doing so for years. The most hilarious part is that I am a virgin with no experience whatsoever with girls (Never even kissed a girl in my entire life). I feel ashamed when I do the things that I just mentioned, it makes me feel disgusting and a bad person. I have tried (Not very hard, I admit) To quit watching porn, and doing weird kinky online roleplay's but I always fall back. When I look at my life as it is right now, I feel like a complete failure because of how much time I have wasted and how "stunted" I feel around people in social situations. I have bad social anxiety, but I have started to understand that it is only nonsense in my mind and shouldn't be taken seriously. Even still, I don't feel normal like I used to when I was a young child. Sometimes I think that I might be a lunatic, but I hope I'm not. 

I think what I'm asking for is advice on how to clean up my life, going by the stuff I have said above. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this. 

 

 

[Space]

@Fuse You gotta take is slow and start implementing one or two new good habits. Don't try to do loads of personal development at once, because you won't succeed. Try to start doing some regular exercise. 20, 15, or even just 10 minutes of running each morning. Make it into a habit. Exercise is great at giving you that extra focus and motivation. That's what I found anyway. Try to clean up your diet as well. You don't have to go too extreme with this. Just cutting out all junk food will make a big difference. 

Clearly you've got to start cutting down on the porn. It's definitely not doing you any good. Download a website blocker and give yourself a limited amount of time on the internet each day. Gradually reduce the amount of time you spend on these sites. You don't have to completely cut it out, but just put in the effort to cut down. Sometimes you've just got to discipline yourself. No one else is gonna do it for you. Try replacing atleast some of the time spent watching porn with other activities like reading, listening to audiobooks, meditating, walking, journaling, watching useful and interesting videos or documentaries.
 

[harisankartj]

@Fuse  1. Meditation is a good first step. Put in practice a daily mediation habit.These videos will help. 

 

IMPORTANT NOTE! :-   Don't overthink anything or be overwhelmed at the "things you have got to do" and just start taking action..even if it is the                                                smallest. BABY STEPS.

 2. Self-acceptance.Watch this one DAILY TILL IT STOPS MAKING YOU FEEL ANYTHING (trust me this will take more time than you think)       

A guided visualisation for self-love - 

 

[ajasatya]

@Fuse congratulations for your sincerity. it's quite rare for someone at your age.

you have to replace that habit with another habit. from my personal experience, i was able to overcome porn by replacing it with assiduous practices and studies of yoga.

i highly recommend yoga. it can change you in very deep ways. search for free yoga events in your town, yoga classes on youtube, yoga books (look for bks iyengar). it's a whole new universe for you to immerse and get out of porn. it takes a while, but if you practice assiduously, your sexual urges will become more and more sparse. for me, it took 6 months.

[Fuse]

Thanks for your input, everyone!

@Space I do a lot of walking, (Don't have a car or anything, parents don't either) But no real strenuous exercise. Diet is quite terrible too, mainly consisting of junk food. I think diet is one of the things in my life that I've never thought about up until now.

@harisankartj I have had a fairly basic meditation habit since November 2016, at 20-30 minutes a day. (Probably not enough time, I know). Thanks for linking those videos up for me too, never thought about self-acceptance so much before.

@ajasatya I would be a complete newbie to yoga, which is fine because I like to try new things. How much of an effect does it have on sexual urges? I don't exactly want to become a celibate monk or anything before I've even lost my virginity. Thanks for the tips. 

[Nahm]

@Fuse You're defining what you are and you're unbelievably catastrophically undeniably shockingly radically inherently WRONG! 

You are God - just like the rest of us. Stop bullshiting and denying it. Your very existence is the act of the expanding universe. YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE. 

Stop saying what you are when it's followed by shit. Fucking garbage man. 

Start saying what you are when it's followed by what echoes inside of you with love and acceptance. So what you like porn?! 

Nobody cares!!!!!!

Get busy listening to some positive affirming shit man!!!!

You got this!!!!!

[ajasatya]

2 hours ago, Fuse said:

How much of an effect does it have on sexual urges?

yoga teaches us to use our sexual energy properly. there's too much energy stuck on the lower part of your body and it makes you feel anxious to release it. that's why porn and masturbation are so appealing.

if your sexual energy is channeled properly, you'll be free from sexual restlessness. you'll be able to develop healthy relationships with women, including genuine friendships. your sexual energy will be used for healing, willpower, compassion, creativity/expression, intuition and transcendence.

you won't lose the sexual drive during moments of intimacy. it's just that the sexual drive will come in the right moments, preventing your from being taken away by useless sexual fantasies when your focus should be somewhere else.

Edited August 15, 2017 by ajasatya

[Fuse]

@Nahm I appreciate your input, not exactly sure what I'm supposed to have been denying bullshitting about though. I'm a bit confused by what you're saying. 

[Nahm]

@Fuse you are saying you have no friends, no money, you're a "total loser" etc. Try to appreciate, for a second, just how powerful your words are. There could be literally nothing at all, instead, there's you having this experience. Does that not blow your mind? The fact that you even are? Can you catch a glimpse of your infinite potential? Just a glimpse? You could be anything! You're only 19! You got to get behind that perspective. Put focus on it. Put energy into it! The world is in disarray man! Your generation is getting handed a broken planet! If I was 19, I'd be fuckin pissed! But I would do something! 

Presidents are killed for their words alone. Nations are freed from words alone. Try to appreciate how powerful your words are. You are creating your life with your perspective, your attitude, your vision, your focus and your words. STOP and take five minutes to hone that power. Grab a piece of paper, start writing what you want- things, adventures, people you want to meet, experiences you want to have, anything. Just snap outta the self pity, and fuckin get angry. Then hone that shit!

[Fuse]

@Nahm You're right. What am I supposed to do about the world being in disarray and being handed a broken planet though? I'm struggling to sort myself out let alone the entire world. Is that what you're saying? I'm probably reading it wrong or just not understanding that part. 

[Nahm]

@Fuse  imagine for a minute, if you are infinite, and could create any experience, what would you create? I'm guessing you're thinking of some kind of paradise.  makes perfect sense to me.   A place where everything is perfect and you want for nothing.   so, great, what about hundreds of millions of years later?   as the infinite,  there is no doubt, no fear, no pain. You could do anything, create any allusion, knowing it's just a story, it's just something to do.  my guesses, eventually, you would do this.  if the world was perfect you would have nothing to do.    yet, the world is perfect, because you can do a lot about it a little about it or nothing at all about it   

 

[Fuse]

@Nahm Oh. Are you saying that I need to create an illusion or something? Like, something to base my life around? 

[ajasatya]

13 minutes ago, Fuse said:

@Nahm Oh. Are you saying that I need to create an illusion or something? Like, something to base my life around? 

it's very important that you find your core values. it took me a while but i found a beautiful post written by @TJ Reeves

 

[Nahm]

@Fuse  it's far more simple than that. Just take out a pen and a piece of paper and start writing down what you want.

[Fuse]

@ajasatya Will finding my core values help with my addiction or is that something I should be doing regardless? 

[ajasatya]

3 hours ago, Fuse said:

Will finding my core values help with my addiction

if your addictions aren't part of your core values, then yes. you have to replace your mental content. you need to give in to learning something new.

[Richard Alpert]

Try to get your diet and nofap on order.

Dont visit online dating sites, porn site or any of that stuff.

I was pretty much of porn, but i still visited dating sites which triggered jerking off from time to time.

I have to admit a year back i thought nofap is bullshit, but it´s not.

If i would have to give to advices to 20 year olds, it would be clean diet and nofap.

If you are going to fap for some reason, dont use images or anything.

[Fuse]

@Richard Alpert I don't even know for sure whether I am addicted to masturbation in general or porn. It's weird because I have always had strong sexual thoughts as far back as I can remember, masturbating compulsively long before I discovered porn. 

[Truth Seekah]

On 8/13/2017 at 7:44 PM, Fuse said:

I feel ashamed when I do the things that I just mentioned, it makes me feel disgusting and a bad person.

first step get rid of the guilt->

second step start no-fap and transmutate energy->

Third step focus on exercise nutrition and meditation for recovery.

[Fuse]

@Truth Seekah Thank you showing me those great videos, really helped me understand this stuff. 

I don't know if this is attached to guilt or anything, but I have this thought always with me that I'm basically screwed. Like, I believe that I'm not allowed to be successful, become great or live a happy life due to all of this stuff I've been doing. I obsess over this, but I tell myself it's just victim mentality or a limiting belief. I almost feel 'tainted' and that any work on myself is a waste of time. It sounds crazy, and I don't honestly think I believe it for real otherwise I wouldn't be here but it makes me feel very depressed and hopeless.