Need Support

[Alex K]

Hi There,

I've been meditating off and on for a year now, I've reached some aims like giving orders of less f regarding most things. My problem is I have no desire to meditate, no desire for truth, no desire for life purpose and I hate the concept itself of life pertaining to some purpose. It all seems not worth it and very hard. I also would not buy drugs, but I'd use them if I would not be afraid of being caught and sent to jail, so basically I do not want the hardship of getting right info, right supplier, learning stuff, etc.. In short this looks like laziness and lack of desire. And I want to want all these things, I've had some minor experiences of unity after meditation during his year and it was beautiful, I've thought about such things my whole life and lots of what I've thought about without any books, matches with some minor insights from Leo and other people, so I do not need to deconstruct anything, I see this absolute infinity as a natural extension of my views throughout my life.

I want to want to experience and be embodiment of this stuff but I just do not have enough desire to do anything. Please help

 

I have symptoms from listening to Leo like:

- He often says things like "I want every spare minute if your life you asking yourself this and that, contemplate this and that", when I hear it I want to puke and never hear him again.

- He often says like "This will take you thousands of hours to start to have a taste of this and that" - removes any shred of desire from me and sends me into some intellectual despair.

So it seems like I'm lazy, ok. But I still have some mindfulness and I observe myself and I just do not understand where does this laziness come from, where are desires suppose to come from, why am I not desiring what I want to desire etc.

Edited August 13, 2017 by Alex K

[WaterfallMachine]

It seems that you're seeing this all as just one sudden thing as if the benefits would come only at the end of it.

The truth is that even the benefits along the way are worth it. I first tried meditation deep in depression and saw worthwhile benefits in a few months. I saw myself getting gradually less easily frustrated. I saw myself slowly becoming more aware of my emotions. I saw myself inch by inch taking more time to be mindful of what I had to do.

When unmotivated, look for the little wins. Often a good practice is to ask how you feel before and after meditation. It won't always be perfect — but whatever change there is, it could allow to continue along the way. Then after some time, you could review how you feel in previous meditations and see how it differs. Often unless you look far back enough, you won't realize how much progress there would be.

People say to move on from the past. But to realize how far you've come — whether it's big or small could be a gift. The more progress comes — know that the farther you've looked back, the farther you could envision what potential there is for the future. 

Take care.

Edited August 13, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[Alex K]

Thanks man, I think I'll start doing the journaling of how do I feel before/after meditation, will try to do each time. I'll also include info on which types of med I've done and how long. Downloading an app  

Edited August 13, 2017 by Alex K

[Leo Gura]

@Alex K It's hard to help a person who lacks desire.

I bet you're just disconnected from yourself and have been brainwashed by culture to such an extent that it's hard to start doing anything but watch TV and the like. If that's the case, you're gonna have to spend some years cleaning yourself up. Like a junkie.

If you start visualizing what you want every day, you'll start to build desire towards it.

Getting started is often the hardest part. It can take a few years to build momentum with personal development. Start with just reading books and journaling about where you want you life to go.

[Loreena]

@Alex K  Could you make a list of your deepest desires and post them here. 

It's rare, probably impossible for one to have no desire at all ? 

There must be something you wish ? 

What is it ? Ask and give feedback here. 

 

 

[Alex K]

@Loreena I just want closure, I'm sick of this everyday flames, I'm sick of stuggling.

@Leo Gura

The problem is if that is true, I do not feel where is the dirt exactly. I think that your exercise of beeing by yourself in an empty room is optimal for me. I can lie down and not fall asleep for an hour thanks to do nothing. Maybe than something shows up. Still this is very taxing on me.

What type of cleanup do you have in mind?

Edited August 13, 2017 by Alex K

[Alex K]

@WaterfallMachine https://www.dharmaoverground.org/dharma-wiki/-/wiki/Main/FrontPage Found this site thanks to your journal. Must say I like how strong you're coming at it all. 

[Key Elements]

@Alex K

Have you tried this exercise? 

Act on your thoughts.

It won't be perfect at first, but don't be disappointed. For example, if your thoughts are telling you to write a book and you only wrote 2 sentences down in the day, that's great! It's better than nothing. If you do 10 sit-ups in the day for exercise, that's also better than nothing. Doing something is better than doing nothing.

The point is, if you're trying to reach a goal, it gradually builds up on a daily basis. No one can do it in one day.

[How to be wise]

10 hours ago, Alex K said:

Hi There,

I've been meditating off and on for a year now, I've reached some aims like giving orders of less f regarding most things. My problem is I have no desire to meditate, no desire for truth, no desire for life purpose and I hate the concept itself of life pertaining to some purpose. It all seems not worth it and very hard. I also would not buy drugs, but I'd use them if I would not be afraid of being caught and sent to jail, so basically I do not want the hardship of getting right info, right supplier, learning stuff, etc.. In short this looks like laziness and lack of desire. And I want to want all these things, I've had some minor experiences of unity after meditation during his year and it was beautiful, I've thought about such things my whole life and lots of what I've thought about without any books, matches with some minor insights from Leo and other people, so I do not need to deconstruct anything, I see this absolute infinity as a natural extension of my views throughout my life.

I want to want to experience and be embodiment of this stuff but I just do not have enough desire to do anything. Please help

 

I have symptoms from listening to Leo like:

- He often says things like "I want every spare minute if your life you asking yourself this and that, contemplate this and that", when I hear it I want to puke and never hear him again.

- He often says like "This will take you thousands of hours to start to have a taste of this and that" - removes any shred of desire from me and sends me into some intellectual despair.

So it seems like I'm lazy, ok. But I still have some mindfulness and I observe myself and I just do not understand where does this laziness come from, where are desires suppose to come from, why am I not desiring what I want to desire etc.

I've been there as well. It's just a lack of motivation. What I found helps is to watch documentaries of other extremely enlightened people. Personally, what inspired me the most is the book 'a thousand names for joy' by Byron Katie, where she talks about her life after enlightenment. She describes the unbelievable joy she has with very mundane things, and how she loves every aspect of life, even the things that we would consider 'bad'. When I finished that book, I started enlightenment work straight away, because I wanted to live like that as well. Really recommend it.  But the point is, find someone who will inspire you to do the work. I can guarantee you that all successful people where inspired deeply by successful people before them.

Edited August 13, 2017 by How to be wise

[youngshinzen]

@Alex K If it does not get better with using techniques, you should try to get some psychedelics. There will be a huge gap between the experience and your everyday life, which creates a tension between the two. I just had one trip 4 years ago and it still motivates me to a very high degree.

[Alex K]

Thank you guys, Ill try out your advice, Ive learned yesterday that al lad actually is not prohibited in most countries and mine as well it seems.