Vipassana: Freedom From Conditioning Through Awareness?

[MiracleMan]

In my practice thus far I've come to a point where I've realized how divided my mind is.  In one voice there is a thought: a statement or question.  The other voice answers.  I know it's the same voice, but there is a lot of back and forth, more simply put one says "yes" the other says "no" and I'm really starting to feel how much this poisons me.  But I've been doing this for years, and in fact I learned this as a kid during formative years.  So my conditioning has been to function in this way, albeit a form of protection, maybe the greater pull of the divide being a parent like figure, the other being a child of sorts.

This was a very toxic, but I never truly realized this was the dynamic.  I began to become afraid of continuing Vipassana, there is still some fear and resistance in here, because a lot of stuff was surfacing.  I sort of had another insight further down, where I was reading the posts of others and how they were having hard times with Vipassana, and all of the sudden it seemed too dramatic to me.  They carried a lot of pain I could tell from the post, but I realized we were doing the same thing.  I was dramatizing my own practice, creating more pain for myself by scaring myself.  I've continued with Vipassana but cautioned only with not taking it so seriously, not digging around for things, just dealing with pain as it arises.

Does early childhood conditioning and neurtoic behaviors become more diminished as awareness increases? 

[How to be wise]

8 hours ago, MiracleMan said:

In my practice thus far I've come to a point where I've realized how divided my mind is.  In one voice there is a thought: a statement or question.  The other voice answers.  I know it's the same voice, but there is a lot of back and forth, more simply put one says "yes" the other says "no" and I'm really starting to feel how much this poisons me.  But I've been doing this for years, and in fact I learned this as a kid during formative years.  So my conditioning has been to function in this way, albeit a form of protection, maybe the greater pull of the divide being a parent like figure, the other being a child of sorts.

This was a very toxic, but I never truly realized this was the dynamic.  I began to become afraid of continuing Vipassana, there is still some fear and resistance in here, because a lot of stuff was surfacing.  I sort of had another insight further down, where I was reading the posts of others and how they were having hard times with Vipassana, and all of the sudden it seemed too dramatic to me.  They carried a lot of pain I could tell from the post, but I realized we were doing the same thing.  I was dramatizing my own practice, creating more pain for myself by scaring myself.  I've continued with Vipassana but cautioned only with not taking it so seriously, not digging around for things, just dealing with pain as it arises.

Does early childhood conditioning and neurtoic behaviors become more diminished as awareness increases? 

Meditation resurfaces and works through your old preconceived beliefs and thoughts, so you can think of this as the psychy cleaning itself up.