I Am Afraid Of Ego Death.

[Nahm]

@MiracleMan I used to have back pain until I learned that sugar enflames back muscles. Sugar also leads to depression, dissatisfaction, weight gain - thus causing confidence issues - all culminating in a general negative outlook of one's future, and thus fear arises from an illusion of uncertainty / illusion that something other than the sugar is behind it.  That was just my experience. I went sugar free years ago, and I don't miss it one bit. Now, instead, I'm addicted to being and dreaming and sort of just fucking kicking ass and being awesome to people in general. 

Edited August 12, 2017 by Nahm

[ajasatya]

48 minutes ago, MiracleMan said:

Any advice you can give me or OP to look out for or be careful about when these things arise?

it depends on how deep you've gone. @harisankartj is having a hard time to function due to his existential anguish so the only option is to face it for once. if you can touch the fear slowly and get gradually accustomed to it as you are able to function and feed the body and pay the bills normally, that'd be the best approach for you.

[ajasatya]

9 hours ago, harisankartj said:

@Nahm haha... relief to hear that it's not just me.

@ajasatya  Dude.......   :"D

there's no need for forceful masculinity. let your heart bloom.

[harisankartj]

45 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

there's no need for forceful masculinity. let your heart bloom.

 

[harisankartj]

2 hours ago, MiracleMan said:

Any advice you can give me or OP to look out for or be careful about when these things arise?  Mainly fear.  Sometimes in my practice I get such an insane amount of fear, which moves to terror, sometimes it feels like a demonic presence.  I know it isn't real, but it feels real, my body has a lot of physical pain and reactions, lots of muscle spasms in my legs, lots of pain in the lower back, pretty much daily.  The pain is around everyday but the fear comes up occasionally, and I have trouble dealing with it.  Ego death seems like the top of the mountain and I'm in an impossible valley.

I feel what you say man. One night I was alone in my room at ...idk midnight... and I was you know being mindful of myself when suddenly the whole night started to feel like a horror movie. My insides started shivering for no reason and needless to say there was a lot of fear. I tried to ignore it but wouldn't go away. I even saw a vague black presence going by which just freezed me. I still don't know how I got through that night. I have never again felt that kinda fear till recently when I did self-inquiry and fear was triggered for seemingly no good reason. I immediately got up and distracted myself.I need to go back to it.

 

I can't give you any suggestions man since I am more or less in the same place as you are. Listen to the advice of other members, and keep working at it slowly . Good luck!

[jse]

On 11/08/2017 at 8:06 PM, harisankartj said:

I Am Afraid Of Ego Death.

Allow me to rephrase that statement:

"The ego is afraid of ego death."

Or:

Something that appears real but in reality is illusory, is afraid of non-existence.
 

This message from Paul Hedderman will help you:

 

[harisankartj]

13 hours ago, jse said:

Allow me to rephrase that statement:

"The ego is afraid of ego death."

Or:

Something that appears real but in reality is illusory, is afraid of non-existence.
 

This message from Paul Hedderman will help you:

Thanks man. I am watching the video right now.

[Haumea]

Quote

But if I go through ego death I am afraid will i be motivated to "do anything".Will i be able to navigate through society ? Should I renounce life, become a monk and leave this "physical world". Or should I make up "a life purpose" to feel some sense of activity? I feel so depersonalized and confused . Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

I've now had close to a week of ego death experience (the orienting center point that the ego needs to exist could not be found, it was diffused into a small mass of emptyness) in total.  It's really not that different in terms of activity from having an ego in my experience.  The difference is (1) you're not identifying with any of the action, it feels spontaneous, and as a consequence of that (2) the self-consciousness that existed in the ego state is gone, so all kinds of thoughts, positive, negative, indifferent happen as before, but there's no ego to get sucked into their narrative.  You're not drowning in them, there's a dam rerouting them.

So I don't think there's anything to be afraid of.  Your body goes on as before.  Motivations are largely a consequence of physical processes: fears, desires, needs, etc.  If you had them before there's no reason you should lose them.

Another benefit of ego death that many people are unaware of is that you can't really process some of your psychological issues until you reach the initial stages of enlightenment (i.e. localized no-self and cosmic self.)  This is supposedly when a lot of purification occurs, and people act out.  Leo has a video on Zen Devils -  I think that's an example of this phenomenon.  Fortunately, unless you're in a position of power over people, you are not likely to make a mess of things.