I Am Afraid Of Ego Death.

[harisankartj]

But it seems that nowadays NOTHING is satisfying for me ... NOTHING. I don't want to die . I am afraid of how i will relate to the people around me and with the world. I am feeling more distant and unable to "dominate " social interactions. The point of having friends seems like escapism. But if I go through ego death I am afraid will i be motivated to "do anything".Will i be able to navigate through society ? Should I renounce life, become a monk and leave this "physical world". Or should I make up "a life purpose" to feel some sense of activity? I feel so depersonalized and confused . Any advice will be greatly appreciated. 

 

I underestimated enlightenment.

[Max_V]

I feel the same way, It is scary as fk

Even though it is so overwhelming, keep pondering who is it is that  is experiencing it. This will make you do a 180 and focus on awareness rather than the object

Awareness will go back resting in its own stillness

 

[cetus]

@harisankartj Ego death is the humbling of the self. If anything you would become more of a servant to the world in one form or another. And for the proper cause. For some that maybe for the first time in their life because they now see things from an awakened perspective. Before ego death they may have only viewed the world through the eyes of their ego and that was their only real motivation. You know what I mean?- that "what's in it for me" perspective of the world.

[harisankartj]

@Max_V What I am actually afraid of is how " I " will function in the world after ego death . I used to think of ego death as "oh my thoughts will stop i will stop being selfish and through that i will be completely fulfilled " . I didn't expect ego death to be so " literal " as fuck. 

The embodiment and re-contextualizing of direct experience is the confusing and scary part . I  feel social interaction "gets in the way " of re-contextualizing reality.

[harisankartj]

@cetus56  Yeah true but  when I was alone and going really into the now..... DAMN it feels like  i will literally die. I felt like an old man who was at the end of his life ... but the difference is I didn't want to die . 

1 minute ago, cetus56 said:

Ego death is the humbling of the self. If anything you would become more of a servant to the world in one form or another. And for the proper cause.

 I always had this perception of "I am a humble guy" but in the end it all was directed towards ME. I cannot understand how life after ego death functions. Will I even be motivated to eat ...?After ego death what will drive me to do anything in life ..?

 

 

 

Edited August 11, 2017 by harisankartj

[cetus]

@harisankartj No you won't die. Your glimpsing through the illusion of the ego and the ego is fighting back by defending it's territory by causing resistance. You'll laugh when you see through it all, guaranteed!

But life still goes on. And it's not like ego completely disappears overnight anyway. Even after an awakening you have lots of "shadow work' to do.  And something always remains of the self too but it's seen just a tool to use when needed but not the master of it's domain.

Humble is good. This does take surrender. Surrender and having trust in something much bigger than you will pull you through.

[nightrider1435]

I know what you mean when you say nothing feels satisfying anymore. You find yourself deep enough in this work and you get the "what did I get myself into feeling". These all are just stories of your mind, they can feel very scary and real. At this point trust is important, you just have to trust the process. I've always had this intuitive feeling that everything will be good in the long run, and I trust in that, it makes me feel comfortable.

[harisankartj]

@cetus56  I'm hoping you are right in that I won't die. 

@nightrider1435  Looks like I have to develop that intuitive trust.

[ajasatya]

@harisankartj then go meditate and try to stop existence. get it over with already. you don't have to label yourself as a "monk" for that. you can just sit down and do it right now.

if you try to escape this task, anxiety will grow stronger. you've reached a point of no return.

[cetus]

1 hour ago, harisankartj said:

@cetus56  I'm hoping you are right in that I won't die.

The silliest part is, it's all an illusion. Like Pavlov's dog salivating over non existent food at the sound of a bell.

[SOUL]

It's not really a death in the way it's typically understood, the ego just doesn't want to lose it's dominance over awareness so it creates the perception of a "death" to influence us into not restoring it to the natural and less prominent role in our consciousness. This lesser role in our consciousness is an unsatisfactory state for the ego compared to what it craves so this may be where the dissatisfaction you are experiencing could be coming from.

Edited August 11, 2017 by SOUL

[Nahm]

@harisankartj You are afraid of ego death because you have a huge fucking ego! LMFAO! Who try's to "dominate" conversations when the universe is infinite and there for anything you want to create?!?! Who does that????? The guy who's gonna die, that's who. 

What lives on, is co-creating with other people. Not mind fucking arm wrestling them like an alligator. Loving them. Witnessing how unfathomably beautiful every human being is. When your ego fully dies, you see that all is You. You created you, you created those people that you dominated, and out smarted. It's ok though, cause it's all an illusion, you'll see. It's inevitable for you now. It never wasn't.

Love yourself, forgive yourself, pray to them, apologize and wish them everything in their wildest dream - within you. In reality, all this is actually taking place, within You. 

I love you. I want to create things with you. Infinitity is our clay. Let the ego die, and your competitive world simply becomes a playground of your dreams. And then THEY START FUCKING COMING TRUE!

 

 

[harisankartj]

@SOUL

1 hour ago, SOUL said:

 This lesser role in our consciousness is an unsatisfactory state for the ego compared to what it craves so this may be where the dissatisfaction you are experiencing could be coming from.

OMG That's sooo truee...

@Nahm When I said "dominate" social interactions I didn't mean manipulate them and satisfy my selfish needs, I just meant that I couldn't manage the "speech and body language chemistry" with anyone. I noticed that it was my ego trying to fake enlightenment and exist as a conceptual nothing. So yeah I do have a big ego that needs to be ridden away with.

46 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I love you

Woah that is the first time anyone has ever actually told me that .... thank you...??? (This is getting weird. I'm just gonna go have an ego death)

[Nahm]

@harisankartj trust me man- I had the biggest ego of them all!!! I was soooooooo smart!! LOL!  Godspeed my friend!!!! You can love everything - you'll never run out of love!!

[ajasatya]

@harisankartj i love you too

[harisankartj]

@Nahm haha... relief to hear that it's not just me.

@ajasatya  Dude.......   :"D

 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2017 by harisankartj

[Nahm]

❤️

 

[MiracleMan]

I thought ego death was just a term, not literally meaning death.  Is it really that dramatic?  Does it have to be that dramatic?  How can you have NO ego at all?  I always thought that through enlightenement the ego was diminished in its power over the self, rather more integrated and used when needed?

Edited August 12, 2017 by MiracleMan
Clarity

[ajasatya]

@MiracleMan it does feel physical. it feels like you have to let go of EVERYTHING. not as a meditative practice, but for real.

[MiracleMan]

Just now, ajasatya said:

@MiracleMan it does feel physical. it feels like you have to let go of EVERYTHING. not as a meditative practice, but for real.

Any advice you can give me or OP to look out for or be careful about when these things arise?  Mainly fear.  Sometimes in my practice I get such an insane amount of fear, which moves to terror, sometimes it feels like a demonic presence.  I know it isn't real, but it feels real, my body has a lot of physical pain and reactions, lots of muscle spasms in my legs, lots of pain in the lower back, pretty much daily.  The pain is around everyday but the fear comes up occasionally, and I have trouble dealing with it.  Ego death seems like the top of the mountain and I'm in an impossible valley.