Intense Mushroom Trip - 3.6g

[MsNobody]

That  was my third time taking mushrooms but I consider this trip to be the first one since the others were not intense/profound.

About me: female 27yo

Dosage: 3.6g of cubensis

Ingestion: Just ate them at 2:30pm, lasted for 7 hours

Set and setting: Cleaned the whole house and my mind, was by myself

The mushrooms were so strong that 5 min after I was feeling nausea and that strong feeling in the back of my head, I knew it would be an intense trip, so I lay down, closed my eyes and let the mushroom work one me, I was really calm and thought to myself “it’s going to be EASY I’ll just lay here and that is it, nothing bad can happen” haha lIttle did I know that I would walk, crawl and drag like a creature everywhere around the house.

My intention initially was to experience truth, but as I found out during the trip it gave me what I needed not what I wanted, and in a certain way I experienced truth through my ego deaths haha

Given that that there were moments I was unconscious, or my mind was enable to understand what was going on, the organization of this post is a little messy, I would go in those trances/ ego deaths and when back I would feel terrible, my ego would try to understand the situation and punish my body.

EGO CHILD: I NOW can totally understand when people say mushrooms can be wild and dirty, I was not a civilized human being at all, I felt like I was a creature, a monkey, a jaguar, something like that, the way I seated and the way I took my clothes off, it was like this creature was mad at me for the way I’ve been living my life, “what is all this crap you wear and put in your body?” and even more interesting was that my ego is the one who dress formally, eat with fork and knife, walk with classy but inside, the mind, is rotten, with all the garbage, TV, social media, bad eating, toxic people around, not caring enough about environment (I’m not a bad person at all but I have the feeling that I could be doing much more for the world, and that was shown to me) so I was the creature and besides free of clothes and all the manners the mind of this creature was much more intelligent, wise, prudent and solid. How much I hide behind the mask of society. I remember asking the meaning of life, and haha nature has humor, first it appeared the symbol of infinite, and behind the symbol it started showing two kids in a seesaw hahaha it’s fucking meaningless!!! Also, I had this vision that I was running after this person holding the secret of life, and whenever I got close to it, the person holding it, would throw it to another one, laughing at my foolishness and seriousness about it.

NATURE: So talking about nature, I was shown how to heal my body too, not only with mushrooms but through food and nature, I had this insight that the more time I spend is nature the more my body functions perfectly, it’s like being close to nature, my body gets lost in it and it heals itself, like nature is teaching my body through just watching and being around it. I have been feeling shitty the last days, cause I have PCOS, its a health problem that affects women, my whole life I’ve been going to doctors and all they recommend me is antibiotics and birth control pills, the insight was that nature can provide me with all that I need, I dont need to intoxicate my body with pharmaceutical drugs, so I’m thinking about joining a shamanic group in my area and tomorrow Im gonna go to a Wiccan ritual. Man this was so perfect, the mushrooms really said to me “its time for you to trust nature with closed eyes” and it makes so much sense.

DARKNESS: The darkness, that was deep, so this mask of society where I only show what I consider to be the good parts of myself, what is beautiful, and repress all that I consider ugly or bad, seeing myself as a whole, my bad parts, my darkness, my desires, wilderness, it wants to manifest itself the same way I’ve been showing my qualities, the ego is the one separating bad/good, wrong/right, beautiful/ugly, and my higher self was REALLY mad for my inauthenticity to please people, be a civilized human.. it reminded me the quote from Jung, “No tree, its said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell”, shadow work and diving in my darkness is needed right now.

SELF LOVE: I saw how much I needed love, some really old memories were brought to me, about my childhood, past relationships, things I didnt even remember when sober, but I had to face them, one by one, I couldnt ignore or turn my face away, it was rubbed in my face. Every time my higher self showed me how I really am instead of what I think I am, my ego complained like a child, and my faces were grumpy like a child “It wasn't me” haha I remember when Matt Kahn said, the ego is not a bad thing, is like a wild child, and we need to treat it as such, teaching like we do with a child, with love and patience, cause it will be always there until we die, I guess enlightened people still have their egos, but they educated it and are not controlled by it (correct me if I’m wrong)

JUDGEMENT: I love talking, AND studying about self development, the more I create “my understanding” and the more solid this understanding gets, the more I fall in the trap of judging others, especially people who are afraid of consciousness work, so the way mushroom showed me how bad is my TALKING, was like that, it shut my mouth, simple like that haha I wasn’t able to open my mouth for a long time  (I had no sense of time but it felt like eternity) and in the beginning I couldn’t understand why my mouth was blocked, and the more I ignored that is because I use my voice for judgement and shit, the more my jaws was pressed against each other, I felt like I was gonna swallow by chin, and later my head, it didnt gave up until I got my lesson, listen more, talks less, if I decide to speak, do it consciously.

EXORCISM: The peak of the experience, my body was freaking out with the amount of energy, maybe blocks I have inside it, so I started walking around the house, and ended up in the bathroom, I seated there for I don’t know how long, but it was the most intense experience of my life, it felt like an exorcism, there were sounds coming out of my mouth that I’ve never heard before, like an animal, I guess those noises were energy that needed to get out, I have this traumatic memory of the peak where the more the energy was getting out of my body the more noises I made, it was hard to breath, my face was glued to the floor and I was kind of unconscious, drooling, but man, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, seeing for what it is it was ugly and disgusting, but it showed me how strong I am and how much more I’m capable of, not only taking more mushrooms but also growth, there is no limit for growth for human beings, we just aim to the sky and go on forever, most people find it hard (and a negative point) the fact we need to work on ourselves for the rest of our lives, but that is exactly what I find to be the most fascinating and motivating thing of all, that IS life.

LOVE: love, love, love the biggest lesson, what I and the world need is LOVE, when people talk to me I dont need to judge them, every fucking person needs love, from themselves especially and from others, its hard for us to admit that but its the truth, so I realized I’ve been thinking with my mind and not my heart, its cliche, and obvious to say that, I’m a right brain person, really emotional, creative and heart centered, but I’ve been reading like crazy and studying all of that, I’m not saying that is not useful, I have a high level of curiosity about reality and consciousness work, but my heart is my center, that was my big AHA moment, LOVE is free of judgements, LOVE is not right or wrong, it just IS, it’s infinite, it’s our true nature, the more we give the more we have, I can only love others through loving myself unconditionally and I haven’t been a loving person lately (cause I lack self love) my mind is always trying to understand and see the logic in everything and everyone. I decided from now on to just embrace and accept the mysteries of life, keep my curiosity alive but be aware that I don’t need to understand everything to have a fulfilled life, it reminded me of Matt Kahn  “You are the creator of it all, and you don’t remember creating because it was created before memory was imagined.” Also Einstein said in his poem Never lose a holy curiosity “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day. The insight was relieving, it’s fine to do not understand how reality works and I don’t need to be obsessed by it like I’ve been.

AFTERMATH: My trip itself was not pleasant or enjoyable at all, but I see the beauty in it, love is everywhere, even in the ugliest things, so I’m really happy with what I got out of it, I’m planning on working with mushrooms more often, maybe once or twice per month, in spite of my ego not being happy (I had a hard time today) I feel like I just grasped a tiny bit of what mushrooms really can do and I’m excited for more.

I’m looking for documentaries, videos or even books about mushrooms and its healing power. I found this one below and would be really happy if you guys could share some of your sources with me.

Thank you if you made it to the end

Much Love

miss nobody

https://londonreal.tv/dennis-mckenna-the-screaming-abyss/

Here is a beautiful and powerful Matt video

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ccKFHH2Zi8&list=PLK7N8jqtdcK7uq0tCxQDo9--WOhtteoX_&index=21

 

[Leo Gura]

Good work.

Your next trip should be smoother, allowing you to go deeper. All that shadow work stuff is you purifying your ego so that you can drop your personal baggage and really go full-on existential.

Some people have a lot of shadow work to do. Keep at it. It will get better at some point. And then the real magic will start to happen.

Mushrooms are good, but they are wild and chaotic. You might also want to consider AL-LAD or LSD. They are easier to make sense of.

[Guest username]

@MsNobody Is that the same Matt video you wanted to show me?

[MsNobody]

@username No, this is the video!

 

@Leo Gura I tried them too, but it seems my tolerance is lower with mushrooms, it was much more intense than LSD or ALLAD (with those my mind get stuck in creative mode and distracts myself from the inner work), I'll keep working with them, lets see how it goes, thanks for your feedback!

[Bebop]

@MsNobody Awesome report!

On 8/9/2017 at 3:27 AM, MsNobody said:

LOVE: love, love, love the biggest lesson, what I and the world need is LOVE, when people talk to me I dont need to judge them, every fucking person needs love, from themselves especially and from others, its hard for us to admit that but its the truth, so I realized I’ve been thinking with my mind and not my heart, its cliche, and obvious to say that, I’m a right brain person, really emotional, creative and heart centered, but I’ve been reading like crazy and studying all of that, I’m not saying that is not useful, I have a high level of curiosity about reality and consciousness work, but my heart is my center, that was my big AHA moment, LOVE is free of judgements, LOVE is not right or wrong, it just IS, it’s infinite, it’s our true nature, the more we give the more we have

So true! I remember a year ago my therapist kept trying to explain this to me and I wasn't getting it. Over and over again she kept telling me I can't grasp this with my mind, and I was getting really frustrated and confused. Eventually after a few unintentional encounters with edibles (the universe works in mysterious and creative ways) I had to surrender and accept that it's logically impossible to ever understand it with the human mind. All I was doing was mental masturbation, although without all of the theory I probably wouldn't have understood the experiences. It pretty much told me it loved me but it also just laughed at me for trying so hard and not trusting in its infinite wisdom

 

On 8/9/2017 at 3:27 AM, MsNobody said:

I can only love others through loving myself unconditionally and I haven’t been a loving person lately (cause I lack self love) my mind is always trying to understand and see the logic in everything and everyone.

I think Rumi says it best "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find barriers within yourself that you have built against it."


I saw that you posted a video of Dennis Mckenna so I assume you are familiar with Terrence Mckenna? He's one of my favorite people to listen to

 

[youngshinzen]

@MsNobody That really inspired me, especially the part with nature being a teacher. That's something Wim Hof talks about a lot, but he tends to repeat the same phrases over and over again, which gives me the feeling of him being too unconscious while talking. But hearing this from you or a source of higher thinking is much more acceptable for me :-) Thanks for sharing!

[pluto]

Beautiful <3

[phoenix666]

so beautiful and inspiring <3 specially the part with the creature, rotten in the inside and walking around with a classy mask in society. Also the part about love... I read it again and again and I understand it on a logical manner. But I don't really feel it, maybe I am not ready because I don't fully love myself..yet. That love everyone talks about is something I still have to experience.

Thanks for your wonderful insights