Overcoming issues with verbal expression

[electroBeam]

When socializing, its very important to express yourself well. From my experience, half of the meaning in communication is physical expression. I have a series of problems, including:

- stuttering

- pausing for long periods of time, because I have issues with finding the right words to say.

- muddling up my words

While these problems may seem small, expression can catastrophically impact the influence within a date, the person may be turned off by it.

The second half of the issue I have with verbal expression is my knowledge field(that Leo talks about in his latest video) is radically different to everyone elses, because I am a very weird person, which interests that are rarely shared with others. This leads me to interpret things said by someone on a date incorrectly(take things the wrong way) and generally be very awkward on a date.

Are there any specific tips I can take to overcome these issues?

Sorry for the overwhelming list of problems, I have researched extensively and found little help on this issue

 

 

 

 

 

[Ayla]

I think that the underlying issue of all this is self esteem. 

I was "the weirdo" too in my teens... and I wish someone told me this: " you only need ONE date " 

What I mean is, maybe start by getting off the pressure of being liked by everyone. You only need one girl to like you, right? If it's not the one in front of you, OK - NEXT !

I am absolutely positive that if you embrace all of what you currently see as problematic, the Universe will send your way a girl that is fascinated by exactly that quirkiness  

[electroBeam]

thankyou Ayla for your advice, I do have neg thoughts of boringness and weirdoness so it could be

Edited February 7, 2016 by electroBeam

[Jose]

Yeah Like Ayla said, just one. Not only that but being comfortable with who you are will turn your insecurities into things that make you unique and special.

I used to have a bad acne problem and I still have some, but it was not until I figured out that it doesn't define who I am that I started dating and then it instantly didn't matter. Everyone has insecurities, just feed your passions and soon those will become the highlight of your personality and allow you to express yourself well. 

[Olafur Thorsteinsson]

Yes I thing self-esteem is realy important, and also it is attractive to girls. I recomand you read "The six pillars of self-esteem".

I also have the same problems and I am working on them.

Socializing often is the key.  "The key to success is practice, practice, practice" Quote for Leo Gura.

I had a insight this week in to my social skills. It that I am negativly motivated when I am socializing.

Example with the negative motivation: "I meat a girl that I am realy attracted to and I start talking to her, but I am worried about that she will think negatvily about me, and think that I am some kind of a weirdo that has no confidence. I tell her a stroy in a way so she will find it funny, or at least so she does not think that I am weird. So the only think that I am doing is worring about that, and trying to find things to say to deffend myself from her thinking that I am a weirdo , or some kind of jerk".

Now I am more focusing on being positive motivated wisch is somethig like this: "I meat a friend and I start to talk to him. I want to have fun, so I focus on enjoying myself with him. I tell him a story in a way that is funny to me. I tell him from a interesting thing that I heard of witch is meditation and I tell him from meditation in a way that sounds interesting to me. if I do not have anything to say, than I do not have anything to say, and I don't try to find anything to say unless it is boing to me and then I start to find some thing to say that is funny to me. So what I am doing is I am thinging about having funn for myself, and having this convertation interesting for myself"

the prinsable her is "you have to find it funny first before you say/do it in order for the other person to find it funny. You have to find it interesting before you say/do in order for the other person to find it interesting". this is the rule of thumb.

I don't think the one girl will help you much. Some times it works, sometimes not.

if you look at the percent of divorces, then you will see that they are 50%

What I am curently doing is pick up (I live in a 700 people town now, so I realy can't hahahaha. But I am going to move to a big city soon and there I can practice my social skils batter). Pick up is the Best way that I have found to batter the social skills, get rid of social anxiety and for me to find the woman of my dreams. It have experienced so mutch growth and fast growth from it, so I can't other that highly recomand it to you.

But be careful, you have to do pick up with a lot of responsability.

My goal is to move to Las Vagas for 2-4 years to practice my social skills and to have fun.

P.S. Leo also did pick up for some years and experienced a lot of growth. He said that the pick up gave him the most growth that he had goten.

 

[the dream]

You should look into the speech training given to actors and singers. You could also look into non-verbal communication aswell.

As people already have mentioned self-esteem I will suggest breathing exercises to keep yo' cool when ya be shittin brix.

[Ricksta]

Dear electroBeam

Stuttering, pausing and muddling words - got it. Next problem is the knowledge field.

Thank the good Lord that your "knowledge field" is different! Imagine how boring it would be if everyone had the same damn "knowledge field"! There really would be nothing to talk about. Bro, everyone is different and have a different set of experiences, revel in this and dive in deep to find out what other people are all about. Find out about their passions, likes, dislikes, things they do on a daily basis (things they do when nobody is watching...), how they view love and work and all things related to the world. Trust me, finding someone with the same field of knowledge as you would probably freak you out lol (apologies for the tongue in cheek reply).

May I suggest that the stuttering etc. is actually a verbal expression problem, as opposed to a physical expression problem. Physical expression I would link more to body language, while your problem seems to lie more in the verbal field. I challenge you to do the following:

1) Before going on a date with a betty hit her up on whatsapp and your first line must be:"I stutter, pause inappropriately and muddle up my words".

2) While you are on the date one of your first jokes can be to remind her that you do this and then do it deliberately to demonstrate to her. With a wry smile on your face say to her:"Look!! I'm going to demonstrate an inappropriate silence, coupled with a stalker stare :::)

I'm hoping you see where I'm going with this. Take the tension out of the situation by bringing it up and mixing it with humour. That way you don't have to spend hidden energy to monitor your conversation, you don't have to beat yourself up when it inevitably happens and lastly as time progresses you will find that stopping the effort to try and control your verbal expression, will ironically lead you to a point where you will one day simply realise that you have overcome the issue, without even trying to. Loosen up your belt buckle and let go, I hope you noticed that I muddled up the order of your problems