Need For Love

[Max_V]

I've always felt this neurotic need inside of me to have someone that loves me. Now that I am getting to the end of my teen years this feeling is getting intenser. With meditation and deep looking what I've discovered is that I want this love from someone else because I don't feel love for myself.

Whenever I see a beautiful girl smile at me, I get so attached that I feel sad and depressed after she passes because I know I will probably never see her again. That makes me feel alone and sepperated. I just want someone to hug with, share amazing experiences with and be happy with. 

Never has it felt this intense for me, it is hurting not only emotionaly, but also physiologically. Primarily aches in my chest and my belly

How to cultivate love within myself, so I can become more self accepting and loving?

This is something very close to me.

Thanks everyone,

Max

Edited August 6, 2017 by Max_V

[ajasatya]

i implemented the habit of hugging and making deep eye contact with everyone i meet and talk with. men, women, younger, older. i don't care if it gets awkward.

find centers of holistic practices near you. free your innocent child.

Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:3)

[Shin]

Go deeper into the pain, feel it in its entirety.

Don't escape it, look at it directly, confront it.

With time, it will dissolve by itself.

 

 

Edited August 6, 2017 by Shin

[aurum]

7 hours ago, Max_V said:

I've always felt this neurotic need inside of me to have someone that loves me. Now that I am getting to the end of my teen years this feeling is getting intenser. With meditation and deep looking what I've discovered is that I want this love from someone else because I don't feel love for myself.

Whenever I see a beautiful girl smile at me, I get so attached that I feel sad and depressed after she passes because I know I will probably never see her again. That makes me feel alone and sepperated. I just want someone to hug with, share amazing experiences with and be happy with. 

Never has it felt this intense for me, it is hurting not only emotionaly, but also physiologically. Primarily aches in my chest and my belly

How to cultivate love within myself, so I can become more self accepting and loving?

This is something very close to me.

Thanks everyone,

Max

You could definitely do things like meditation or yoga. But how about also actually meeting a real girl? Might not be so crazy.

[Loreena]

This is really not a neurotic need. 

It's natural to want to feel loved and belonged. The only difficulty is the attachment. When you get too attached to someone, it can even become an addiction. 

Go and find a girl for yourself. 

Make friends. 

Get connected.

[Toby]

11 hours ago, ajasatya said:

i implemented the habit of hugging and making deep eye contact with everyone i meet and talk with. men, women, younger, older. i don't care if it gets awkward.

so you don't even care to read people's signals and respect if they are not open to your eye contact and hugging?

Regarding the topic I found that https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307345300/ as audiobook helpful for me.

[Erlend K]

The need to feel loved is one of our most fundamental psychological needs, if you try to fight this need you will either lose and end up frustrated, or end up "winning" by supressing it, which will eventually lead to emotional issues in the long term. It's better to embrace this need as a part of the human condition, and deal with it. 

[Max_V]

@Loreena Isn't it so that girls don't look for guys that can't love themselves?

I'm also quite a shy dude, so it's pretty hard for me to talk to every girl I just meet. After summer vacation I'm going to my new school, that might be a good possibility for me to learn to socialize better.

@aurum Yes I'd really like to. Haven't tried any other way then through school though

Edited August 7, 2017 by Max_V

[Loreena]

47 minutes ago, Max_V said:

@Loreena Isn't it so that girls don't look for guys that can't love themselves?I'm also quite a shy dude, so it's pretty hard for me to talk to every girl I just meet. After 

@Max_V

It's ok. Girls will like you anyway if you like them. Girls are sensitive and they have a greater need for love and attachment than guys. To be honest, guys like you are rare, who are searching for love. Most guys look for getting laid and they just want to feel good for the moment and pat themselves for getting a catch. Guys generally don't feel so alone because they have many guy friends to fill up their time. A girl is just another accessory. 

They might look non needy and detached but eventually the girl gets fed up if he isn't paying attention. So some neediness is needed.Gotta make her feel belonged. 

How much love you receive from her depends on how much you can give her. Give her what she needs and she will be with you. 

[Max_V]

@Loreena Thanks that gives me some hope 

[ajasatya]

6 hours ago, Toby said:

so you don't even care to read people's signals and respect if they are not open to your eye contact and hugging?

nah. it's kinda funny (and healthy) actually. as time goes by and i persist on my practice, people start to give in and enjoy doing it too. and there's even a smaller group of people who don't hug or make eye contact with anyone else but me. they say that being in my company is a big relief for them. that wouldn't have happened if i hadn't persisted through their resistances. i work towards encouraging them to practice it with others as well... not just me.

[Deep]

@ajasatya That's awesome! I was at a restaurant the other day and there was a couple sitting to the left of me. They were just staring at their phones the whole time. I think technology has hindered people's social skills. 

[ajasatya]

1 minute ago, Deep said:

@ajasatya That's awesome! I was at a restaurant the other day and there was a couple sitting to the left of me. They were just staring at their phones the whole time. I think technology has hindered people's social skills. 

synchronized thoughts:

 

[Visitor]

@Max_V Forget about being loved. You won't accept it if you can't accept yourself. When you do except yourself then you won't need love. So the only thing to do is to be loving, and while you are loving you won't need love because you ARE love.

Edited August 8, 2017 by Visitor
grammar

[Max_V]

it happened again. There was this beautiful waitress at my hotel. She helped us about 3 times during the 3 days I was there. Every day I hoped to see her again. I just felt super attached to her when she looked me in my eyes

Now that I've left the hotel to continue the travels, I feel this intense sadness. It all feels so lonely and far away. Something inside of me doesn't want to let go. 

Really weird how a look in my eyes makes me feel this intense attachment and love. 

@Loreena @Shin @ajasatya @Visitor

 

@Shin What methods did you use to get over it?

I will try to go deep into the feeling next time it comes up, I have the feeling I can really go deep with this.

Edited August 8, 2017 by Max_V

[egoeimai]

Weakness is sometimes so cute. 

[Shin]

15 minutes ago, Max_V said:

it happened again. There was this beautiful waitress at my hotel. She helped us about 3 times during the 3 days I was there. Every day I hoped to see her again. I just felt super attached to her when she looked me in my eyes

Now that I've left the hotel to continue the travels, I feel this intense sadness. It all feels so lonely and far away. Something inside of me doesn't want to let go. 

Really weird how a look in my eyes makes me feel this intense attachment and love. 

@Loreena @Shin @ajasatya @Visitor

Looks like super neediness, like hardcore.

There is no way you can sustain a relationship like this, it would never work.

You have to take care of this one way or another, it's way too much of a handicap (I'm talking from experience).