How To Deal With People Who Hate You For No Apparent Reason

[FinnishJon]

As I've been self developing and being more self aware of my own emotions, especially anger, I've started to notice that I get mean comments or negative vibes from total strangers on occasion and I'm just wondering what the best way to deal with this is?

Just an example.  I speak Arabic and was socializing with some Tunisian guys I met at a coffee house here in Finland where I live.  One Arab friend joins the conversation and starts implying that I receive way better treatment by Finns than he or any muslim who is here.  I was trying to understand his point of view, but it was a dark rat hole that I didn't feel like it was wise to go down with him, so I just smiled, shrugged and didn't say anything.  Pretty soon he was insulting Americans, wouldn't look me in the eye, complaining about life, women, etc...

I've also noticed the same kind of treatment in bars sometimes when a jealous boyfriend notices my presence even if I haven't said a single word to him or his girlfriend.

Or in a black neighborhood in California, I got the same vibe... me being a white guy.

Or bloggers who are looking to pick a fight over religion or politics even though I don't say one word about what I'm thinking.

So, the question is, what is the best way to deal with nastiness like this?  I really don't relish the idea of getting into fist fights or other kinds of violence but I'm not gonna submit to a bully.  So what kind of strategy is the best in handling these emotional situations?

[Toasty]

This happens to me too. People that dont even know me seem to really hate me and wont make eye contact. I get the feeling that they are feeling insecure around me which is so odd. Im a 5'6 white male, 150 pounds average looking. One thing I've noticed, people that are secure are very encouraging. But people that are insecure either about there appearance, education level... tend to put me down. I don't put anyone down. 

Why do you think this happens to you? 

Edited February 19, 2016 by Toasty

[FinnishJon]

2 hours ago, Toasty said:

Why do you think this happens to you? 

My victim in me wants to reply that reverse racism towards white males seems to be politically correct these days... 

The self developing side of me wants to just accept that the world is full of people who are very insecure and these are the emotions that are being projected... I'm sure people of all races and both sexes have felt this feeling, like the world is against them.  And, the reasons have nothing to do with me as an individual, but the one with the insecurity as you said.

But I still would like to know what the optimal response strategy should be.  Should you avoid these people?  Give them some token gesture of insincere respect to mollify them?  Or what?

[Toasty]

In my situation is my own race where I'm picking up the bad vibe between us. One of Leo's video's i found helpful.  "How to stop caring what people think of me". He basically said 1 in a 100 people will just hate you for no apparent reason. 

It's just ridiculous how some people are.

 

[Lynnel]

Ask yourself the question, why am I a match to that ?

In terms of vibration. If something exists in your reality some part of you is a match to it

[FinnishJon]

9 hours ago, Lynnel said:

Ask yourself the question, why am I a match to that ?

In terms of vibration. If something exists in your reality some part of you is a match to it

But, how should you handle the external reality of these situations?

[Ayla]

What you perceive as hate towards you, is actually just a PROJECTION ! Those people do not hate you. They only have in them some aspect of you that you once denied yourself for different reasons - so now they appear to you so that you can heal them. To get a feel of what I am saying, please take a look at Leo's video about how to use people 

 

[SenshiAna]

Something like this happened to me this summer: there is this sexy girl who is just someone I happen to know, and just because she made a bitchy comment to me (she wasn't expecting I would be so energetic and cheerful, just because I appear to be so calm and peaceful). Some months after I thought I would encounter her and I thought how she anoyed me. So when I did spend some time with her she would give me a very very hatefull stare! I noticed it and even my friends noticed, mentioning it to me. So my conclusion...

She manifested the vibe I was sending in the first place.

Even if not, i may have stared at her in a weird way, she may have noticed, and so she may have thought I was the bitchy one, and this became a cicle.

[AHappyTeddyBear]

Guys its normal, i sometimes hate people for no apparent reason too. You just look in their faces and hate them to the uttmost. It happens, it just does. Natural. Nothing to see here, OP .

[Walter B]

Well I think there's quite a lot to see here. There are many methods to deal with it. It is slow. Even after you've spent hours with Leo's videos and reintegrated into social life, it remains important to realize that many aspects of self improvement must be repeated so you can receive the "rest of the message".  Ayla hit the nail squarely!!! But this takes time and more importantly patience.

The eyething is related to establishing dominance or determining one's true feelings. I don't submit to bullies either, but neither do I agress. Leo's self-control related videos helped me lots. 

Perhaps "thinking" about how hurtful and judgemental those people's thoughts and actions are has the greatest effect in healing them. People are hateful and if they looked at themselves with that same hate then that is usually enough to break it. Unless they just dismiss it. Then you may need to abstain from contact.

You know. "Get the sand out of one's own eye before throwing a stone at another"

The self control comes in useful when they push you to extremes..... And never forget...manipulators are very persistent. It runs in their circle so it creeps its way back into them with time, usually.

 

[Mad Cat]

13 hours ago, 8LanguageStud said:

But, how should you handle the external reality of these situations?

You keep pushing that question which no one can answer; in other words, you're barking up the wrong tree. There is no magical set of social techniques to smooth out the situations on an external level, because external reality is nothing but a gigantic hall of mirrors. You will continue to attract the vibes which reflect the deeper, internal states of your being which are calling upon your attention. The tricky part about facing the external manifestations of internal rage is that pretty much any response can potentially trigger the anger to escalate. The intention behind the response matters much more than the type of response. The best advice I can offer is that you treat the conversation as if you were speaking with yourself, how would you empathize with your own fury? If you have a bad relationship with your own anger, healing that relationship is likely the key to resolving the conflict, and these reoccurring 'random' encounters with strangers are the world's way of helping you practice. The process can be quite rocky, though, just remember that it is an ongoing dialogue with yourself... "It's always darkest before the dawn" and such

[FinnishJon]

On 2/20/2016 at 8:32 AM, Ayla said:

What you perceive as hate towards you, is actually just a PROJECTION ! Those people do not hate you. They only have in them some aspect of you that you once denied yourself for different reasons - so now they appear to you so that you can heal them. To get a feel of what I am saying, please take a look at Leo's video about how to use people 

 

Did you mean the video entitled "The Law of Attraction"?

[FinnishJon]

By the way, kudos to all of the people who contributed here... I started to follow this advice and it helped me avoid some dangerous people recently.  I actively maintained a positive emotional internal feeling despite being very anxious, and I think it saved me from conflict a couple of times now...

[Pallero]

It's all in your head, like others have pointed out as well. What you experience is a reflection of yourself. If you want change, you have to look inside.

Do you think that you are better than others? Are you afraid to admit that you are not?

It's difficult to be honest with yourself and that's OK. But think: you can actually change how things are going, because all you have to change is your own perspective, and that's totally in your control.

[Anna]

I normally answer in a sarcastic way. If someone starts a conflict out of nowhere and for no reason I ask many questions which make them really insecure. Additionally I remain polite, speak calm and smile.  Most of the time they give up an turn away.

This is how I behave.

[FinnishJon]

I guess my original thinking was from listening to a discussion with Sam Harris and Scott Reitz about the role of police and self defence in society.  The problem with the world is that there are some seriously fucked up people in it, and some of them have nothing but evil intentions to all of society.  Psychopaths.  So, am I to believe that the problem with a psychopath lies within me and that it's me who needs fixing?  I know Leo did a video on this topic some time back, maybe I should review it, but I just don't want to accept that a guy or girl who comes up to me with violent intentions is a problem in my own internal psychology.  Just like a hurricane... I'm not the one causing the hurricane, and I tend to think that people who would blame themselves for these kinds of people are being masochistic.

[Anna]

5 minutes ago, 8LanguageStud said:

I guess my original thinking was from listening to a discussion with Sam Harris and Scott Reitz about the role of police and self defence in society.  The problem with the world is that there are some seriously fucked up people in it, and some of them have nothing but evil intentions to all of society.  Psychopaths.  So, am I to believe that the problem with a psychopath lies within me and that it's me who needs fixing?  I know Leo did a video on this topic some time back, maybe I should review it, but I just don't want to accept that a guy or girl who comes up to me with violent intentions is a problem in my own internal psychology.  Just like a hurricane... I'm not the one causing the hurricane, and I tend to think that people who would blame themselves for these kinds of people are being masochistic.

I understand what you're feeling, but you can't help everyone. Accept them. I guess the best thing you can do is to stay positive and spread positive vibes.

[Benevolent]

Eckart Tolle addresses this in his book the Power Of Now.

He basically says that some of us are unaware of our own anger or negative emotions that we hold deep within. This attracts other angry people, so we feel victims to such hostile behavior, when in reality our own lack of presence draws it out of them.

Jealousy is also a very strong emotion and on the topic of racism, people who experience it can be extra sensitive.

I would say to try and seize the opportunity to help someone by looking inward in those situations, by asking yourself what you could be doing differently and listening with empathy and genuine intent. Most people just want to be heard. 

[FinnishJon]

3 hours ago, Benevolent said:

I would say to try and seize the opportunity to help someone by looking inward in those situations, by asking yourself what you could be doing differently and listening with empathy and genuine intent. Most people just want to be heard. 

I do agree with this to some extent.  What I don't agree with is accepting blame for other people's negative emotions.  That's masochism.

[Walter B]

On 2/20/2016 at 1:01 PM, Mad Cat said:

You keep pushing that question which no one can answer; in other words, you're barking up the wrong tree. There is no magical set of social techniques to smooth out the situations on an external level, because external reality is nothing but a gigantic hall of mirrors. You will continue to attract the vibes which reflect the deeper, internal states of your being which are calling upon your attention. The tricky part about facing the external manifestations of internal rage is that pretty much any response can potentially trigger the anger to escalate. The intention behind the response matters much more than the type of response. The best advice I can offer is that you treat the conversation as if you were speaking with yourself, how would you empathize with your own fury? If you have a bad relationship with your own anger, healing that relationship is likely the key to resolving the conflict, and these reoccurring 'random' encounters with strangers are the world's way of helping you practice. The process can be quite rocky, though, just remember that it is an ongoing dialogue with yourself... "It's always darkest before the dawn" and such

Do you sit and wonder about the dumbasses that think they've got you all figured out and try to present things for you to work out!  When in my case I've long moved on from what they are still hung up on from years ago.  Fucking amazes me every time how shallow their minds are.  And then most of them just still try to force issues or wear one down until they give in.  The story of life!  Bunch of greedy fuckers that label people as "angry" or whatever when it doesn't work out their way....lol