Fetishes/kinks

[a e l i]

I'd like to understand better human sexuality, so I have a few questions about this topic.

Why do people have various fetishes and kinks? How much is porn to blame? And how is it possible for someone to understand where their fetish came from? Also, what do you think? Are fetishes healthy, unhealthy or it's not so black and white? Could enlightened people also have them? Is it better to get rid of them?

[egoless]

24 minutes ago, a e l i said:

I'd like to understand better human sexuality, so I have a few questions about this topic.

Why do people have various fetishes and kinks? How much is porn to blame? And how is it possible for someone to understand where their fetish came from? Also, what do you think? Are fetishes healthy, unhealthy or it's not so black and white? Could enlightened people also have them? Is it better to get rid of them?

I think this all is content within reality so once you awaken as the True self and reality itself without ego you stop "worrying" about these stuff. But untill then within the content of reality fetishes arrive from porn influence  I think. 

[Spiral]

A way of looking at is that people whom have a fetish are putting on a mask, for instance a man that act superior in everyday life will often be submissive in the bedroom. Neurotic women will often like really "rape play". If you have a fetish that's alright but know that it says something about you

[Erlend K]

Fetishes/kinks are great, as long as both people are into it! They can spice up your sexlife and make it more fun and playful.

[Moreira]

On 10/8/2017 at 0:01 PM, Spiral said:

A way of looking at is that people whom have a fetish are putting on a mask, for instance a man that act superior in everyday life will often be submissive in the bedroom. Neurotic women will often like really "rape play". If you have a fetish that's alright but know that it says something about you

I think there's something more profound, and I'd even say that fetishes are genetic, like character.

When I was I kid I played with my neighbour. She liked to roleplay as a family in a toy-kitchen she had. I always convinced her to put us mutually duct tape in our mouths ( I argimented that this would avoid us to be biten by mosquitoes) but this is a clear sign I was into domination fetish. In the 80s and as a 5 yo kid as you can see there was zero porn influence.

All my childhood I was peleased when somebody tried to dominate me, I dont know why.

[Spiral]

@Moreira You don't need porn or even be of mature age to have fetishes like that, genetics can impact how you react to the world and thereby make you develop fetishes. Domination/submissive fetishes are somewhat different as the have to do with your feminine/masculine side so perhaps I put that in a bad way. Had something similar, but I was neurotic as fuck

But don't get me wrong i'm not inherently against fetishes, the expression of them or people who have them.

[egoeimai]

So what's behind submissive men?  I had this belief that all men are dominant. But no.  What's the difference between them two? 

[Frankie]

Controversial point:

Gary Weber has mentioned in a talk on youtube that he personally believes that every perverted form of sexuality is produced by a traumatized ego. If one gets rid of his ego the demand to fulfil this fetish vanishes. 

To undergird this argument you could say that in the early childhood traumatic experiences could very very easily appear (because you are in this age more or less helpless and helplessness in crucial situations creates traumas). Neil Strauss stresses this point in his book "The Truth". Furthermore, the human brain undergoes a reorganization process in the age of 5. So you simply cannot remember events from the first years - but they stick in your subconsciousness!

I don't want to criticise having a fetish or not but it seems to be rather a thing of the broken ego than of the fully enlightened sage ...

 

16 hours ago, egoeimai said:

So what's behind submissive men?  I had this belief that all men are dominant. But no.  What's the difference between them two? 

According to the theory above, it's also a product of early childhood traumatic experiences. You don't have to be beaten in the early childhood years but some kind of very authoritarian upbringing could leave these scars in the subconsciousness that one only gets [sexually] rewarded when he is getting humiliated [like in the early years of childhood] ....

[pluto]

Conditioning, Purely.

[YaNanNallari]

I liked Teal Swan's videos about this in youtube. Not sure if they're correct, but I've been able to get value out of them. I think it's a good idea to ask if a kink is making yourself close down and have more self-centered pleasure? Or opening up and sharing love? For me it was the first and I still have them but I'm aware of them, ok with them and know quite well how to let go more.

[cavedraw1]

I been doing a lot of study on.."revealing of self",Anonymity...comes up a lot..which I do see it is easy on the internet for people to fall into the a trap of "Anonymity"..example,if one can not truly reveal true-self..a question might be.."how can one know true-self..if it remains in Anonymity?..just a thought....in a... way...maybe..a great part of Ego,lies in Anonymity?

Matter of fact...my hat goes of to Leo in the mere fact of how greatly he is able to reveal his self publicly

Edited September 17, 2017 by cavedraw1