New Member, Need Career Advice.

[MasterNigel]

Hello fellow self actualizers, I am a new member here but i am not new to leos great self help channel. I should start by telling you about myself. As soon as i found Leos videos on youtube i felt drawn into his deep understanding of how things work. I've always had a very rational, realistic and somewhat non emotional view of life. This state of mind was probably developed from being outcast and picked on in my early years (i'm 21 now) and also my calm nature, deep curiosity for life and interest in reading. I have a drive to improve myself to achieve the material things that i realy want in life. I think their is a big problem area in my personality when it comes to socializing with girls mostly, I don't think this is abnormal, but i find it difficult to entertain them in the light hearted and somewhat childish kind of way that they want a lover to do. I've come too the conclusion that it is most likely due to subconscious blocks that i've put in place as a kid being picked on and trying to be like the others. I feel somewhat different from the people around me in the way that i dont feel the need to entertain myself with alcohol, weed, jokes poking fun with guy friends, and masturbation. Although i have a high sex drive and urges of that nature, i also have self discipline enough to not masturbate or look at porn. I understand i have some deep seated psychological problems, but i now have conscious control over my mind since i have been practicing the Author Eckhart Tolles instructions to be the witnessing presence of your mind. I've read his books multiple times and when i started to understand that I am not actually just my brain and body but universal consciousness itself it started to change my life for good and i started being a lot more effective. 

          I have a big career decision to make, I have been researching a lot and trying to start an online selling business. I live with my mother in a house that is big enough for the both of us and we get along well, so i'm not really in a hurry to move. But i have recently started doing temporary construction jobs with an old friend, and he sais that i could be hired on for good if i wanted to. I'm not new to construction as i've had multiple specialized construction jobs before. Its a decent wage but i have to ride with my friend every morning for an hour and hes always teasing and poking fun in a kind of childish meathead kind of way and its kind of annoying really, its pretty regular that hes pissed off in the mornings which i also have to deal with while driving. I'm not trying to bad talk him but hes just really different.  On the contrary though his free and emotion expressing attitude is what gets him the attention of so many girls, maybe if it rubs off on me it will improve my personality? Or would it hinder my self actualizing? Any help and input is gratefully welcomed, Thanks.

[Visitor]

@MasterNigel Slightly confused between thread title "Need Career Advice" and your question about obtaining 'a free and emotion expressing attitude' From what you wrote, I have no idea what careers you are interested in. About taking of a type of attitude is totally up to you, but would it be your true genuine authentic self?

[Spiral]

@MasterNigel an interesting read, I like the you formulate yourself.

I don't want to to tell you what you "should" do, but from what I can tell, you want to start the online selling business rather than doing construction. I would feel the same if i was in your position. Either way I would tell your old friend that you don't like the way he is treating you, that is usually enought to make people stop. Make sure to do really seriously so that he really understands and no, he is not having any possible effect on you. 

As for what I would recommend regarding work. You either work part time for him and part time on your online business, but your really need to work on the online business then. If you don't think you can really go at it seriously then don't waste your time. You could for instance work 8 per day, 3 days construction and 2 days on your business. If your not putting down at least 8 hours those days then you're not ready yet.

The other option is starting to work for him full time and when you can, get yourself somewhere to live on your own. Why? You'll become a proper adult if you do (and girls like it). You will start to take life more seriously, you can't just let a parent do it for you, sounds clique but it's an really important step in your life. Working hard has it own rewards, that grow you in more ways than one. You can always work on your online business on the side, on weekends for instance.   

[Nahm]

@MasterNigel It is impossible to experience anything other than You. The whole experience is You.  That is why your friend's behavior bothers you. He is your master, your means of seeing your self, your means of becoming aware that you don't like how he conducts himself is a gift for you to become aware of what you don't want, and what you do want.

The trick is to realize what it (your friend, reality, You) is showing you. Accept that it is showing you EXACTLY what you want it to show you, right now, always. 

 

In my interpretation of what you have typed...You are showing yourself that you want freedom. You want your own car. You want a job you choose. You want more silence. You want more time to contemplate & expand. You want financial independence. You want a different type of friends in our life. 

 

The only question is, will you spend the rest of this life ignorantly waiting for things to come to you, or will you wake up to the fact that all of it already is you, and develop you focus and use it to focus on what you want. 

When you can realize that what you want is what already is, then you can start putting focus on what you want and watch it manifest. 

 

 

[MasterNigel]

9 hours ago, Visitor said:

@MasterNigel Slightly confused between thread title "Need Career Advice" and your question about obtaining 'a free and emotion expressing attitude' From what you wrote, I have no idea what careers you are interested in. About taking of a type of attitude is totally up to you, but would it be your true genuine authentic self?

The closest I have come to knowing my "true authentic self" is when i meditate just before sleeping, or when i am consciously present to the moment doing things, It is just space and being. I do not know how to find my true self's personality when socializing. The rest of it is probably more conditioned personality or ego, especially when i'm socializing. From what i understand about gaining consciousness is that no gain is ever lost, which is what eckhart tolles theory is. But Leo said once that their is a danger of "falling back asleep",  Perhaps what i am wondering is this; making a lifestyle change by doing full time construction and spending more time with my fearless and reckless friend might condition me to have a more outgoing, driven, more "attractive to girls" kind of personality. Maybe it will give me that manly edge that David Deida speaks of, he said once that one way to deal with woman and world is to "fuck woman and world to smithereens".  Or is their a danger of developing a more dysfunctional personality and regressing in my strive to self actualize and live the best life i could live? or even worse fall back asleep and lose consciousness?

Thank you for all the enlightenment driven info and advice. I am very grateful to be a part of this wise community.

Edited August 6, 2017 by MasterNigel

[Visitor]

4 hours ago, MasterNigel said:

... making a lifestyle change by doing full time construction and spending more time with my fearless and reckless friend might condition me to have a more outgoing, driven, more "attractive to girls" kind of personality. Maybe it will give me that manly edge that David Deida speaks of, he said once that one way to deal with woman and world is to "fuck woman and world to smithereens".  Or is their a danger of developing a more dysfunctional personality and regressing in my strive to self actualize and live the best life i could live? or even worse fall back asleep and lose consciousness?....

Sounds very deceptive (untrue) and exploitative of others (to fill the void of being untrue).

Tip: Your truthful self is unconditionally loving. Love is the expression of truth. To be deceptive and exploitative is both unloving and not true to yourself.

Fear causes deception, in this case it is the fear of not being lovable, so you falsify yourself as lovable to others.

Being a true person is not only your true self, but it is most loved by all, because it is reliable, trustworthy, unchanging, consistent ... in other words, unconditional.

If you create a conditional self, it will always be found wanting (unsatisfactory) because deep down you know it is a fraud, a deception and enslaved to your ego-self. A life of suffering.

So find your true self, get in touch with that unconditional loving bit in you. You know, that part that is gentle, soft, forgiving, tolerant, fearless, patient, listening, self.

[MasterNigel]

Thanks for the advice. Your right, I feel my true self as being all those things that you've described. But most guys ive known in my life act pretty much like the opposite so ive always thought i was just kind of a pussy. Maybe i need to find something i truly enjoy doing and spend time with different people.