Dealing With Social Anxiety And People

[sleeperstakes]

so I've had a problem with dealing with other people for a long time, I've got considerably better since i started personal development, but social anxiety and awkwardness pretty much rule my life at the moment and has done for a number of years. Words don't come easily to me at all and I get extremely anxious around large groups of people whether it be clubs or just big crowds, which is ironic because I'm a full-time waiter. I have a meditation practice and have had one for just under 2 years, i find anything that i can do at home like meditation, reading or exercise astronomically easier than going out into the outside world and confidently approaching people and talking to people. I know that i actively "don't trust" people and stay extremely introverted with most people until i know them better. I definitely have an extreme case of "nice guy" syndrome. The anxiety, the face i put on when in public and my mistrust of others severely limits my social life and can make me feel pretty isolated at times. I want to know if any of you have had to deal with and overcome this, how you did it and if you have any tips on how i can overcome this huge hurdle in my life.

[Ry4n]

Facing your fears is ultimately the only way to truly overcome these things. Your mind will throw all sorts of excuses to not face them, ignore them. Face these fears and accept the uncertainty and fear involved in the process, and to stick to doing this consistently, I recommend basing your actions on what you value, which I assume is overcoming social anxiety, and not on your feelings, which would be to avoid others. Its perfectly normal to have emotions that are painful, but controlling such experiences is what creates social anxiety in the first place. Self-compassion will make this process easier also.  

[egoless]

@sleeperstakes I have almost the same problem and I found the solution but it requires practice. All the roots of your social anxiety or any bad emotion really lies in the illusionary concept of time. Nowadays we are used to "live" stuck in our past or constantly overthinking the future. We tend to forget that the only real "time" when life actually happens is NOW! Awareness of yourself in the Presence is the most powerful tool you can use to take control over your mind. When you constantly worry about the Future you become the slave of your mind. I recommend you to read one of the greatest books The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle. This book is direct path to the "Enlightenment" but at the same time it is the great tool to master yourself and your emotions! Practicing meditation only for several minutes per day won't help you much if you don't teach yourself how to live in the present moment permanently!

Edited August 8, 2017 by egoless

[sleeperstakes]

@egoless it's really strange you mentioned that book because I'm just on the last 30 pages of it at the moment. The thing I find about that book is that it's really great in terms of zen philosophy, for instance there is no self, no such thing as good or bad etc but these are all just words that don't really change my experience of the world. Most of my social anxiety is subconscious, and I haven't found a way to rewire my beliefs and actually become more present. I find that even if I try and feel all the sensations in my body, it doesn't really help if I'm anxious at the time, I just feel present and anxious at once. Knowing that the one that is experiencing anxiety is also the one causing which also happens to be the one that doesn't exist in the first place doesn't change how anxious I am because it's something I *know* but not something I *believe*. You said that meditation isn't helpful unless I can teach myself to become present but I thought that's what meditation was? If not what can I do to become more present?

[egoless]

@sleeperstakes I did not mean that meditation is not helpful overall. It is a great exercise to quiet your monkey-mind. But to achieve noticable success with it requires long time unless you are doing it at least an hour a day. Meditations becomes much more potent when you "implement" what you have "learned" during those sessions during your practical every day life. Being in present is not only about feeling your sensations... it's about focusing your whole attention to the NOW - become the NOW. Be aware of that and you will notice how often your mind "races" you to the "Future" everytime you supposedly feel social anxiety. Remember that fear or anxiety and "time" are directly interconnected. 

[wavydude]

- clean up your diet

- start working out 

- do NoFap

If you do this thing and stay consistent to them I guarantee your social anxiety will disappear. I recommend to implement them one by one otherwise you will mostlikely fail.

[Erlend K]

Social Anxiety is one of the most normal mental disorders in the world, and therefor incredably well researched. There is a ton of stuf you can do to gradualy overcome it.

The three most important being 1 Therapy (preferably CBT). 2 Drugs (preferably a MAOI like Nardil, perhaps combined with a benzo like clonopin if your symptoms are severe) 3. Facing your fears. Don't give in to the desire to avoid social situalions. Anytime you give in to the fear you reinforce the belief that socializing is treatening and should be feared.

Other than that, theres a lot of things you can do that is well documented to reduce social anxiety, but these should be seen as supplements to the three above:

-Physical exercise

-Avoiding high GI carbs, and getting all the nutients you need.

-Getting enough sleep

-Meditation

-Self-Compassion exercises

-Progressive Muscle relaxation

-Keeping a gratitude journal

-Spending time in nature

-Helping others