Where Do I Start?

[sleeperstakes]

Hi all, 

I've been following Leo's work for about 2 and a half years now (currently 19), and have had a daily meditation practice for just under 2 years. Leo's content is actually what got me interested in personal development. I've invested 100's of hours in watching, reading, listening to and using the advice from Leo's videos, books, audio-books podcasts and more, but despite this i feel like ive only scratched the very surface level of personal development, and while my conscious thought patterns and beliefs have changed radically over the past few years, my subconscious thoughts and anxieties have changed to a much lesser extent. Trying to find more content beyond the things Leo covers just puts me into extreme monkey-mind as it feels like there is literally 100,000s of hours things to research, and I don't even know where to start. I've done a lot of further reading into the topics Leo covers but there are so many of resources and they all go so in-depth and just don't know which one's would change my life forever and which one's would just waste like a week of my time. I've purchased Leo's book list which has definitely set me off the in right direction, but I'm unsure about how to leave behind the things I know are useful but are only one perspective and get a much bigger range of perspectives and things being explained in ways without it being a waste of time or being entrenched in dogma.

Another question: do any of you know good places or events to find people that are like-minded to those in the Actualized.org community? I'm very passionate about all of the topics here but a lot of the people i associate with (friends, family, work colleagues etc) have no knowledge of it what's soever. Any specific seminars, lectures or retreats or similar events would solve both of my issues above. any ideas? 

[ajasatya]

@sleeperstakes a good place to start is a consistent meditation habit.

[sleeperstakes]

i know, I've currently got one. I'm asking, where is the best place to really start in terms of personal development content?

[Christian]

@sleeperstakes

My advice is for you to first determine where you are at in your life right now. Do you have the basic human needs covered or are there any needs you are not meeting? 

To answer this question as accurate as possible, I reccomend you study Maslow's hierachy of needs. It is basically a pyramid with the basic needs such as food and shelter at the bottom and at the tip of the pyramid is the need for self actualization/self-transcendence. Where are you on that pyramid? 

You need to lay a solid foundation and fill any unfulfilled needs as soon as possible. Set realistic goals that AIM to meget your needs. Take 90% action, listen to 10% theory. Work your way up from the bottom of the pyramid and get the basics handled before seriously pursuing for self actualization and self transcendence. 

And keep that meditation habit going, It's such a critical habit to have in your life. 

[Joseph Maynor]

@sleeperstakes What is your cause and purpose in your life?  What is the trajectory of your life?  

 

Edited August 4, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Leo Gura]

@sleeperstakes That's all perfectly normal and how it should be.

Have you seen this? https://www.actualized.org/start

Sounds like you're doing good. You just now need to balance out your intake of theory with installing concrete daily habits. See above link for ideas on the highest leverage habits. Pick one and implement for 1-2 months, then repeat. All you need to start to see big changes is 1 high leverage habit successfully installed every few months. At that rate, in 2-5 years, you'll be killing it.

[Moreira]

Dont be tempted to talk to this things with your friends, family, partners, .... they are not preparet nor open minded to accept the truth.

When I talked about the nature of the self and reality to my sister and mother ther told me I was crazy and needed psychologycal help.

Let them stay in the matrix, this journey has to be lived alone.

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Moreira said:

they told me I was crazy and needed psychological help.

That's when you know you're making real progress

[TeamBills]

@Leo Gura

Quote

All you need to start to see big changes is 1 high leverage habit successfully installed every few months. At that rate, in 2-5 years, you'll be killing it.

What do you mean by high leverage habit? I've been frustrated by my lack of results, and I feel like I have been putting the work in. Could I be doing a better job at it by not focusing so much on "quick mindless fun?" Yes, but I still feel like I am putting in a lot of work, and other people tell me I am too. I want results every few months! What am I doing wrong? And yes, I have watched the be patient for results video you made. A lot of your videos fly over my head though and I go back to the way I was acting before.

Edited August 4, 2017 by TeamBills

[Leo Gura]

@TeamBills That's how this stuff works. It's not easy. Which is why it's so rarely done. You have to slog it out.

In the link I posted above, there is a sub-section called: Most Important Habits To Build

[Vaishnavi]

@sleeperstakes One of the best ways in which I believe one can begin is by creating a clear vision. Try watching Leo's video on becoming an effective strategist, its very powerful. Like really design and plan ahead because then it would be easy for you to strategically install habits since you cannot (and don't need to) install all of them. 

However if you want to start with something major, (since I can see you've done quite some work already) I'd recommend you to start with physical detoxification. Detoxification at a very deep and cellular level. This is huge and will be a big leap for you. It's worth the time and is sustainable, something I myself am working on. 

Try reading The detox miracle sourcebook by Robert Morse (a free PDF is available online). 

[sleeperstakes]

I think for me, one of the most important things to do is write things down and to plan things, I find that if I don't, my goals stay in my head, and i end up trying to do everything at once (listening to an audiobook while doing research and jumping between topics) and nothing actually gets done and i just get a surface level understanding of everything. 

[sleeperstakes]

@Vaishnavi what do I do if i don't have a vision yet though? i have a lot of values and interests i want to persue, but i don't want to commit in case i make a wrong decision, because there are so many topics I'm interested in. Part of the reason I've put off going to college is so i can get a clearer vision but I'm not sure what to do to make it any clearer. 

[TeamBills]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@TeamBills That's how this stuff works. It's not easy. Which is why it's so rarely done. You have to slog it out.

In the link I posted above, there is a sub-section called: Most Important Habits To Build

This made me act a little nicer to myself, thank you for that. I though I must of been screwing up or doing something wrong that I didn't realize I was doing.

[Vaishnavi]

28 minutes ago, sleeperstakes said:

I think for me, one of the most important things to do is write things down and to plan things, I find that if I don't, my goals stay in my head, and i end up trying to do everything at once (listening to an audiobook while doing research and jumping between topics) and nothing actually gets done and i just get a surface level understanding of everything. 

Exactly my point. I can relate very well and this is why it's important that you actually learn to be very clear with what you want to do otherwise it's just random action(in Leo's word, keeping busy) which of course leads you nowhere. Also it can be a huge distraction since you refuse to stick to one thing at a time.

However, it's completely ok to not know. It's ok to not know everything. Learn to allow things to unfold and accordingly make decisions. It might seem that I'm contradicting my own point. What I am trying to communicate is that you need to be clear with what you ultimately want. Truth, fullfiling life purpose (even if currently you don't know what exactly it is), good health, authentic relationships etc. The ultimate strategic intent. The little details will come by with time and effort but by vision, I mean the end of it all. The big picture.

Make a list of it (all your interests and authentic desires) then organise it well. Divide it (if you want) into abstract (eg. authentic relationships) and concrete goals (eg.clear life purpose). Clarity is important but you will also have to accept that things for the majority of time will not work out the way you initially planned. Look up for How to be a strategic MF and design your vision even if it's not crystal clear. 

Also whatever vision you come up with you will have to review and revise it every single day (literally) in order to polish it from time to time. And then it will be easy for you to gain clarity and install the right habits.

I'd suggest you to use a laptop or the computer for writing your goals and plans because that way it's easy to manage, organise and edit. On paper it's a struggle.

[Loreena]

@sleeperstakes

• Do meditation
• Increase self awareness
• Practice existential contemplation
• Practice self honesty
• Self inquiry
• Start self actualization step wise. 
• Set concrete goals
• Follow in baby steps

 

[Erlend K]

9 hours ago, sleeperstakes said:

@Vaishnavi what do I do if i don't have a vision yet though? i have a lot of values and interests i want to persue, but i don't want to commit in case i make a wrong decision, because there are so many topics I'm interested in. Part of the reason I've put off going to college is so i can get a clearer vision but I'm not sure what to do to make it any clearer. 

Very few 19 year olds have a clear vision for life, and thats ok. At that age you are barely getting used to having an adult brain and have barely begun,  what will be a life-long project, of trying to underdtand your self and the world. Over the next decade a lot of the pieces will gradualy fall in place for you. If you have been meditating, studying psychology/self development and thinking seriously about questions like this since you were 17,  you are off to a good start for your adult life, so don't streds about not having the answers or getting the results you want yet.

You are in no hurry to read every useful book right away. Like others mentioned, just pick 1-2 prioritized topics at a time, and focus more on real-life implementation than trying to understand all the theory. Be sceptical when it comes to sources. You will find a lot of advice online that is just someones personal opinion, but might be completly contradicted by research. You shouldn't worship science dogmaticaly tho, but if you want to deal with anxiety go for something like cbt, if you want to be happier study and practice research-based positive psychology. These might seem dryer and less exiting than other exotic ideas you can find online, but if you want the best results possible these are generally the go to techniques. Then you can suplement with trying out less scienficialy sound ideas eventually. 

Waiting a few years before college is no problem, but don't be too perfectionistic about choosing the perfect career path. Weighing your options for too long tends paradoxically to result in more regret and dissatisfaction than just going wholeheartedly for something thats good enough. As long as you choose something you genuinly care about it matters less than you think whether its the absolutely perfect job for you. Once you start working and can really go deep into you chosen topic, you will start to feel mastery and learn how to get into a flow state while working. Then you can develop your other interests at a hobbybasis.