Is Pick Up Worth It?

[onacloudynight]

Basically I have had sex with someone once, but my skills with women SUCK in general. My excuse for not doing pickup is that even if I get really good with women, eventually I know that I will leave it and devote my life to consciousness work. I don't see the point in wasting all that time getting good with women, when I could just put all that time into meditating.

Edited August 3, 2017 by onacloudynight

[Erlend K]

Do you generally have poor social skills, or is it just flirting you are bad at? 

[Joel3102]

I'm in the same condundum lol. I think do it for a while if you really suck and get it out of your system. It will give you long term perks other than just sex, such as social freedom that will stay with you, and the abundance to find a partner that you actually pick, rather than just sticking with the first female that likes you (if you were ever planning on getting into a relationship) 

[Girzo]

8 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

when I could just put all that time into meditating.

But are you putting this time into meditation right now? You see, it's better to do pickup than procrastinate. Don't assume it will be wasted time and don't worry about the future, just do what feels right to do at the present moment.

Choose that one thing, focus on it solely (it can be pick up) and start hardcore self-actualizing already!

Edited August 3, 2017 by Girzo

[Lord Bwyra]

I think the term "pickup" is really silly. It's a typical western reductionist way to look at an area of your life without really understanding what exactly you are trying to do.  Like with almost everything these days, most people (guys and girls) are just running around like headless chickens looking for the next fix, the next paycheck, obsessed with feeling good and happy and adjusting to the normalcy of society. If that is what you want then I honestly think you are not really ready for any kind of self-actualization. But by all means, get it out of your system.

I used to kinda suck with women when I was younger. I had some flings and girlfriends even in my teens and then read The Game and got caught up in all that PUA nonsense in my early-mid 20s. But I never really bought any of it as it just felt to artificial somehow. I eventually did become pretty good with women and had great sex and fucked some pretty hot girls and had some intense relationships along the way. It was fun but it takes a lot of time and money and energy. It can get boring pretty quickly, believe it or not. As of writing this, I haven't had sex or dated for almost one year and for me that's completely fine.

To be fair, the "pua nonsense" did lead me down a path of personal growth, business, spirituality, etc and some of the books mentioned in The Game had a huge impact on me personally e.g. I AM THAT. I also think Neil Strauss is a fantastically bold writer when it comes to mating, sex and all that. So it's not all bad. His last book is pretty interesting too.

If you want to just attract a girl (whether sex or relationship, the process is the same) you need to convey to her somehow that you are an alpha male who can dominate her. That means being aggressive and confident even if you are faking it (they can't tell). This takes some work and study to understand what this really means. You can do it in various ways or combinations of the following: physique, attitude, intellect, money, fame, social status, etc. The more of those you have, the more women will want you wherever you go (this is totally independent of geography as people are the same everywhere).

All the PUA methods in the world won't do shit if you are out of shape, broke, shy, a negative moaner, smell bad, have zero social skills, have loser friends or no knowledge or life wisdom or witty humor. It doesn't matter what you say or do, nobody wants to bang a loser like this, especially a girl with some class and beauty. Would you want a girl with those qualities? If you would and your standards are low, then this becomes much easier in some ways (although those loser girls are more insecure about one night stands and often will settle for any basic chump who notices them to have a family with and to kill their loneliness).

Just get your life in order, become successful and awesome and strong and handsome, you will be a dream for most girls as those kinds of guys are rare (I don't just mean some gymrat "brodude" pseudo-alphas). Unless you have some physical deformity, this shouldn't be a problem for most guys. Even if you are on the path and passionate about your life purpose (get Leo's course if you don't know what that means), you will be fired up and girls and people in general respond positively to that. Like attracts like so losers attract losers, fat people attract fat people, hot people attract hot people, etc, etc.  Why do you think famous people mostly date other famous people?

That said, I completely understand if you just want to get laid, have some fun, bang a bunch of hot college girls and feel some approval and even have some girlfriends before you get serious with your wealth and consciousness work. As I said, perhaps its just best to get it out of your system. Then again, why not do both and see all this "pickup" stuff more holistically as I suggested in the first paragraph. Who knows, maybe that might even be your life purpose, to penetrate the world or "fuck her with God", as David Deida talks about...

If you do want a method (and this goes for both sexes and all sexual preferences), here is the most deceptively simple one:

Look good.
Feel good.
Smell good.

Master that holy trinity and the women will gravitate to you like a herd of wild horny monkeys. And all you have to do is give them what they want. Easier said than done of course

If you have any questions, just shoot.

[onacloudynight]

4 hours ago, Erlend K said:

Do you generally have poor social skills, or is it just flirting you are bad at? 

I would say I have average social skills. Flirting on the other hand I just suck at. I just have horrible approach anxiety.

[onacloudynight]

2 hours ago, Girzo said:

But are you putting this time into meditation right now? You see, it's better to do pickup than procrastinate. Don't assume it will be wasted time and don't worry about the future, just do what feels right to do at the present moment.

Choose that one thing, focus on it solely (it can be pick up) and start hardcore self-actualizing already!

Yeah I am actually meditating 3 hours a day now. I can imagine that I wouldn't be able to keep that up if I get involved with pickup. If I had to pick one, honestly I would pick meditating.

[onacloudynight]

47 minutes ago, Lord Bwyra said:

All the PUA methods in the world won't do shit if you are out of shape, broke, shy, a negative moaner, smell bad, have zero social skills, have loser friends or no knowledge or life wisdom or witty humor. It doesn't matter what you say or do, nobody wants to bang a loser like this, especially a girl with some class and beauty. Would you want a girl with those qualities? If you would and your standards are low, then this becomes much easier in some ways (although those loser girls are more insecure about one night stands and often will settle for any basic chump who notices them to have a family with and to kill their loneliness).

I just want sex though. I really don't care about creating a network of "cool" friends and achieving a high social status, just so I can fuck a girl. To me that just seems like too much work for sex. I don't know maybe I am just lazy, but I really would just like spending my time meditating and being a guy that has hardly no friends, but can still have sex when he wants it. I honestly don't care about or want friends anymore.

[ajasatya]

@onacloudynight from my experience, no. pick up is just a waste of time. it's just a mini-game. don't get stuck in a mini-game.

go deep into yourself. maybe, someday, you'll find a girl who's devoted to consciousness work too. then you'll find a breach for a much deeper domain of development and growth: an intimate relationship devoted to Truth.

[Erlend K]

12 minutes ago, onacloudynight said:

I just want sex though. I really don't care about creating a network of "cool" friends and achieving a high social status, just so I can fuck a girl. To me that just seems like too much work for sex. I don't know maybe I am just lazy, but I really would just like spending my time meditating and being a guy that has hardly no friends, but can still have sex when he wants it. I honestly don't care about or want friends anymore.

Why not just get on Tinder then?

It's a much more effective way to get laid.

[Lord Bwyra]

Quote

I just want sex though. I really don't care about creating a network of "cool" friends and achieving a high social status, just so I can fuck a girl. To me that just seems like too much work for sex. I don't know maybe I am just lazy, but I really would just like spending my time meditating and being a guy that has hardly no friends, but can still have sex when he wants it. I honestly don't care about or want friends anymore.

Then hire a prostitute/escort. They'll give you exactly what you need without all that "work". No shame in that, that's why they exist.

If you don't have the money for it then you're gonna have to swallow your own bullshit, get off your ass and apply what I wrote before. Otherwise you become that loser who wants things to change but refuses to change himself.

So what's it gonna be friend?

[Lord Bwyra]

2 hours ago, Erlend K said:

Why not just get on Tinder then?

It's a much more effective way to get laid.

I respectfully disagree. Unless you have male model looks, most chicks are still looking for boyfriend material (even if they want sex too). Not saying you won't get laid there, I just don't think it's the most efficient option. I deleted my tinder app because it was too addictive and time consuming.

Go out to a bar or yoga class and make some bold moves if you refuse to pay for sex. And remember my holy trinity, otherwise you won't get anywhere. Although if you have approach anxiety, you will not get anywhere with the ladies and you have bigger problems than getting laid.

Why do guys use the term 'pickup'? What the heck is that even supposed to mean? Unless you pickup hookers off the street, you're not getting anything but your own hand and saliva if you are still thinking that this is how the game works. In fact, I'm surprised Leo even uses it. Lets call this what it is and skip the bullshit euphemisms.

[aurum]

3 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

I just want sex though. I really don't care about creating a network of "cool" friends and achieving a high social status, just so I can fuck a girl. To me that just seems like too much work for sex. I don't know maybe I am just lazy, but I really would just like spending my time meditating and being a guy that has hardly no friends, but can still have sex when he wants it. I honestly don't care about or want friends anymore.

"I just want money though, I really don't care about creating a network of contacts and starting a business, just so I can get money. To me that just seems like too much work for money. I don't know maybe I am just rationalizing not challenging my current identity, but I really would just like spending my time mediating and being a guy who doesn't have a job but can still have money when I want it."

^This is what I see when I read what you wrote.

If you don't want sex, fine. Just admit you don't want it and you're not willing to do what it takes.

But this idea that you shouldn't have to work, challenge your comfort zone or change yourself in order to get sex is ridiculous.

And maybe you could argue that the raw pleasure you get from sex isn't worth all the struggle it would take to get there. But truthfully that's only a small benefit you can get from learning Game. 

When done right, the real benefit is the growth you get as a person. The fact that you will have to confront deep rooted fears night after night makes Game a healing process for guys who are growing up with this pain point. And that's really just the start.

Does that mean you have to learn Game? Of course not, there's many ways to do what I just said. But if you want sex AND you want personal transformation, Game can be a powerful way to grow.

 

 

 

[Lynnel]

@onacloudynight @Joel3102

Honestly a high quality partner for which you would for sure need """pick up skills"" is very very worth it and can really help your growth.

Plus you get your animal sex side from your system which frees up a lot of time of pointless masturbation and other sexual distractions.

Also, It is a good dose of fun and character growth and most definetly will help with willpower and character growth.

That being said, I'd first make sure to hammer my life purpose a bit and a solid meditation habit so you are at a good place in your life.

[Girzo]

39 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

That being said, I'd first make sure to hammer my life purpose a bit and a solid meditation habit so you are at a good place in your life.

This. Knowing where you are and what you want makes you good enough to have sex. Basically you don't need any mad skills, because in the end a girl chooses you to fuck, not your skills. The two most important factors in pick up: knowing what you're doing with your life AND taking action.

So, I would just make sure that my life is not like a sinking Titanic and invite a girl to it. Be lazy, be straightforward, if that's what you feel. You will be amazed how effective this approach can be (I was amazed that it works at all ). But you need to be authentic, passionate, so a girl has something to be attracted to.

5 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

Yeah I am actually meditating 3 hours a day now. I can imagine that I wouldn't be able to keep that up if I get involved with pickup. If I had to pick one, honestly I would pick meditating.

Wow, that's pretty huge number. In that case I would stick to meditation too, but are you sure there is no room for some social interactions? Like on a way to work, gym, school, etc. You said that you have approach anxiety and I think it's great. With such powerful meditation habit you can approach a lot and create a lot of anxiety, that can be later dissolved during meditation and used to grow, to get rid of neurosis.

BTW, how long do you practice your meditation habit?

[Spiral]

16 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

Basically I have had sex with someone once, but my skills with women SUCK in general. My excuse for not doing pickup is that even if I get really good with women, eventually I know that I will leave it and devote my life to consciousness work. I don't see the point in wasting all that time getting good with women, when I could just put all that time into meditating.

Why do you ask? Is sex important to you, is it something you want? Nothing wrong with that if that's the case.

[onacloudynight]

3 hours ago, aurum said:

"I just want money though, I really don't care about creating a network of contacts and starting a business, just so I can get money. To me that just seems like too much work for money. I don't know maybe I am just rationalizing not challenging my current identity, but I really would just like spending my time mediating and being a guy who doesn't have a job but can still have money when I want it."

^This is what I see when I read what you wrote.

If you don't want sex, fine. Just admit you don't want it and you're not willing to do what it takes.

But this idea that you shouldn't have to work, challenge your comfort zone or change yourself in order to get sex is ridiculous.

And maybe you could argue that the raw pleasure you get from sex isn't worth all the struggle it would take to get there. But truthfully that's only a small benefit you can get from learning Game. 

When done right, the real benefit is the growth you get as a person. The fact that you will have to confront deep rooted fears night after night makes Game a healing process for guys who are growing up with this pain point. And that's really just the start.

Does that mean you have to learn Game? Of course not, there's many ways to do what I just said. But if you want sex AND you want personal transformation, Game can be a powerful way to grow.

 

 

 

Lol I do want sex and I know I need to work for it. I guess I just struggle with motivating myself to get into the field. I guess I don't want it strongly enough.

[onacloudynight]

1 hour ago, Girzo said:

BTW, how long do you practice your meditation habit?

I actually I have a meditation journal here, but I usually practice 40 minutes per session.

 

[onacloudynight]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

Why do you ask? Is sex important to you, is it something you want? Nothing wrong with that if that's the case.

I honestly don't know what I want. I think I see pickup as something that would give me some excitement in my life.

[Lord Bwyra]

8 hours ago, onacloudynight said:

I honestly don't know what I want. I think I see pickup as something that would give me some excitement in my life.

I empathize with you and I think just getting these thoughts out and interacting with others will put you on a productive path. These are important questions and things to figure out. I think we would all like to help you a little more if you can give us some more details about who you are and where you are at in life. There have already been some good posts here but there seems to be a refusal on your part to open up more and interact with us. That's okay too if you just wanted some quick advice.

I'm just saying, we're here for you so feel free to get a little deeper with your desires and dreams. That's the free option.

Or take Leo's course on Life Purpose because that's all about figuring out "what you really want" on the deepest level possible (or that I've ever come across anywhere else). Have you done the course yet? Are you planning to?

I'm sorry to harp on this again but I really think calling this pickup is intellectually cowardly, not to mention derogatory towards women who are not prostitutes. It's also a way to conveniently brush aside what it really means to attract the opposite sex. Instead of thinking about what you can get or take (ie. pick up) what about focusing on what you can give to the next attractive girl you see? Can you inspire her? Can you change her life? Can give her an unforgettable experience whether sexually, spiritually or intellectually? Can you make her laugh and smile? Can you help her get what SHE wants? If you have nothing to give and just want to use a girl as a 10 second fuckdoll, then perhaps it's time to go back to your self-actualization drawing board (unless she is okay with that which is why I suggested prostitutes). Otherwise the only thing you are feeding is your ego.

Sure it's just words, but I think the words and concepts we use are very important in order to set ourselves up for success and put us on the right track. (Btw, the same goes for "making money" which is equally shallow and puts all emphasis on the wrong things. But that's another post...)