First Trip Report [golden Teacher] [personnal]

[Lynnel]

Where to start, huh ? it's never what you expect, right ?

Preparations/set and setting/details

mushroom type : cubensis golden teacher 2 g
method : tea infusion

I did all my daily habits before tripping, including meditation and made the green tea with the shrooms.

I choose not to have a sitter because I didn't feel the need. I could have talked to my girlfriend if I started freaking out but doing it alone isn't for the faint of the heart and may not be appropriate for higher doses. You really have to know yourself and trust your intuition. For me it was quite obvious because well you are born in here alone and you die alone. You are always handling all of your shit alone. And you can only face your inner demons alone too.

I did it alone, in my house, undisturbed, with some music sometimes to ease the stress it case it would happen.

Also be fucking respectful and honor the substance. Be humble. I cannot stress this enough. It's even more crucial than letting go. As leo said tripping takes faith and there is this sinner vs not sinner mentality. if you're not humble the substance will kick your ass into being humble.

You may even have fear coming into the trip but the world is gonna treat you the way you've treated the world. If deep down you are a compassionate, kind and gentle person, the substance shall treat you gently also.

I didn't follow the guidelines completely and for instance watched game of thrones yesterday, I've watched a whole season of thirteen reasons why with my girlfriend last week this is why maybe I saw Golden Teacher as a chill ass nigga counselor at some point. Either way my lifestyle overall is very clean so that didn't account for much. Just kids be careful.

****Trip****

I payed my respect to the substance, without a clear goal in mind because the consensus seems to be shrooms show you what you need to grow and not what you want, so I simply decided to enjoy the ride and that's it.

And it was quite a gentle ride. it felt at time underwhelming with little to no visuals. I was a bit scared of what to come and then also expected some flashes of genius insight from the heavens, and it wasn't like that. It was only awareness at work, and at some point, I just noticed :

1) Stop trusting your thoughts

I had this whole OCD dynamic going on where I would argue with my thought like OMG did I turn off the oven, am I gonna die ? Shit am I gonna have a bad trip when thinking this ?

And It simply occured to me : Oh wait it's just a thought. I can kinda disobey it. It's not truth. It's just a thought. I don't have to follow it, to trust it to say the truth about reality, etc. It's just a thought. A got a bit of a glimpse of that.

2) Fear is only fear. Fear is only that.

I was scared of something bad happening, or I was just scare and at some point it hit me : what am I scared of ? I mean I felt it in my body and I couldn't run away from it. It was there. Whatever bad could really happen next and there was no escape. And then over a wave of trance it hit me...what am I scared of, even ? seriously? there is nothing to be scared of. Fear is illusory.

There is nothing to be feared about fear.

Also, I've been wondering lately why is there so much suffering and such a lack of joy in life ? Why is there so little we are truly enjoying? From a phenomenal perspective of course, I wasn't depressed or anything.

Here, I quote the golden teacher :

Quote

You keep holding on to horses to dead and so beaten god couldn't make them if he wished for it just because you're scared of facing new experiences.

The early stages of my trip felt like a abused guy with a very hot girl and the hot girl very slightly touching him and being very kind, wanting to massively sex him into nirvana and I'm like shit I'm scarred I've been abused before.

The great lesson is :

3) trying to avoid fear, everything you label as bad, the nagative shit overall, the danger, so called negative emotions prevents you from truly LIVING.

You need to embrace it. An experience is just and experience. You need to learn to like live trough it. Just letting it happen !

Also I learned that I feel shitty because I'm scared all the time of :

- other

- judgement of others and myself most likely

- what's gonna happen

But overall : there is nothing to be scarred of. And I felt like a little kid with my listening to the turtle to feel better and not have a bad trip. And I was lying there wondering...how do people even get bad trips ? What have they done to fuck up so much ?

Either way, fear is just that : fear.  A primal feeling. Ultimately fear is pointless and there is nothing to fear.

Don't escape from scarry experiences, they will end, all in nature ends, nothing is eternal.

Also I learned I feel shitty because my body is very tense and very scared inside. Way more than I expected.

4) You have no idea how much you are in your head

While I was gone making myself a sandwich ( with a butter knife of course be fucking careful ) which is not the most clever thing to do, I was thinking about MY TRIP REPORT. WHILE ON THE TRIP.

I noticed that instead of having my trip I narrated my trip in some sort of future. And I was blown away by this. By this HUGE MENTAL ACTIVITY. You can't BE if you are conceptually narrating shit about x or y or w.

The deal is, you only get NOW. I looked at my cheese toast and I was like YEAH this is ALL i get : the now. And I started tearing up thinking it would be the last toast in my life. You only have this moment.

And most likely you are unaware of how much meta-thinking activity goes on in your mind and it's simply fucking amazing. I'm honestly mindblown by this.

And it's true, sometimes I would have sex, and I would be like : oh yeah here I am, having sex, great.

Life doesn't feel great in your mind. Too much mind kills the mind.

5) There is no magic pill, absolutely none.

While sitting here tripping I was wondering, where is my mindblowing non dual experience and deep profound insight about my life situation whichi will fix everything over night and all shall become better? Where is the magic dust ?

Newflash: it doesn't work that way.

Leo got his great and amazing insight because he spent way more time actualizing than I did. And so he got way more results also.

You do not get shit for free and you have to work for it. It takes a lot of work AND nature rewards work and effort.

Psychedelics are not a magic pill. Well unless we are talking about the 5-meo atomic bomb. And even that, it would be actually pretty pointless for a commoner. He wouldn't be able to integrate his experience. Leo isn't just walking arround collecting amazing insights from the universe freely. Nah. You have to work many many hours, be very consistent and diligent, then trip balls, have mystical experiences and then convert them into gold with a strong framework you have built before.

As I said before, life gets really good if you stop avoiding all the "negative" and "shitty" aspect but you embrace them.

6) You do not KNOW what a NEW experience will be like.

A part of me was like : why would I need to travel, i mean I know what it feels like there or there, just some rocks, why fuck hotters girls, why do this and why do that ?

Well. You cannot know. Something NEW is by definition SOMETHING you have NOT experienced BEFORE.

THEREFORE there is NO way for you to know HOW it will feel/be like. No way.

You can imagine, dream, speculate, but i will never match. The only way is to try.

The only way is to

7) Jump

To experience something new and unpredictable, where fear is involved, you have to take a leap of faith. THis is very key. There is always ALWAYS some risk in life. You just have to jump and do it. You cannot make the fear magically disappear, you cannot make it easy. Sometimes to experience something new, like a kiss, sex, or w/e, psychedelics, you just have to do it, take the leap of faith, go with the experience and truly leave.

Yeah it will feel fucking intense and yes you have to be very very careful. But that's what life it about.

You will never live if you are scared of making jumps.

So jump, carefully, gracefully, but do it. Never stop jumping.

Quote

never stop jumping and prevent nothing from having faith. Nature is here to support you.

8) No one has to tell you how to live your life

I feel often very judged by all the rules and thing you have to do right, like the simple lifestyle, the meditation, this or that practice, watching some game of thrones being bad, x or y being neurotic, there is always so much to upgrade, change, etc it becomes obnoxious.

Honesly just do what you want. Higher consciousness will not force itsefl upon you. Most likely it's a projection of myself feeling bad about myself and imagining everyone is telling me how to live my life and what to do with it. I'll think this trough.

 

9) Random insights

-  You can't appreciate what you have because your awareness is way too low

- you're missing a lot of life because you're afraid of the """bad""" experience

- too much mind activity / you're too worried to enjoy life

- You need to try new thing because judging them => you feel shitty because you'r eon the sidelines judging them.

 

To conclude, I was expecting some harder visuals and more amazing very mystical insights but I guess I need to work for it a bit more. It felt sometimes overhelming. I will try to deal with all the issues mushrooms listed for me and then try a higher dose because I feel I'm quite ready for it.

Also I wasn't able to meditate because of the body load which didn't feel always confortable.

It was a very positive and charming experience and I believe it went very great for a first time trip alone.

Proud of saying I lost my psychedelic virginity hehe.

Thank you guys for you support @Leo Gura@nightrider1435@phoenix666@AstralProjection@OBEler@pluto

 

PS: sorry for the english mistakes

 

 

Edited August 1, 2017 by Lynnel

[Baotrader]

@Lynnel I find it hard to believe what you say here is what you have tripped. It looks more like your subcious mind being thrown out completely to your conscious mind and it's never the case with tripping. I have tripped on golden teacher 2 times and they have been totally different from yours. Sure, trips vary for individuals but what you describe here does not look any bits like a trip

[Lynnel]

5 hours ago, Baotrader said:

@Lynnellooks more like your subcious mind being thrown out completely to your conscious mind

This is exactly what tripping on mushrooms does for me so you're 100% mistaken.

Don't forget that tripping is extremely personnal and I'm somehow advanced when it comes to personnal development.

Feel inspired about what's possible and work on yourself.

People have way crazied trip reports than mine.

[Vipassana]

Great work! Good dose for tripping alone for the first time! Next trip, you might want to up the dose & set a clear intention.