Ego Takes Revenge?

[Zedi]

I've been meditating daily for just about a year now and for the past for months I've been experiencing quiet moments. Like everything would be clear and I'd be super present. Thoughts don't cease but when they come up they're so obvious and they're not worrisome, kinda like a kid trying to scare you by jumping out at you from behind a wall except you totally expect it. It feels really good not "absolute" anything but just super super super quiet . If this all enlightenment was I'd take it LOL. But every time I get this kind of clarity the next couple days ego starts to come back stronger and goes "well let's start giving zero fucks about whatever that was" and then I feel as though i'm getting dragged into the dungeons of the unconsciousness and I don't feel like meditating and I start eating junk randomly. And when I do meditate I can't finish because I feel SUPER itchy and fidgety for some reason, but then it dies down after couple days and I'm back to basic cable reality. It happens on and off every week or so. Can anyone who's going through this explain what's happening or throw in some insight on how to go beyond this?

[Joel3102]

This shit happens to me too. Have you seen Leo's video on the Dark Side of Meditation? He calls it ego backlash. 

Basically try to avoid the worst of the behaviours that your're feeling compelled to do, and realise it's a journey up and down and that the long term trend should be upwards given that you're consistent with the practice. 

[Voyager]

Fark my ego has been backlashing hard lately after going through some big shifts in world perception and awareness. I kept fucking what the fuck is going on because I am making progress yet i am back sliding at the same time. 

[Shanmugam]

2 hours ago, Zedi said:

I've been meditating daily for just about a year now and for the past for months I've been experiencing quiet moments. Like everything would be clear and I'd be super present. Thoughts don't cease but when they come up they're so obvious and they're not worrisome, kinda like a kid trying to scare you by jumping out at you from behind a wall except you totally expect it. It feels really good not "absolute" anything but just super super super quiet . If this all enlightenment was I'd take it LOL. But every time I get this kind of clarity the next couple days ego starts to come back stronger and goes "well let's start giving zero fucks about whatever that was" and then I feel as though i'm getting dragged into the dungeons of the unconsciousness and I don't feel like meditating and I start eating junk randomly. And when I do meditate I can't finish because I feel SUPER itchy and fidgety for some reason, but then it dies down after couple days and I'm back to basic cable reality. It happens on and off every week or so. Can anyone who's going through this explain what's happening or throw in some insight on how to go beyond this?

Yes.. It is normal...You remind me of my practice. Whenever there is such a force from ego, I first used to resist it, but then there would be a lot of tension. So, I used to tell myself when such a thing happens "after all, I cannot get enlightened overnight.. If ego comes back with the force, let it come.. Let me loosen the awareness a little bit"..  (of course, there is nothing like 'getting enlightenment' because it is not something that you can get, it is just an enlightenment slang )

Then I would stop being  conscious of my thoughts for a day or two.. Not completely, but I will let my mind a little loose, without troubling its contents by my awareness all the time. I would pause my seeking. But I always did a resolve to be back on track as soon as possible.. 

Sometimes the tension may actually arise because of the ego itself wanting to get enlightened. Watch out for this as well. Ego does some work behind the screen and suddenly it starts to think that enlightenment is something that it can feed on. Once you become aware of such things, it will lose its force.

Keep watching whatever your mind is doing. Pay attention to the trend of thoughts, kind of thoughts, changes in mood etc. Once you get a mastery over witnessing the mind, you can zoom in further to watch as each thought arises.. Keep sharpening the awareness of your thoughts, being always as a passive witness. When you get confused or seem to be losing the knack of witnessing, remind yourself that whatever that happens in your conscious field is not you; whatever that is observed by you  is not you...This discrimination will help you to be more mindful.  If you keep going like this, then soon you will completely dissolve the duality.

[Leo Gura]

OF COURSE!!!

What else did you expect? The ego ain't gonna lie down and die. It will fight tooth and nail, like a hooked fish. The closer it gets to the bank, the harder it will fight.

The ego ENTIRE PURPOSE is tp resist and survive through ANY MEANS possible. Which of course means deception and trickery. It will sabotage you in infinite ways. You're dealing with life and death here. This ain't no joke.

[Zedi]

@Leo Gura

@Shanmugam

@Joel3102

  This is where a lot of confusion arises. How do I move beyond that?  Should I try to override the entire thing by brute forcing it or remain aware throughout whilst the ego does it's thing? Cause sometimes it can feel as though I'm resigning the same control that brought me to a great place, so to speak. I've attempted to "just remain aware" as everything goes on but the longer I do this the more it feels I get dragged back then I become afraid of entering into a rabbit hole I can't escape from, In terms of sloppy diet, laziness and meditation so I slam the brakes. Then ego takes centre stage here and assumes control as if to prove that only IT has the power to change my habits thus putting me back to where I started trying to be aware of ego in the normal state. If that makes sense. 

[Leo Gura]

@Zedi You just gotta navigate it however you can. The best is if you can keep your good habits and practices going even if you're feeling resistant or emotional or shitty. But sometimes you will fall off the bandwagon. Just get back on as soon as you can, without beating yourself up or creating additional drama.

Falling off the bandwagon is OKAY. The worst part about falling off is the guilt and drama the ego creates around it. So if you're going to fall off, try falling off in a chill manner.

[Zedi]

@Leo Gura Haha "falling iff ina chill manner" Alright will do. Thanks, man