What Is Happening To Me?

[The White Belt]

I've been meditating for 2 years. 

The first year was on and off but currently I am on an 8 month daily streak.

I was previously doing a good amount of time and daily self-inquiry but I reeled it in a little to focus on life purpose.

Now I am doing 30 mins a day, but I contemplate for most of the day compulsively, as I go about my day. 

For the past month I've had this momentary moments when my entire body goes a little tense, lasting about 2-3 seconds, but this past week it's been happening a lot. Like the whole body goes so tense, it's like some energy wants to completely rip out of me but it can't. 

Also i've upped my presence/mindfulness a lot. I'm mindful for most of the day, especially the last two days, as i've revisited 'The Power of Now' and i've been laughing in hysterics and then getting a little teary very often. Just pure all out belly laughter. My meditations have been emotional, and i've just meditated and I let out a massive scream half way through, and opened my eyes, heavy breathing. Like, nothing scary happens, but my body went crazy and reacted like a train was about to hit me. 

This stuff doesn't happen when i'm talking to people.

I feel like these are signs of a first awakening? Are they? How can I submit to it? 

What's going on? 

[Ananta]

Things can just bubble up during meditation. You could just remain the witness/watcher OF it, instead of identifying with it.

Sounds like something might be causing you to be anxious during your session? Are you trying to hard to get somewhere with it? 

 

[The White Belt]

@Anna1 this is mostly happening when I'm not formally meditating. Wouldn't say I'm trying to 'get somewhere' per se.. Only to my natural state. 

[Ananta]

21 minutes ago, The White Belt said:

@Anna1 this is mostly happening when I'm not formally meditating. Wouldn't say I'm trying to 'get somewhere' per se.. Only to my natural state. 

Oh, sorry this is happening to you. This has happened to me in the past, emotional stuff just bubbling up out of nowhere (also not while meditating). I just sat with it, noticed it, didn't get caught up in a thought story about it and it would just resolve. Cry, scream, whatever..if it helps. Think of it as the unconscious mind purging itself. You are the "witness", of the purging, as long as you don't identify with it.

Edited July 28, 2017 by Anna1

[The White Belt]

@Anna1 Thanks. Don't be sorry. Somehow I don't even mind.

[Nahm]

@The White Belt try cutting out sugar, caffeine, bread, flour. It sounds like you have increased your awareness of your bodily sensations / emotions. 

If that doesn't do it, consider that perhaps you are right on the brink of a breakthrough, and certain substances are known to give that final push.

A big clue to me is

 "Somehow I don't even mind."

 

 

[Vladimir]

19 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@The White Belt try cutting out sugar, caffeine, bread, flour. It sounds like you have increased your awareness of your bodily sensations / emotions. 

If that doesn't do it, consider that perhaps you are right on the brink of a breakthrough, and certain substances are known to give that final push.

A big clue to me is

 "Somehow I don't even mind."

 

 

I second that, I think you're indeed on the brink of a breakthrough. I've been feeling random bouts of "emotional waves" which make me feel like I'm about to cry, thinking this may be some deeply repressed emotions that are getting ready to be released.

[cetus]

@The White BeltBefore the waterfall there is turbulence. After the waterfall there is calm.

[The White Belt]

Thanks Err'body! 

[Arkandeus]

emotional belly laughter is a sign of major awakening, you are probably experiencing huge energy increases which feels like ''a train hitting you'', you are feeling your own power. 

you are pretty much awakening yes, big time

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, Arkandeus said:

emotional belly laughter is a sign of major awakening, you are probably experiencing huge energy increases which feels like ''a train hitting you'', you are feeling your own power. 

you are pretty much awakening yes, big time

Ya. Being honest, loving, open with people, open minded, solution oriented, practiced, listing more than talking, learning, empty cup - etc. I bet you are all of these things, and The Joy, as in Source, The Everything, God... yada yada, is filling you up as your ego is emptying out  It seems to me, when someone carries heavy burdens like beating up on themselves, they're not so connected & it takes hard hits in life to get them to move forward. You though, I suspect, have done 'the work' to a solid extent and are purified. It's easier to notice the sensations, and much easier to spot the omens.