Dead Inside?

[No-Thing]

In the video about his L-Lad trip Leo mentioned that he died inside and transcended his body. It's a way to put it and even though you need to be ready to die, not knowing what actually happens might create a mental story in your head that gets you unnecessary scared and keeps you from practicing diligently. Another way to put is to say that your ego-structure dies but your natural true body-mind finally gets revealed underneath the layers and layers of ego-structure. You are going to feel more alive and energetic than ever before. Your whole body becomes an ocean of tingling sensations that vibrate in harmony. The only thing that needs to be accepted in the process by the remaining ego-structure is that there is not you anymore. The you merges with everything that comes through it sense doors and there is no craving or aversion towards anything. Yes there is still a personality and preferences but your body-mind fully realized that any craving or aversion creates suffering for itself.

To experience where most of your ego-structure is located inside the body-mind do the following. Lie down, breath out as far as you can and hold your breath for as long as you can and then longer. Where your body starts fighting and contracting, that is actually not a natural reflex but your ego-structure fighting for it's survival. If you are fully truth realized you know that "you" can't die and there will be no fight at the point of death. You can actually breath out and leave your body at any given point. 

Identifying yourself with goodhod or infinity (what leo talked about a lot recently) is stage 3 of this model: https://www.satshree.org/the-four-attainments-on-the-spiritual-path/. Truth-realization or seeing things as they are is stage 4.

The quickest way to process towards that stage from my experience is to do a vipassana reatreat but instead of focussing on the outside you have to feel every part of your inside and outside. Your ego-structure is unconscious and the moment it gets seen by your awareness it get's finally experienced and then passes away. That is what every sensation in your body wants from you. It wants to be seen. If your awareness is on your mental story all the time and you are not fully aware of your body things start to get messy down. 

In order to dissolve your subconscious you need to have already had some awakening experiences and be completely clear on your conscious level. Then there are already some cracks in your ego-structure and your awareness for the first time can penetrate deeper layers. You then for example hold your awareness on your navel and hour after hour sensations arise and pass away that have been stored down there from your birth and create part of your unconscious behaviour pattern. 

Then you also start experiences sensate-phenomenon commonly described as shakras and kundalini. 

The vipassana technique is so brilliant for this process because you deal with all the stuff that comes up on a sensate level. There is so so so so much stuff down there and if you have to re-experience all that in your daily life and deal with it on a mental level I don't want to know how much suffering you create for yourself and others and how slow the process is compared to how quick you can burn through the layers while on retreat.

If you are at a stage where your subconscious starts bubbling up by itself, you have many mood swings independent of outer circumstances and you start to feel lighter every week, then do a vipassana retreat and save yourself a lot of trouble. Follow the instructions diligently with this twist. Instead of focussing on the outside, penetrate the inside and hold your feeling-attention on every part of your body as long as it is necessary to clear it. You won't be able to do it all at once but you will develop equanimity and stop labeling your sensations unnecessarily. Also, practice every moment from waking up till going to sleep. Practice while you eat and practice in your sleep when possible. Take it very very seriously!

[Joseph Maynor]

Seems like the final step is dropping need to know and need to believe.  Releasing need to conceptualize reality, need for right answer, need for understanding and clarification.  

Edited July 25, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[No-Thing]

@Joseph Maynor Yes, and the need to know or believe is "physically" anchored in the bodymind. If you dissolve and (literally) digest the egobody the need to know or believe drops away. Normally the egobody is experienced as the density of the body. When it dissolves all kind of sensations crawl up. mainly pressure (sometimes moving around), pain, aches, tingling, shivers, heat, twitching, bubbles ... . If you stay on a sensate level without craving or aversion it continues to dissolve. If you keep on attaching concenpts to sensations you keep fuelling it. There is for example no fear, there is only tension on different parts of your body which you labelled as fear throughout your life. You kept on running away from it and through that the tension accumulates and becomes stronger leading to pain. There is actually no tension there are only denser vibrations that you labeled as tension. there are actually no vibrations .... and so on. It's pointless.

[nightrider1435]

13 hours ago, No-Thing said:

The vipassana technique is so brilliant for this process because you deal with all the stuff that comes up on a sensate level. There is so so so so much stuff down there and if you have to re-experience all that in your daily life and deal with it on a mental level I don't want to know how much suffering you create for yourself and others and how slow the process is compared to how quick you can burn through the layers while on retreat.

Yeah... I'm dealing with exactly this right now. This stuff is not a joke at all, I went in way to far over my head, now I'm not sure how I will climb out of this. I'm OK though, just having my ass kicked right now. I can relate to the feeling lighter every week sensation. A vipassana retreat would help me out tremendously but going to one is out of the question for me right now just because I don't have the vacation time for it yet.

[starsofclay]

11 hours ago, No-Thing said:

 

To experience where most of your ego-structure is located inside the body-mind do the following. Lie down, breath out as far as you can and hold your breath for as long as you can and then longer. Where your body starts fighting and contracting, that is actually not a natural reflex but your ego-structure fighting for it's survival. If you are fully truth realized you know that "you" can't die and there will be no fight at the point of death. You can actually breath out and leave your body at any given point. 

 

I think I understand what you are saying... but wouldn't you turn blue eventually and cause brain damage? How long have you done this for in one sitting?

Edited July 25, 2017 by starsofclay

[No-Thing]

@nightrider1435 okey then in your own time, try to deal with whatever comes up on a sensational level. Stay grounded in your everyday experience and abstain from creating any story out of what goes on in me. For example I thought once I was possessed by deamons. But that was just a story of the mind and what was actually there where just some strange moving pressure. It is still a story but less frightening than deamons or whatever.

Keep body awareness throughout your day. Always keep part of your attention on the spots in your body where your emotions normally arise and when they do, pause for a moment and see them as they are without creating a story.

Develop equanimity, which means that whatever goes on in you do not crave, hold on or resist it. The more often you become aware of how you resist certain sensations the stronger your equanimity muscle grows and the easier it becomes.

Remember that you are totally save. This is a natural process. 

Remember often that everything is always changing. When there are strong sensations, remember they are changing. Arising and passing away. The more you resist them the longer they stay so stop resisting and make them go away quicker.

 

[No-Thing]

@starsofclay Don't do this while meditating on the cushion. Lie down in your bed and try it out 1 or 2 times. There were times where I started to get dizzy so be careful. But you will notice when your body starts fighting and where it starts fighting and then you can stop because that is all you need to know.

[starsofclay]

@No-Thing Once you figure out where the ego-structure is located/fighting, do you think that these areas can be healed or released, like repressed memories? Or is this merely a practice on overcoming the fear of death?

[Spiral]

I would be somewhat careful with this as it does not necessarily have to be temporary thing, there are other ways to die besides enlightenment and physical death. Or as those theist look at it, when you die you either go to heaven or hell (or your physical body dies)

Edit: I don't know the mechanic of these types of "forcing death" works but I would not take it super lighty

Edited July 25, 2017 by Spiral