What Is The Reason Behind Sass?

[faith]

Why are people sassy? Is there a psychological explanation? 

In case you don't live in North America, sass here could mean something a little different. But basically, it's when someone has a cocky, over-confident, sarcastic, and zesty attitude. It's hard to explain. It's kind of like everything is a joke to you so you can poke fun at it and not worry about consequences. I notice it more in younger people. Is it some kind of defence mechanism to compensate for their ignorance?

[Visitor]

From what you described, it sounds like self-promotion. Without it, they may see themselves as nothing special. If so, then they may try and make out that nothing else is special except themselves.

[faith]

It seems to me that people are afraid to be as they are so they create these attitudes. Just be, man. That's all you need. 

[Visitor]

1 hour ago, faith said:

It seems to me that people are afraid to be as they are so they create these attitudes. Just be, man. That's all you need. 

Yeah, that does seem logical, but many people find themselves in situations where being 'as they are' does not fit their ideal self. They are not happy with themselves 'as they are'. So they try to reach their concept on an ideal-self. The strange thing about this is that once they get there, their ideal-self advances. There is no end to improvement.

We all have an ideal-self. The ideal is what motivates us to change. For most in this forum, their ideal self is to be self-actualized. Where most others have an ideal self which is enough to just fit in, or be approved, by their peers (whatever that may be). So to 'fit in' has become their ideal, which is not 'as they are' but 'as others are'. I've been there and done that many times. The social part of existence is full of sub-cultures. Even this forum is a sub-culture of sorts. Sub-cultures are almost impossible to escape from if you wish to hang around like-minded people.

The sassy ones, seem to me, to be those that wish to be seen on top, or too challenging, amongst their peers. They fear being seen as mediocre, or the underling. 

[faith]

@Visitor But if the ideal self is what motivates us to change, how do we change once we abandon the ideal self? Do we accept ourselves fully, and then change comes naturally? For example, I have been struggling with bad habits for a long time, and I have been trying to accept them as they are, and accept myself as I am, yet I am still doing the same old things over and over. What gives? 

[Steph1988]

@Visitor If your ideal self is to fit in nicely what does that make you ? how can people like that be really trusted? are they soulless? is it ultimately deep down fear that motivates them? 

everyone knows someone who is like that u know the one who looks up to authority without question, who buy the same shoes as his/her boss, easily controlled, people who are like leaves in the wind without any critical thinking of their own.

sometimes i wonder in maybe my own arrogance ''should we have any empathy or respect whatsoever for such a person?'' 

What do you think?

 

[faith]

@Steph1988 Of course we should have empathy. Even for Hitler. All though, that's just an extreme example. But if I bring up a conversation about how it's important to see everyone's point of view, and that includes some of the worst people of our society, I get in trouble with that person every time. I am sure they lose respect for me right away. Still, Dalai Llama is right, everyone deserves compassion. 

[Steph1988]

@faith Oh completely agreed that we should look at everyone's point of view even the worst criminals in history, but something about mindless conformity and the sassy attitude ( granted is also motivated by willing to conform ) calls up a deep sense of disgust with me.

BTW i do think what u said is true about it being a defense mechanism most of the time but not always.

Maybe people can get sassy after having achieved a personal victory while everyone said that person would not be able to do it, well what does that do for a person, it be going to the other end and going in against the stream so its the complete opposite reason for being sassy, i can see such a thing happening as well.

[Visitor]

4 hours ago, faith said:

@Visitor But if the ideal self is what motivates us to change, how do we change once we abandon the ideal self? Do we accept ourselves fully, and then change comes naturally? For example, I have been struggling with bad habits for a long time, and I have been trying to accept them as they are, and accept myself as I am, yet I am still doing the same old things over and over. What gives? 

@faith, you mentioned you have bad habits. You know that they are bad, and so that is not your ideal self (unless you want to be bad). If you want to improve, ditching a bad habit would be an obvious choice. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

[Visitor]

2 hours ago, Steph1988 said:

@Visitor If your ideal self is to fit in nicely what does that make you ? how can people like that be really trusted? are they soulless? is it ultimately deep down fear that motivates them? 

everyone knows someone who is like that u know the one who looks up to authority without question, who buy the same shoes as his/her boss, easily controlled, people who are like leaves in the wind without any critical thinking of their own.

sometimes i wonder in maybe my own arrogance ''should we have any empathy or respect whatsoever for such a person?'' 

What do you think?

People are either fearful or loving at any particular moment. When we fear, we are unaware of the (deeper) truth of what we fear. This is normal, because hardly anybody is enlightened (not ignorant). When we love, we are aware of the truth of what we love. This is not so normal, because hardly anybody is unconditional (totally selfless). In other words, human beings are more fearful than loving (unconditionally).

By knowing our own truth, through continuous self-honesty, we can discern the truth of others. We become attuned to what is true (loving) or untrue (fearful). We also see ourselves in others, and see similarities with our own fears (past or still present). In that similarity we understand and have empathy. We also understand that people need to find their own truth to understand what they have been untrue (ignorant/denial/fearful) about. Live and let live has its place until input is asked for.