Unable To Give Effort / Escape Or Accept

[Dodo]

Currently I am in the trenches of life and I am forced to give effort in things I am not good at in order to learn and evolve. Who is suffering that? You would, and I would say no-one, but the reality of the situation is that I am here getting punched left and right, required to make decisions and choices between accepting and escaping my reality if I have to be honest. I'm talking about the human being that is typing those words, not awareness.

Turns out I am not really awareness! It has been a sham. I am actually a human being that has to deal with issues, but I'm so far the rabbit hole that I can't, so the only thing on the horizon is death. There is no way out. I better be awareness, because suicide looks like a better option day by day.  It's a struggle, this life requires endless struggle and effort, unless you have the faculties needed to survive ( good DNA). There's nothing else. A damned lottery. 

Who is required to give an effort? The answer of that question leads nowhere. I accept my inability to give effort, furthermore my inability to find the one that is supposed to give effort. However at the same time as I accept effort can't be made at this time, at the same time I can see that this is just an attempt to escape from responsibility and effort. 

Why is escaping from a prison that tortures you worse than accepting a prison that tortures you in your opinion? 

This post may look like a bunch of ramblings, but that's because of my current state of consciousness, which is probably what Leo describes as severe Ego backlash. 

[Loreena]

Typical reaction of unable to accept reality and identity and how too much mental masturbation and loss of true awareness causes derailment from the main track. You always chose the side dish on the menu and forgot the main course. When you were too far down the rabbit hole, it was too late to come out bouncing back to reality. The brainwashing just went deeper and couldn't be sorted out in time. It's good to know that you accept things but this post is a prime example of what was to come along the way. 

Life is a double edged sword. You deal with it any which way you want, you are always in for a surprise. You never get to do the shadow work of the shadow work. You always saw outside but never saw inside. What you are looking for is what you've always wanted. Suppressing that is just like climbing the mountain and no food and water. Your body gonna give up at some point, probably at the point of no return where you will realize that some real wisdom could have survived you a long way. It's never too late though. Wake up from the cocoon and see what being human really means. 

 

[Dodo]

7 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Typical reaction of unable to accept reality and identity and how too much mental masturbation and loss of true awareness causes derailment from the main track. You always chose the side dish on the menu and forgot the main course. When you were too far down the rabbit hole, it was too late to come out bouncing back to reality. The brainwashing just went deeper and couldn't be sorted out in time. It's good to know that you accept things but this post is a prime example of what was to come along the way. 

Life is a double edged sword. You deal with it any which way you want, you are always in for a surprise. You never get to do the shadow work of the shadow work. You always saw outside but never saw inside. What you are looking for is what you've always wanted. Suppressing that is just like climbing the mountain and no food and water. Your body gonna give up at some point, probably at the point of no return where you will realize that some real wisdom could have survived you a long way. It's never too late though. Wake up from the cocoon and see what being human really means. 

 

 

I agree with what you're saying. Perhaps the path for me is to drop all that makes me unhappy and see what happens. No need to continue climbing trees while being a fish. It's just super hard for me to make decisions. I usually just let it be the way it wants to be.

I would be perfectly happy and at peace if only I were free. Unfortunately the system is made for someones and not for nobodies. Maybe it's time for me to move in India and live on the streets.

[Dodo]

@Loreena 

I just want to be, I don't want to do! It seems like my Ego wants to be as Awareness, since awareness only is and never does. But if Ego acts as Awareness, it's considered a lazy Ego. Oh well..

I mean how am I so fucking retarded if I don't know who I am... I mean for reals... How can this be happening... Why is awareness retarded?

I guess you can say that I'm a perfectionist. If something is the truth, if I am supposedly Awareness, this HAS to be my experience. how am I awareness, if I am these other things too? At the very least I am not only Awareness. That I'd buy.

If the truth is not true always, then better drop it

Edited July 24, 2017 by Dodo

[Joseph Maynor]

@Dodo You can't do anything except increase awareness.  And even this is happening by accident, you are not increasing awareness -- awareness is being increased.  Higher awareness is caused by Nature.  Sounds like you need to let go more.  You don't have any control.  Trying to control or taking thoughts too seriously just causes emotional pain which screws up the systems of your body-mind complex, which is what is causing your suffering and stunting your "progress".  You just need to increase awareness and let go.  Watch yourself solve your true problems.  Maybe you need to change.  Let yourself change.  Stop trying to interfere.  You aren't helping.  "Progress" means what your body-mind complex would do without all the added neurosis your ego is creating.  That added neurosis is what wrenches the system, paradoxically.  And you think you are helping yourself.  This is egoic.  There is no you to help yourself.  The best thing you can do is live this Truth.  Completely let go of Dodo and just enjoy the ride.  Stop trying to do.  There is no egoic you that can act or control reality.  There is no action or control.  You are watching Nature do what Nature does.  You are part of Nature.  The Self is a constant, omnipresent, field of awareness that is noticing fleeting experiences flow in one giant, monistic, blob.  The Self doesn't do anything but sense experience (thoughts are sensed too and part of experience).  Awareness is egoic in the sense that the ego needs to have its awareness raised.  In contrast, the Self needs no raising of awareness.  That would be absurd.  The Self would be laughing at us and observing us trying to define it.  See the problem?  All the Self does is sense what is real, what is True.  The Self is no thing, it is the sensor of things, and the field of perception for all reality, experience, concepts, thoughts, including space and time.  The Self laughs at the audacity of space and time to define reality.  What space and time are are thoughts that are perceived by the Self, not traits of reality.  It would be like you trying to create a realistic cyborg of a human being containing a Self.  Not possible.  You might infinitely approximate this, but you would always lack the magical missing piece to make it a reality, to make it the Truth.  

Watch this video on point:

 

Edited July 24, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Dodo]

14 minutes ago, Loreena said:

@Dodo  You can't live on the streets, be practical. Relax. This is not the time for forums and poker. Look around for opportunities. Any opportunity. Try something. You can't escape survival. Learn to accept reality. 

At least playing poker is effortless. Also I've done it so much it might be my only saving grace in this consumerist society. I know for a fact that all I need to be happy is enough money. 

The only thing that is causing me suffering is not death, it's being forced to work to live. People who say money doesn't buy happiness are weird to me. Whenever I had money, I've been happy. Whenever I see that money will end, I'm unhappy. I guess I'm the devil. 

I just find it incomprehensible that this would be a dream in infinite potential and we get this struggle? For what reason? Why am I not blissing out every second? The only thing I find blissful about this existence is going to bed - and this is representation of escaping this existence.

Oh yeah, like I daydream all the time that a bomb would just drop now. Where are the damn terrorists? They are giving me terrors by not attacking me. 

Edited July 24, 2017 by Dodo

[Dodo]

@Joseph Maynor Letting go, that's exactly what I'm doing. I feel like I've lost my mind and I cannot think anymore. I thought it's progress, but it's making me unable to function. Ok there is no me to do anything, let the events pass, but this means that next week I decide to eat rat poison and I just let it be... Since I am not the body anyway... What is the difference between eating rat poison and not eating rat poison - why would one be egoic action and the other not. 

Edited July 24, 2017 by Dodo

[Loreena]

38 minutes ago, Dodo said:

 

Why am I not blissing out every second? The only thing I find blissful about this existence is going to bed - and this is representation of escaping this existence.

 

@Dodo  Escaping the reality matrix has never helped anyone. 

 

 

Edited July 24, 2017 by Loreena

[ajasatya]

too much conceptualization. too little living and experiencing.

you have a titanic intellect and the wisdom of a poop stick.

have you ever planted your own food? have you ever striven for raw survival?

go live, kid.

[Dodo]

Posting this as an answer to myself. I'm definitely lacking wisdom, I've watched so many of these, but still drop through the cracks. It's just tough when action is required, but... Maybe it's not required though. I am sitting here, accepting the unacceptable (Ekhart Tolle TM). 

I love how in this video Mooji says that we are both the placeless place (awareness) and the dynamic expression (human being). This resonates much better for my truth seeking Ego.  

Edited July 24, 2017 by Dodo

[Guest Annetta]

I don't have any advice but I hope youfeel better soon.  Maybe depression will open a spiritual door for you at some point in the future?  Good luck.

[Dodo]

18 minutes ago, Annetta said:

I don't have any advice but I hope youfeel better soon.  Maybe depression will open a spiritual door for you at some point in the future?  Good luck.

Thanks! But Mooji point me to the spiritual door in the present. I mean that's the only thing worth talking about when talking about spirituality anyway right? The thing is, my life situation is crap, probably exactly for the reason to let me accept even more. Like bringing in level 2 of the game or something. 

As Matt Kahn likes to say, I'm acing it, even when I seem to be failing.  

I just found this, the questioner here seems to come in with exactly my problem  Such a coincidence!

Edited July 24, 2017 by Dodo

[Guest Annetta]

@Dodo Glad to hear you are doing better!  Good stuff!

[Dodo]

41 minutes ago, Annetta said:

@Dodo Glad to hear you are doing better!  Good stuff!

I'm good now, but now I am not forced to go into mind by my environment. When I am at work, that's when the problems start, because I am forced to think past and future and I am supposed to think, like a lot.

I almost hate referring to past and future nowadays, because I know that repetition reinforces the wrong beliefs. So it's better not to speak about things that are not real, because we are building our prison ourselves. Maybe should stop saying I as well. Refer to myself in third person. Because what's the point of saying "I" if it's a lie? 

If practical purposes require the use of false beliefs and concepts, then isn't it a false existence? False practicality to be removed.

Example: I am writing this post.

This is a lie, is it not? At the same time it is true based on our practical beliefs. It's more correct to say some clusterfuck is happening and I am aware of all that I am aware of. Lol.

Edited July 24, 2017 by Dodo

[Guest Annetta]

@Dodo I don't think it really matters how you refer yourself. You could give yourself an entirely different name if you wanted to.

Is this a job you need to keep? Would a job that is more active help with the over thinking?  What are your opinions; there might be a solution in finding something that is a healthier fit for you. ?

[Ananta]

23 hours ago, Dodo said:

It's more correct to say some clusterfuck is happening and I am aware of all that I am aware of. Lol.

Yep, this ^^^ ....lol. 

Edited July 25, 2017 by Anna1